“I get so damn tired of your admiration for that snippy little bitch. I know why she’s not getting a divorce, because she’s too damn mean for one thing. It would kill her to see Gordon have a life of his own. And also because she knows she’ll never get another husband if she lets Gordon go.”
“Such a thought would never occur to her,” Ruth said harshly. “And I’m surprised at you, Hazel. You talk as if you actually approve of Dr. Foster and what he’s done.”
“I’ve always approved of him, why should I change now? A good man doesn’t turn into a bad man overnight.”
“That’s all very well, but we must judge people by their actions. There’s no other way to judge them, and you—”
Hazel raised her voice to interrupt. “I don’t want to judge them. I want to go on liking the people I like and making excuses for them when I have to, and having a few excuses made for me too.”
“Moral softness. I want no excuses made for me, ever.”
“You need them, like everyone else.”
“I wouldn’t take them!” Ruth shouted, making a wild gesture with her fists. “I wouldn’t listen!”
“Don’t get so worked up. I wasn’t trying to—”
“I don’t want any excuses from anybody. Discipline, not excuses, that’s what we need in this world, more self-denial and discipline. Oh yes, I can see what you’re thinking now — poor Ruth, she can’t help getting worked up, she had a nervous breakdown and lost her job, and she’s an old maid too, of course, and her father was—”
“Stop guessing,” Hazel said. “If you want to know what I was thinking I’ll tell you. I was thinking that people who are hard on themselves the way you are, are usually pretty hard on other people too.”
“Not hard enough.”
“Elaine Foster’s kind of like that too. I can’t explain it so well, but maybe if she liked herself a little better and had a little more self-respect, she’d be better off.”
“Well, well! You’re getting to be quite a psychologist, Hazel Anderson. You’ve got Mrs. Foster and me all figured out, and the trouble with us is we have no self-respect!”
“I meant, respect for yourselves as you really are, not expecting to be perfect and accepting the fact that you’ve got a few human weaknesses that maybe aren’t so bad after all.”
“No self-respect, eh?” Ruth cried. “And what do you think you’ve got, the kind of things you do, drinking and carrying on and traipsing after your divorced husband—”
Josephine came to the door with an anxious little smile on her face. “Gee whiz, the way you two sound you’d think you were quarreling. Mrs. Hatcher’s outside working in her garden, she’s bound to hear every word you say.”
“That’s all right,” Hazel said. “We’re finished.”
“We have finished,” Ruth corrected her. “We are finished would mean we are dead.”
“Close enough to suit me.”
“The least I can do in exchange for your analysis of my character is to give you a free lesson in English grammar.”
Josephine turned on her and said hotly, “That’s no way to speak to Hazel after all she’s—”
“You stay out of this,” Hazel said. Then she addressed Ruth in a quieter voice, “I’m sorry if I said anything to hurt you. I didn’t mean to.”
“Hurt me,” Ruth sneered. “You can’t hurt me. I don’t allow myself to be hurt.”
“There you go again. Don’t kid yourself.”
“And I repeat, you don’t have to make any excuses for me, Hazel Anderson. I don’t require them and I don’t believe in them, for me or anybody else, let alone a man like Dr. Foster. A man that leaves his wife and children and runs off with another woman is a bad man. He stands condemned by his own action in the eyes of all decent people.”
“Maybe I’m not decent.”
“If the shoe fits, wear it.”
“There’s a car stopping out front,” Josephine said nervously. “You two just better quit arguing right now.”
Hazel got up to look out of the window. Then, without a word of explanation, she picked up her purse from the top of the radio and went outside.
Gordon was alone in the car. Though Hazel had seen him only twenty-four hours ago, he seemed to have changed more than a day’s worth. Wearing the old slack suit that she’d seen hanging in his office and needing a shave, he looked like an ordinary workingman relaxing on a Sunday morning. There was none of that do-or-die air about him that he put on along with his white surgeon’s coat.
He smiled at her as she came down the walk. “I was just coming in.”
“It’d be better if we talked out here. Too many people.” She opened her purse and took out the roll of bills bound together with an elastic. It looked like a lot of money and Hazel wondered if Gordon knew how little it actually was in these times. Maybe to him it looked like more because it meant his freedom for a week or two and he was too excited at the prospect to think further ahead than that.
He handed her two checks, one for five hundred dollars made out to Cash, and the other for a hundred made out to Hazel.
“What’s this for?”
“Your salary for the next two weeks.”
“What am I supposed to do to earn it?”
“Answer the phone. Cancel all appointments for the next month. If there are any emergencies send them over to Dr. Tower. Appointments for routine check-ups and cleanings you can step up till next month if the people are willing to wait. If they aren’t ask Dr. MacPherson to take them. Tell everyone I’m on a holiday, naturally.”
“Then you’re coming back?”
“I hope so. You’ll hear from me anyway.” He paused for a moment. “Thanks for everything, Hazel. Not just getting the money, but for understanding that this is the only way I could do it. It seems pretty sordid, I guess, for me to be sneaking away like this. But I couldn’t go home to say goodbye because I know I wouldn’t get away. Elaine would pull out every stop on the organ, and I’m afraid I’d change my mind. I want to do now what has to be done eventually. Ruby isn’t the issue, I want you to understand that. It’s true that if I didn’t know her and if she didn’t love me, I probably wouldn’t have the guts to leave Elaine now. But Ruby has caused nothing, do you see that?”
“Yes.”
“She’s over at her room packing. She’s been at it all morning and she’s only got one suitcase. I wonder if she’s giving me a chance to change my mind, or if she actually doesn’t want to leave under the circumstances.”
“Maybe she’s just particular,” Hazel said.
“That must be it.”
“It must be.”
Gordon drew in his breath. “Well, I guess that covers everything. Be sure and be at the bank when it opens tomorrow.”
“I will.”
“It’s a hell of a thing to say about your wife, but she might try to close our joint account and I don’t want you to be caught with two bad checks.”
“You’d better tell me where you’re going.”
“San Francisco, probably. Then if anything happens Ruby will at least have her aunt’s place to go to. Anything could happen you know, an accident or something like that.”
“Don’t sound so gloomy, Gordon.” It was the first time she had ever called him Gordon. She was surprised how the name slipped out so easily, as if she never expected him to come back and change into Dr. Foster again.
The wind veered suddenly, and picking up the dirt from the playground hurled it across the street. They both closed their eyes automatically until the sound of the wind died down.
“Nothing’s going to happen,” Hazel said.
“I guess not. Well, thanks again, Hazel. I’d better get going, with four hundred miles to drive.”