“You did not do this, Senara.”
“I did. I did. I knew they would force me to marry him if he made an offer. And he was on the point of it. He was besottedly in love with me. But his fear of being involved with witchcraft was greater than his love. People are becoming more and more afraid of it, Tamsyn. It’s a growing cult. And the more people fear it, the more they discover it. I am free of Thomas Grenoble.”
I did not entirely believe her. I thought she was piqued because he had gone away.
I accused her of this and she laughed at me.
“His love could not have been very strong,” I said, “if he could so quickly forget it.”
“You should comfort me, Tamsyn. Have we not both lost a lover?”
As I walked away I heard her shrill laughter. And I thought: She is right. I have been foolish to hope for Fenn. I misunderstood his friendship. But if he is a friend why does he stay away?
A little later I saw Senara riding away from the castle.
I thought: She is going to Leyden Hall. She is going to see Dickon.
I remembered then how she had adored him when she was younger and how they had danced and sung together.
Could it really be that she loved Dickon?
Was it really true that she had rid herself of Thomas Grenoble in this way?
One could never be sure with Senara. If she loved Dickon she was heading for sorrow, for she would never be allowed to marry him.
And for myself, I knew I could never love anyone but Fenn Landor.
Senara and I, I thought, we shall have to comfort each other.
March came in like a lion, as they say. The winds were violent and the salt spray dashed itself against the castle walls. The waves were so high that it was dangerous to walk on the sea side of the castle. One could easily have been caught and washed away.
One evening, when a storm was rising, I had an uneasy conviction that the lantern was not alight. There were occasions when it went out but in such weather special attention was supposed to be given to it.
I climbed to the tower carrying a taper with me and sure enough that reassuring glow was not there and the turret rooms were in darkness.
I thought of going to the Seaward Tower to tell them that someone had forgotten to light the lanterns in Nonna’s. Then I thought it was quite a simple matter to light them myself. I could comfortably reach them with the step-ladder. I lighted them and in a few minutes they were throwing their reassuring beam of light out across the sea.
I went down to my bedchamber. Senara was there lying on her pallet with dreams in her eyes.
I was about to mention the lanterns when she said: “They will be going away soon.”
“Who?” I asked.
“The puritans. They want to worship in freedom and they say the only place where they can do so is in Holland.”
“Will Dickon go with them?”
“Yes,” she said.
“You will miss him.”
She did not answer. I had rarely seen her so subdued.
Then she started to talk about the puritans. They were brave people; they hated finery and gaiety and everything that seemed to make life interesting to her. Yet she could not but admire them. They were people who would die for their beliefs. “Imagine that, Tamsyn. It’s noble in its way.” She laughed suddenly. “Dickon is greatly tempted. I can see that. He wants to be a puritan and his whole being cries out against it. As mine would. It is a continual battle for him. Battles are exciting. You want everything to be peaceful. You always did. It’s not that you lack spirit, but you’re not an adventurer, Tamsyn. You’re the mother figure, there to love and protect. I’m not like that. I’m the mistress … to tempt, to snare and to be unpredictable.”
“You are certainly that,” I retorted. “Why do you visit these puritans? I know why. It is because it is dangerous. There are going to be harsher rules against them. They are going to be persecuted. Perhaps people will always want to fight again and kill those who disagree with them. The Catholics on the one hand; the puritans on the other; and they are both supposed to be enemies to the Church!”
“The King hates them. Puritans, witches and Catholics who attempt to blow up his parliament! The King is a strange man. They say he is very clever and that he is renowned for his wit. He loves pleasure as much as the puritans hate it. Thomas Grenoble told me that he spends much time at the cock-fight and pays his master of cocks two hundred pounds a year, which is equal to the salary of his secretaries of state. He is a coward too! His garments are padded to preserve him against the assassin’s knife. He is terrified of being assassinated. They talk of these matters at Leyden Hall and they plan to escape from them. It is not that they are running away exactly … They are brave men and women, for they will face fearful hazards. They care nothing for this. They make wonderful plans. They do not intend to stay in Holland.”
Her eyes were brilliant. I could see that she was following them in her thoughts; she was facing the hazards, and I knew that all the time she was seeing herself side by side with Dickon.
“It is some years since Sir Walter Raleigh found a fair land which he called after Queen Elizabeth—Virginia. It lies a long way across the ocean. They talk of Virginia.”
“It was a colony,” I said, “and is now abandoned.”
“It is a rich land of fruits and plants and trees. Perhaps it will be there that they will settle. They will build a new country where men shall be free to follow their religion.”
“Providing,” I added, “it does not conflict with that laid down by the puritans.”
Senara looked at me seriously for a few minutes and then she burst out laughing.
“Oh, it is not for the religion, Tamsyn. It’s not whether we shall genuflect twenty times a day or make our knees sore by kneeling on a stone floor. What do I care for that! It’s the adventure. It’s glorious. To set out like that … not knowing whether you were going to die on the way. The dangers one would face. That’s what I care about.”
That, I thought, and Dickon. I was very uneasy wondering what would become of her when Dickon went away.
The next day the violent storm of the previous night had abated. Two things happened. There was a whipping in the Seaward courtyard.
Merry told us about it, her face distorted with misery. She would, I knew, be remembering the occasion when her own Jan Leward had been so degraded.
He had offended the master, this last victim. It was a terrible occasion. The men of Seaward had been commanded to assemble in the courtyard to watch. The women would not look. They set about preparing ointments and bandages to deal with the sufferer when he was untied from the post and dragged unconscious into the Tower.
The whippings took place rarely, which no doubt made them more to be feared than if they were a commonplace occurrence. The last one had been Jan Leward. I knew that Merry had never got over it and because of this misdemeanour my father had refused them permission to marry for another year. He had told Jan, so Merry had reported to Senara, that he did not want two disobedient servants and until Jan had proved his loyalty he could not marry.
I had watched Merry’s face sometimes when my father’s name was mentioned and I saw the bitter hatred there.
All that day there was a hush over the castle and everyone was talking about the whipping. A few days later there was good news. We had a visitor. He wanted to see my father and thank him personally. On the night of the storm he had all but been wrecked on the Devil’s Teeth. He had in time seen the warning lights; but for that his ship battered by the devastating weather would undoubtedly have foundered. It was like an act of God. He had been making straight for the rocks and then he saw the warning light in time. He had reason to be grateful to the Casvellyns.