She responded to them as if he were eight years old.
“No, baby. That’s why I should stay. You need me. C’mon.
Listen to Lynda, okay? She’ll take care of you. C’mon.“ She put the pipe back to her own lips, drawing steadily until the tiny coal shone bright and unwinking as a cat’s eye. She held it in, making small throaty sounds of pleasure, then letting it stream slowly from her mouth She fell against him, her body a warm weight, and pushed the pipe at his mouth insistently.
“No. I don’t want it.‘ He caught her wrist and held the pipe away. She smiled at him mischievously. Her other hand moved slowly, like smoke, to take the pipe from her captured hand.
She took a short hit of it and then poked it at his lips, saying,
“Come on, baby, it’s nearly all gone. Loosen up a little. You take the last one. Better hurry now.”
“I said no‘” He caught the other wrist, gave it a shake that sent the pipe spinning away into the darkness. He heard the thump of its bounce, saw a tiny shower of sparks and a glowing coal hit the floor. Within seconds it winked out. He drew his eyes back to Lynda, making several efforts before they focused property. It never takes much to stone you, does it? someone had laughed a long time ago. Laughed ’til it hurt him. A long time ago, he reminded himself.
He was confused to find that he still held both of Lynda’s wrists. She was not struggling but was leaning into her captivity.
She rested her face against his, her cheek pressing his cheek, her breath streaming past his ear. “You smell good,” she muttered, rubbing her cheek against his. “You smell wild. I am so damn tired of tame men. I like a man who has spirit and passion.
Not like that damn Booth. No balls. I swear, he only hit me because he was too dumb to think of anything else to do. He couldn’t handle me and he knew it. I was too much for him.
But I like you. You tell me no‘. And you’re quiet. But you do what you want to do. I like that in a man. I don’t want to know every little thing about him; takes all the mystery away.
And you feel just a little bit dangerous to me. I like a man with secrets and claws. I told that to my sister once. Damn bitch told me to go watch a vampire movie. She didn’t understand. She’s got a man like a fat poodle, curly black hair and all. But I’ve got a man here with secrets and silences. I like you, Mitch. I like you a lot.“
Her mouth wet his face, her tongue trailing lazily across his cheek to his mouth. The warmth fled from her touch, leaving a cold trail of saliva across his skin. He thought of silver slug tracks on sidewalks in the morning. She put her wet mouth against his, her lips moving as if to devour him.
“Stop it!” His grip tightened on her wrists as he twisted his face away from hers. She laughed lightly and sagged against him. Something unhooked in his brain and his equilibrium went. He fell back on the mattress. and she landed heavily atop him. She giggled at his game of reluctance. Her harnessed breasts nosed against his chest aggressively. She let her head loll forward on her neck so that the weight of her long hair fell across his face. He released her wrists and foundered beneath her, feeling trapped and entangled in her body. Lynda giggled again. The sound galvanized him.
“Get off me!” He struggled madly, pushing her from him as he rolled away heedless of her tangled hair. She didn’t care.
She was laughing helplessly as she rolled across his mattress.
He tried to sit up, but the directions of the room changed around him. He closed his eyes and it spun even faster.
“Let me be on top,” Lynda begged, very close, her breath warming his face. He pulled back from her, slapped away the hands at his throat. Her busy fingers dropped to his belt. “I’ll do all the work,” she offered, pulling his shirttail free. Ancient urges rolled down his spine to squirm in his belly and erupt unnervingly. Earlier today, his magic had been shut down, the switches thrown to plunge him into emptiness. Now Lynda was reactivating this other part of him, putting systems on-line whose flashes and thunderings he had stilled long ago. He groped within himself for control, but it was all set on override.
His hands gripped her hips.
He squeezed his eyes tight shut, reaching for sanity and order. He found only her weight on his thighs, warm and solid.
“I don’t do this,” he said, but his voice sounded far off, even to himself. He wondered if Lynda could even hear him as he tried to explain. “There are certain things denied to me.
Things I must not do if I am to retain my controls and my magic.“ Her hands were cold on his belly, sliding around under his shirt and up his chest. She pinched one of his nipples, hard.
He divorced himself from the pain-pleasure. “I must not carry more than a dollar in change. I must not harm pigeons. I must listen to people and tell them the Truth when I Know it. I must not harm pigeons…” He caught himself circling and tried to find his track again. He couldn’t remember the other taboos.
It didn’t matter She wasn’t listening. Only their bodies were in the same room. He was just a warm prop for her in her fantasy game of seduction. He coughed and felt her fist grip him.
“Feels ready to me,” she chuckled throatily. “Isn’t it always the best. the first time with someone new? And stoned. It puts all the magic back into it.”
“All my magic is lost to me,” he corrected her. He was aware of his body’s betrayal, but he scrambled frantically away from it. trying to keep the memories out, to block away the sensory input that stirred up such strong images from the past.
All the forbidden and dangerous things came pressing out from the comers of his mind, to leer and snicker at him. There were so many things he could not bear, things severed from his life with the cold precision of a surgical scalpel. Now they came, one by one, to hook their claws back into his flesh, to press then“ sucking greedy mouths against his veins. He lost track of where and who he was. The thing he must not do became the thing he must do, a sightless appetite to appease before he could know peace again. The world was rocking with the rhythm of a railroad train picking up speed. He was along for the ride, on the night express back to the black pit.
“Mitchell,” sighed Lynda.
“Yes,” he confessed.
MORNING AVALANCHED INTO HIS EYES when he opened them.
Gray light was pouring through the window, drenching the mattress. and tousled blankets and the cardboard and blanket from the window on the floor beside them. He stared out through the cracked pane at the dark silhouette of the building across the alley and the overcast sky above it. None of it was coming together. He groped vaguely after the tails of memories, but they scuttled back into corners. He pressed his palms to his eyes until two things came clear. He should phone home today.
And check with the damn VA office again, to see if they’d straightened out the mess they’d made of his records.
Tempofa! continuity ripped suddenly, spilling him from its sling into chaos. This was no cheap motel room. His pants were not slung across a chair under a cheap painting by a bureau with a Gideon bible on it. He sat up, staring around. His brain bounced sickeningly against the top of his skull. He must have gone drinking last night. He knew he had to quit soon. He eased back down onto the flat and stinking mattress. A gray pigeon took sudden alarm and swooped into the next room.
From one corner of the room, a scrawny black cat regarded him with flat eyes. A damn zoo. A wave of stress rose in Mitchell, (Messing his headache to the top of his skull. He was tired of mornings that started at the bottom. His whole body ached; his mouth tasted foul. Something very bad was going on here. He squeezed his eyes hard shut and tried to put his mind in order. What had he done yesterday? How had he gotten to today?