But how? How could it do that?
Of course. That stupid PayPal come-on it had sent to the world; enough people fell for the Nigerian inheritance scam to make it still worth trying right up till—well, till Webmind pulled the plug on spam. But if people had fallen for that, surely countless more had fallen for this, sending donations to Webmind. Which meant it had a wad of money. Which meant it could hire thugs, hit men, whatever it wanted.
But how did it know which hackers to go after? How did it know who Hume was going to approach?
There was only one answer. Webmind must have noted the black-hat database Hume had downloaded to his laptop on Friday, and was guessing which individuals Hume might have gone after, probably using the same criteria Hume himself had used: level of hacking skill and proximity.
Could he risk approaching a third hacker? Would that be tantamount to issuing a death sentence for that person? Or—
Webmind had eliminated Hawkins before Hume had even thought about contacting him—days before, in fact. It had probably already guessed who Hume’s third choice would have been—and his fourth, and his fifth.
Hume was almost afraid to turn his computer back on to check the database again, but he had taken precautions; the laptop was offline. He was using a local copy of the black-hat database, and there was no way Webmind could know who he was looking up in it.
He pulled his laptop out from under the passenger seat, woke it from hibernation, and looked at the list. There were 142 names on it.
He wondered just how thorough Webmind had been.
The announcer’s portentous voice: “From Comedy Central’s World News Headquarters in New York, this is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”
Caitlin could barely contain herself as she and her mom watched from the green room. Yes, she’d already been on TV once—but this was different! She loved, loved, loved The Daily Show, and had the biggest crush ever on Jon Stewart. She hadn’t yet had a chance to see the show since gaining sight, and was fascinated to see what Stewart looked like; she’d never have guessed he had gray hair.
Caitlin knew about Stewart’s various visual schticks, because her friend Stacy had described them for her: today it was the mad scribbling on the pages in front of him while the music played, followed by the flipping of the pen into the air and the seemingly effortless catching of it as it fell back down—and to see it, on the flat-panel wall monitor, made her smile from ear to ear. And—oh my God!—she’d gotten to meet John Oliver earlier; she loved his British accent and his sense of the absurd.
Stewart did two segments before Caitlin was called out for her interview. Her mom stayed in the green room as Caitlin was escorted to the set.
“Caitlin, thank you for coming,” Stewart said. They were both seated in wheeled chairs, with a glossy black U-shaped desk between them.
She tried not to bounce up and down on her chair. “My pleasure, Jon.”
“You’re originally from Austin?”
“Don’t mess with Texas,” Caitlin said, grinning.
“No, no. I’ll leave that to the Texans. But now you live in Canada, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And—let me get this straight—when you lived here, you were blind, but when you went to Canada, you gained sight? So, is that the kind of thing you get with Canadian-style health care?”
Caitlin laughed. “I guess so—although, actually, I went to Japan for the procedure.”
“Right, yes. And they put an implant in your head—was it a Sony?”
Caitlin laughed again—in fact, she was afraid she was about to get the giggles. “No, no, no. It was custom-built.”
“And it’s through this implant that Webmind first saw our world—seeing what you see, is that right?”
“Yes.”
“So, he’s looking at me right now?”
“Yes, he is.”
Stewart leaned back in his chair, and made a show of smoothing his hair. “And…?”
Webmind sent text to her eye. “He says you have ‘a fascinating countenance.’ But I think you’re adorable!”
Stewart tried to suppress a grin. “And you are—um, how old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
“You are… utterly and completely devoid of interest to a man my age.” And he made a comic face and loosened his tie in what Caitlin guessed was an “Is it hot in here?” way. She laughed out loud.
“Earlier today,” Stewart said, “Webmind spoke at the United Nations, and you were there?”
“Oh, yes—it was awesome!”
“And—let me get this straight—he used an ape to speak for him? Was the ape named Caesar, by any chance? ’Cause that could spell trouble.”
Caitlin laughed again. “I think it’s a good sign when you’re more worried about the apes taking over than you are about Webmind.”
“Well, it’s easier to say, ‘Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape’ than it is to say, ‘Get your—um, your intangible hyperlinks off me, you damn dirty… world-spanning ethereal… thingamajig.’ ”
“Exactly!” said Caitlin. “But Hobo—that’s the ape—he’s not going to take over, either.”
“I dunno,” said Stewart. “I bet if Gallup took a poll on this, Hobo’s approval rating would be higher than that of either presidential candidate.”
“Well,” said Caitlin, feeling very pleased with herself, “he’s certainly got the swing vote.”
Stewart laughed his good-natured laugh and leaned back in his chair. “But about Webmind’s speech today. I saw it, and—speaking as a professional broadcaster, I have to say, the whole talking-happy-face thing was… well, I’d have loved to have been in the room to hear that pitch.” Stewart affected a New Jersey accent: “ ‘See, whatcha wanna do, Mr. Supercomputer, you gotta speak to the United Nations, you go in there looking like a video-game character, cuz that’s all nonthreatening-like. But you can’t do Super Mario, cuz that’ll offend the Italians. And you can’t do Frogger, cuz that’ll offend the French. So, I’m thinking Pac-Man—who’s that gonna offend? Bunch of freakin’ ghosts?’ ”
Caitlin was sure her grin was almost as big as Dr. Theopolis’s. “Or maybe compulsive eaters,” she said. And then she made a nom-nom-nom gobbling sound.
“True,” said Stewart, switching back to his normal voice. “And I’ve gotta say, Webmind’s speech sounded good to me. But, then again, I believed all the things the president said he was going to do, too. Just think—if we had really gotten Canadian-style health care, and since I already can see, maybe I’d now have X-ray vision.”
“Well, if you did, you’d see this chip in my head isn’t doing anything but helping me see.”
“You’re referring to the interview with ABC you did on Sunday.”
“Yes. That guy was…” She trailed off.
“This is cable. It’s all right to call him a douche bag.”
“A total douche bag!”
“Was that you or Webmind talking?” asked Stewart.
Caitlin grinned. “Me. Webmind is much more diplomatic.”
twenty-one
All right, Peyton Hume thought. Webmind is probably onto me. And, more than that, Webmind probably knows that I’m onto it. Which meant there was no need any longer for all the cloak-and-dagger stuff. He pulled out his new cell phone and simply called the next hacker on his list, a man in Takoma Park who went by the name Teh Awesome—a guy almost as good (or bad!) as Crowbar Alpha or Chase.