“I didn't know that,” he said. Now he looked sad again. “I'd like to see them sometime. But I never will.”
“Why not?”
“There isn't enough time. I won't be here next winter.”
“Where will you be?”
“With my family.”
“I didn't know you had a family.”
“I don't anymore,” he said.
For a few seconds it looked like he was going to cry. Then his face smoothed and the mouth smile came back. Creepy … God, had he always been this creepy and she somehow hadn't noticed? No. Underneath, probably, but not out where you could see it. He just wasn't bothering to hide it anymore.
“Tell me some more about yourself, Amy.”
“… Like what?”
“Things that I don't know about you.”
“Personal things?”
“Personal, private, special.”
“Like whether or not I'm still a virgin?”
“Well. Are you?”
She thought about lying but she didn't. “No.”
“I didn't think you were. But that's good.”
“Why is it good?”
“Sex is healthy. There's nothing wrong with sex between consenting people. Consenting, Amy. That's the key.”
“It was consenting with me. You want to know his name and how many times and what we did?”
“No. Don't be nasty. You're not a nasty person at heart.”
The wind kicked up and blew fine particles of sand from the dunes below. One of them got into her eye and made it sting and water. She sat there, chilled, rubbing her eye until she got the grit out. He didn't seem to notice how cold and uncomfortable she was. It was as if he saw her only when he wanted to, when there was something he wanted to know or she did or said something that made him aware of her. The rest of the time, she might have been invisible.
She said, “Why do you care that I'm not still a virgin if you don't want to have sex with me anymore? Why do you want to know so much about me?”
“I just do. It's important to me.”
“Why? Will it be easier to kill me if you know me better?”
“Oh, Amy …”
“Well? That's what you're going to do, isn't it?”
“You don't understand.”
“You keep saying that. I understand you want me dead.”
“It's not a question of wanting.”
“No? Then why?”
“You're part of her, that's why.”
“Who? My mother?”
“Yes.”
“What did my mother ever do to you?”
“She helped destroy me.”
“You said that before, too. It's a lie, she never hurt you or anybody else—”
“The hell she didn't!” He was suddenly angry. His face got red; veins bulged on his forehead. “She killed them! Three beautiful lives! Her and those other bitches. An eye for an eye. One bad burn deserves another.”
Jesus, she thought.
He was quiet again for a while, staring out toward where the white finger of the lighthouse stuck up from the southern headland. The sun was edging down toward the horizon; the clouds around it looked like spilled red wine. The beach was deserted now. Just her and him and the gulls for miles and miles …
When he spoke to her again, his voice was soft and sad and his face was the same—as if he'd never been angry at all. “Do I look alive to you, Amy?” he asked.
“… What?”
“Alive. I look alive to you, don't I?”
“You are alive.”
“No, you're wrong. I'm not. Do you know what a zombie is?”
“I saw Night of the Living Dead.”
“Well, that's what I am. A zombie. I walk, I talk, I eat, I work, I go through all the motions, but I'm not alive. Inside I'm dead. Oh, there are sparks now and then. Sparks. When I do what I have to for them, Cheryl and Angie and Donnie, I remember what it was like to be alive. But that's all, just sparks. I'll never be alive again. The important pieces are gone. The three important pieces are gone. Three parts to the whole, and only one part is left, and that part can't survive alone. It can function until it finishes what has to be done, but it's already dead. It simply hasn't gone to its grave yet. But it will soon. Zombies can't walk for long. I won't be walking when the whistling swans come next winter.”
He smiled at her, almost a tender smile. “Tell me more, Amy. Help me to know you. What else do you like besides the swans?”
TWENTY-FIVE
It was after nine when they reached Los Alegres. Dix drove straight up to the Ridge. The first order of business was to arm himself with the Beretta—it was still in the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed—and his tape recorder. Then … Jerry Gordon Whittington Cotter.
Beside him, Cecca sat huddled and silent. She'd hardly moved or spoken since they'd picked up the car at the airport parking lot. Still brooding over what he intended to do, even though she knew—had to know—it was the only course of action that made any real sense. Hated guns, hated the idea of him using one. Did she think he liked it? The mere thought of having to shoot a man, any man, roped his stomach into knots. She'd refused to go with him to Jerry's house, which was just as well; he could handle it better alone, without her to worry about, too. An hour and a half. That was as much time as she'd been willing to give him. If he didn't contact her within that time limit, she would notify the police. Reasonable enough. If he couldn't accomplish his mission and make a telephone call within ninety minutes, he would need police assistance. Or a doctor. Or a priest.
He turned off Rosemont into his driveway, turned again at the top of the hill. The house looked all right from the outside; he hadn't expected any different. Jerry would not have made another arson attempt. His actions were erratic, but they didn't seem to run in repeat patterns.
Dix parked alongside Cecca's station wagon, hurried into the house. He put on lights; everything looked all right inside as well. Upstairs for the Beretta, which went into his jacket pocket. His voice-actuated cassette recorder was in the study downstairs; he made sure the battery was functioning before he pocketed it, too. He didn't bother to lock the front door again on the way out. Locked doors meant nothing now, one way or another.
Cecca had taken her overnight bag out of the Buick and was putting it into the wagon. He joined her. She faced him, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. Her cheeks had a talcum-powder whiteness in the light from the rising moon.
“You're sure you don't want to wait here?”
“I'm sure,” she said.
He read the luminous digits on his watch. “It's nine thirty-five. I'll call you or come to your place no later than eleven-fifteen.”
She didn't respond.
“It'll be all right,” he said.
“Will it?”
“He won't kill me and I won't kill him. I promise you that—”
“Don't. I don't want to hear any promises.”
He kissed her. Her mouth was cold and unresponsive, her body rigid. Neither of them had any more words; he left her and got into the Buick and backed it up and turned down the hill. A few seconds later the station wagon's headlights appeared in his rearview mirror. They stayed close behind him until he reached the bottom of Rosemont, then they veered off and he was alone.
His body felt cramped, achy, as he drove across town. Stress. But his mind was free of it, his thoughts clear and sharp. He was almost anticipating the confrontation with Jerry. Citizen's arrest, no violence. I don't want to hear any promises. Okay. Okay, then I won't make any.
Walnut Street. Dark, quiet. Jerry's house. And that was lightless and quiet, too. No sign of his car in the driveway or on the street. He wasn't home.