Lumberjack doesn’t say a word. It’s annoying.
“How do I do that?”
He turns to meet my gaze, his mouth mere inches away in this position, so close that his sigh skates across my skin. That’s the only answer I get before he turns his focus back to the path.
Now that I’ve opened up to him, I can’t seem to stop. “That’s why I came to Alaska. I wanted to get away from my life for a while, at least until I have to go back to college. I don’t know what I’m going to do after. Jed and I were going to move back home, get married, and take over the farm. And have lots of sex. Sex, sex, and more sex. It’s all about sex with you guys, isn’t it?”
He takes a deep breath and adjusts my body tighter into his arms.
“So now he’s busy parading the jezebel around my home town, probably having all kinds of sex in our private spots, while I’m in Alaska. He asked me not to be with anyone. Can you believe that? He’s screwing around with this other girl and yet he asked me to wait for him, to save myself for our wedding night. Can you believe that? Would you ever expect your ex to wait around for you like that? I should just go and do it with someone, so that if he does come back, I can scream, ‘too late! No virgin wife for you.’ I don’t want to be a virgin anymore. I need to find someone who will have sex with me here.”
Lumberjack’s footsteps falter and I squeeze his neck tightly, afraid we’re going to fall in a heap. “You’re a—How old are you?”
“Twenty-one. I hate that part of me still loves him. We have so much history. But then part of me...” I tip my head back to look at the vast expanse of stars above. I know they’re somewhere up there, but I can’t see them anymore.
He nudges my head with his shoulder. “No passing out on me.”
I pull my head up and lean it against his body, burrowing in until my cold nose is pressed against his neck. I inhale deeply. “You smell good. Expensive. Is that cologne, or aftershave, or soap, or—”
“Christ,” he hisses. “Do you normally talk this much?”
“No? I don’t think so. It must be the alcohol. I’ve never been drunk before. It’s fun.”
Now he does chuckle, a low rumble that I feel deep inside my chest, and farther down, into the pit of my belly. “You might not think that tomorrow morning.”
Where was I? Oh, right... Jed. “A part of me hates his guts. We were supposed to be each other’s firsts and then he went off and did it with someone else, after all this time because he’s a guy and he’s too weak to wait. If he’d asked me, if he told me he couldn’t wait, I would have done it. Why wouldn’t he just ask me?”
When Lumberjack doesn’t answer, I press. “Do you not know how to carry on a conversation?”
His stern face cracks with a smirk. “Is that what we’re doing?” He looks down and when he doesn’t see me smiling back, his face smooths over.
“I don’t understand.” A sudden unexpected wave of emotion hits me, and before I know what’s going on, hot tears are streaming down my cheeks. “Is it because I’m not pretty enough for him? He always said he liked me like this, not like those other girls who plaster their faces with makeup. But then he turns around and starts dating one of them! Maybe I need to wear makeup?” I gaze at the lumberjack’s face, his eyes locked straight ahead. “Do you think I need to wear makeup?”
His jaw tenses. “No.”
I wipe away my tears with my free hand. “Do you think I’m pretty? I know I’m plain. I’ve just never been into all that girly stuff.”
Finally, his blue eyes shift from the path to meet mine, where they rest for a long moment before sliding down to my lips and farther, to where my breasts press against his chest. “He would have cheated on you whether you fucked him or not. Be glad you didn’t.”
I don’t know if that brings me any comfort. I do know he didn’t answer my question. “So, should I...” I stall over the word he used, unable to bring myself to say it. “Should I be with someone else? Or should I wait?”
His bottom lip disappears between his teeth, as if he’s holding back his words.
“How do I get over him?” My voice is almost pleading.
“By spending the next four months fucking someone in every position imaginable.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it, more than once. But it was always from a place of pain and rejection, a place I knew would drive me to have regrets down the road. “I don’t want just ‘somebody.’” Right now, the way my body’s responding to him, I want the lumberjack.
I trace the back of his neck with my fingertips. His arms are so strong, his body is so tight, his face so striking. Every fiber of my body is in tune with his, my skin prickling with the thought of these hands touching my bare skin. What would it be like to be naked with someone so big and masculine?
I twirl the little curly wisps of hair within my shaky but unusually bold fingers. “Have you ever been with a virgin?”
He inhales with a light hiss. “Not for a long time.”
“Why not?”
“I prefer women over little girls.”
I swallow against the burn of that rebuff. He’s calling me a little girl. “So inexperience bothers you?”
“It’s never appealed to me.” A wicked smirk touches his lips. “Though you wouldn’t be inexperienced for long.”
A flush races through my entire body almost instantly, the heat building between my legs at the way he talks, as if sex is a real possibility between us. Pressing my lips together to try and hide my nervous grin, I reach up to run my fingers through his beard again. What would that feel like against my skin if he kissed me? I’ve never kissed a man with a beard. I’ve never kissed anyone but Jed. “I’ll bet if you shaved your face, you’d be even more beautiful.” His jaw tenses as I caress the edge of his jaw slowly, imagining what he looks like beneath.
“Maybe I don’t want to be more beautiful.”
“You know what I mean, Lumberjack.” I rest my head against his broad frame again, burrowing my face further into his thick neck because it feels so nice and warm in there. I notice one of the buttons on his shirt has popped open. I reach for it, intent on fixing it for him, and accidently tug another one open in the process. “Oops. Sorry.” My fingertip skates across hot exposed skin as I try to fix it one-handed. Oh my God. This guy’s chest. I understand what “rock hard” means now. His skin is smooth, with a faint line of hair trailing down the middle. “Are you staying here, in the village?”
“Sure.”
“Which cabin?”
“Why?”
“Because maybe I want to find you tomorrow?”
“You won’t.”
“How do you know?”
A cocky grin flashes. “Because if you remember any part of tonight, you’ll be avoiding me for the rest of the summer.”
I scowl into his neck. “You think you have me all figured out. What if I just want to say hi?”
“I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
“Fine.” My lips have been skating across his skin while I talk. Now I run my tongue along them, because it’s the closest I can get without actually licking him. “You taste salty.”
A shaky breath escapes him and he speeds up.
Did I just turn on the lumberjack? Jed used to breathe like that when I sucked on his earlobe. My ego sure could use the boost right now. “What if I wanted to find you for other things?” Man, alcohol makes me brave.
There’s a long pause. “What other things?”
I let my cool nose brush back and forth against his neck. His neck muscles strain with a hard swallow. “You know...”
“You can’t even say it, can you?”
“Not when I’m sober,” I admit. “But you’ve got drunk Abbi tonight, which means you’re in luck.”