The Russians soon spotted us and brought the ditch under mortar fire. One bomb landed in the ditch and killed three men, including Corporal Kalteis. Then we had to cross an open field. The Russians were firing even when individuals crossed, using mortars – and accurately. At the end of the ditch lay a man wounded in the leg, who asked me to help him across. Although mortar bombs landed close, we managed to get across unscathed.
Then we came up against the military police and everyone who had a weapon had to go back into the line, but staff clerks and supply personnel were allowed to go, a factor that did little to raise our fighting morale.
I had become separated from my unit again. Although I knew that they were close by, the military police refused to let me find it. I was given a confused, thrown-together section to deploy along a line of trees in front of Gottesgabe. We had communication to the rear by means of a runner. When I sent a runner back with a message, he failed to reappear. I sent another runner back with the same result, so I went back myself to find out what was happening. I did not find a soul. They had all gone back without telling us.
A unit of 15 and 16 year-olds of the Hitler Youth had made an attack from Gottesgabe and been driven back with heavy casualties. I was deployed with my section along the eastern edge of the village. During the night the Russians thrust their way into the village with tanks and we had to withdraw.
We deployed again about 200 metres west of Gottesgabe. Suddenly about forty men came toward us. We opened fire, thinking they must be Russians, and by the time we discovered they were Germans, two of them were already dead.
At dawn on the 19th we occupied a position on the heights on the edge of the Oderbruch. It was a good position and we could see far over the valley. As it became light, we could see the Russians with masses of tanks and thousands of soldiers in and around Gottesgabe, and we were only a hundred strong. Slowly the tanks and the soldiers started moving. When they came to about 200 metres from us, we opened fire from the heights.
The Russians immediately started digging in while their tanks moved up. Then the tanks fired on us, later also mortars and anti-tank guns. When the fire became stronger, we withdrew, for the Russians had already bypassed us on either flank.
During the withdrawal I became separated again from the rest of my regiment, but then met up with five other men from my company. Properly formed units no longer existed, for they had either been split up or wiped out. Many had fallen. We six reported to the commander of a light anti-aircraft battery that had been deployed on the eastern edge of Ihlow. We deployed ourselves about 100 metres forward of the battery in a ditch that ran past a grocery. The village had been evacuated of its population only a few hours before. For once we could eat well; everything we longed for we found here. Abandoned cattle were roaming about everywhere.
When the first Russian tanks appeared the 20 cm anti-aircraft guns opened up and shot up several of them. As the Russians closed in on the village, we moved to the western edge, where there was a large manor farm, behind whose enclosing wall we took cover from the heavy shelling. We were also constantly fired at by low flying aircraft, and soon the Russians came in sight. Karl Danzer was severely wounded by a mortar bomb that exploded close to us, getting a splinter in his stomach. Once the Russians had crossed the road leading to Strausberg, cutting our line of retreat, the guns were blown up. Once more we were surrounded as we had been the day before, and would be again in the days to come.
That evening we withdrew under cover of darkness through a wood. Altogether we were about 60 men. After we had marched about four kilometres, we came to a road running east-west, along which trucks were driving westwards. We infantry marched with the battery commander, a lieutenant, at the head of the battery. The battery commander thought that this was a retreat route, but I noticed that nearly all the trucks had sloping radiators, and we did not have any like that. I reported my misgivings, but he told me off, saying that he was the commander and knew best. He had taken over the battery only the day before, after the previous commander had been killed. However, when trucks went past packed with singing soldiers, it was clear enough to me that they were Russian. I told my regimental comrades – there were now six of us – and we slipped back to the rear of the battery. To the left and right of us were ever thicker pine woods. Suddenly came some shouting and then the voice of the battery commander: ‘Don’t shoot!’
We could hear Russians shouting from in front and like lightning we vanished into the woods. The battery was captured virtually intact and now I realised that the commander was German but fighting on the Russian side and presumably a member of the National Committee for a Free Germany.[13]
Two men from the battery had come with us, so now we were eight. We forced our way through the dark woods toward the southwest. After we had been going for about three hours we came to the the village of Gross Wilkendorf, near Strausberg. We did not know if it was occupied by the Russians, so we crept cautiously up to it through an orchard, but could hear no voices. Then we heard the sound of an engine and someone calling out, so we knew that there were Germans here. As we entered the village, we saw a truck moving out with a heavy gun in tow. We appeared to be the only living beings in the village. We went into a house and had something to eat. We found enough food, for the inhabitants had moved out only a few hours before.
We moved on again. There was an ambulance at the other end of the village, but it suddenly drove off as we came up to it. There had been a field hospital in the school here that had been cleared. However, Karl Meinhardt was able to swing himself aboard as it set off. I ran along behind, but the vehicle was increasing speed. Karl stretched out his hand to me and I was able to grasp his fingers. He pulled me in and for a short while we were safe, although separated from the others. We were dropped off just short of Strausberg.
We then looked for a house a bit off the road where we could sleep for a few hours, but were soon disturbed by the sounds of tank gunfire, so again there was no sleep, and we had been almost a week without it. We debated whether to report to an infantry unit or to do as most troops were doing and simply make our way back. We decided on the latter and to try and get a day to relax and sleep in at long last. We had not washed or shaved for days, and looked more like vagabonds than soldiers. Our uniforms were encrusted with mud, and my hair had not been cut for weeks. The experiences of the last few days were etched in our faces. We had become pale and hollow-cheeked with dark circles under our eyes. When I happened to see my face in a mirror, I was shocked by my appearance. I certainly did not look like a 19 year-old.
We had only been going a few minutes when we were rounded up. A unit of 15- and 16-year-old Hitler Youths had deployed here, even though not all were armed. All soldiers going past were being rounded up by them and taken into their ranks. There were hardly any machine guns, but one thing you had to give them was their spirit, which was something seldom seen. They simply could not wait for the Russians to come. They knocked out several Russian tanks at ranges of four or five metres, and when the Russians realised that the resistance here was particularly strong, they brought up more tanks as reinforcements. Although the youngsters suffered severe losses, we only withdrew when the Russians came at us from three sides.
We then occupied a village that lay in a valley.[14] But here too we soon had to move, as we were too weak. We then occupied the high ground around the village, although some of the youngsters remained behind armed only with Panzerfausts[15] to knock out the Russian tanks. Whenever they succeeded they would return with happy faces to pick up fresh Panzerfausts. Nearly all were dressed in brown shirts, short pants and a much too large helmet. But as many tanks as they destroyed, the more took their place. There were at least ten Russians to every German soldier. As soon as the tanks had taken over the village, they turned their guns on us and inflicted more heavy casualties. Meanwhile the Russian infantry had caught up.