“What now, Carter?” She stopped, but didn’t turn around.
“There is only one way to kill her.”
“What’s that?”
“You will have to kill me first.”
Chapter 58
THE PAST: ALICE’S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM
Waltraud wheels me back to my cell. I stare at my immobile legs in dismay. I’m sweating out of shock. But I am not crying anymore. I’ve dried all my tears already.
“Mr. Jay wants you to rethink the Lullaby pill,” Waltraud says, sending me into my cell.
Speechless, I stare into the mirror in front of me. I’ve witnessed this scene before, only I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was mad. Turns out I’m not. I’m reliving my past in full color.
How I wish I was mad right now.
“There is no rabbit in the mirror,” I manage to say.
“There’s never been a rabbit,” Waltraud says. She whispers in my ear, “It’s always been you. We’re proud of you.”
I let out a chuckle. A painful one. A mixture of laughter and crying. Pain and pleasure. Sanity and insanity.
It occurs to me that I’m just confused. If this is my past, why am I sad? I am the Real Alice. A dark and vicious one that everyone was looking for because they feared me the most.
Why am I sad, then? I can’t escape me. Why is there a nagging part of me wanting me to be a hero?
“I’m really sorry I broke your knees,” Waltraud says. The irony. “You were under the pill’s influence. I had to stop you from escaping. I’m really sorry.”
When I raise my eyes to meet hers in the mirror, I realize she is scared of me. Now that the pill’s influence has worn off, she is expecting me to return to my real self. She thinks I will hurt her.
“I hope you don’t hold grudges against me,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me.”
The irony, times two. Or better, times Walraud’s weight. Even better, times the number of times she will fry me in the Mush Room in the future.
“Do you want me to wash your feet?” she offers. “Mr. Jay says it’s going to take you six months for your knees to recover.”
“No, Waltraud. I don’t want you to wash my feet. I want to ask you about Dr. Tom Truckle.”
“The pill-popping fool who thinks he is building an ark and saving the Mushroomers to win the Wonderland Wars?” Her whole body shakes when she laughs.
“So he doesn’t know about me?”
“We let him pursue his plan with Carroll’s legacy,” Waltraud says. “I pretend I fear him the most when he talks to me, just to keep up the act. But he’s a pawn in Black Chess’s plan.”
This explains a lot about him in the future. The poor man is chasing a loom of nothingness. But I don’t want Waltraud to sense my sympathy. I’m not sure why my inner self resists being the Bad Alice, but it’s how I feel.
Maybe it’s because of what the Pillar showed me in the future. Maybe it’s been the Pillar’s plan from the beginning: to show me the good person I can become in the future, preparing me for a hard choice when I learn who I really am in the past.
My head isn’t clear yet, and for whatever reason, I need to play along. “Good. It’s best to keep Dr. Truckle in the dark.”
Waltraud’s smile broadens. “Does that mean you’re not taking the pill? Does that mean you’ll stay one of us?”
“I haven’t decided yet. Not before I meet the Queen of Hearts. I need to ask her something.”
“Of course,” she says. “I will call her right away.”
And now the Queen is in the palm of my hand. I own her because I’m Black Chess’s favorite. Who would have thought?
Chapter 59
“What can I do for you, dear Alice?” the Queen of Hearts says, standing before me.
She hasn’t possessed the Queen of England’s body yet at this point. She looks as ugly as I’ve seen her in Wonderland. Stocky, short, her facial features almost unrecognizable. Like a frog, with bulging eyes, a lost nose, and a big mouth.
“Still as ugly as you’ve always been,” I mock her, testing my credibility.
“Thanks for the compliment.” She lowers her head, fidgeting with her hands. “I’m working on a new face in this world. Haven’t found a spell to get it, though.”
“How about Margaret?”
“She was the first one to arrive from Wonderland. She had someone surgically fix her. But she’s taller than me, so it’s easier for her. She’s in Parliament right now.”
“Proud of her,” I say. “She isn’t wasting time playing by the book.”
“I’ll tell her that. She’ll be happy.” She stops to think about it. “But maybe I shouldn’t tell her about you now. You know no one knows about you but me and Mr. Jay.”
I didn’t know that. It explains why none of the Wonderlanders knows about the sequence of the events in the future. I wonder how the Queen didn’t recognize me in the future, then. I’m sure I will know how along the way. “How about Waltraud? She knows who I am.”
“Don’t worry about that loser,” the Queen says. Waltraud isn’t in the room. “We’re feeding her a huge dose of Lullaby pills right now. She will not remember you. I believe that’s your wish, right?” She raises her eyes to meet mine. “I understand you don’t want to take the pill and spend the rest of life in the asylum.”
I nod, wanting her to spill the rest for me. Why did the Bad Alice want to forget about what she had done? It can’t be that I changed overnight. There must be a reason. I have to find out why.
“Mr. Jay told me about the deal. If you take the pill, we will have to take it, too,” the Queen says. “You don’t want us to remember you as well.”
So that’s why no one remembers me in the future. The Bad Alice had a change of heart and ordered her obituary, spending the rest of her life in an asylum.
“I’m impressed your stupid brain managed to fully understand my wishes,” I say, playing my part.
The Queen’s face twitches. She fears me, but she holds grudges. It makes sense. She once ruled Wonderland with her stupidity and anger. Then something happened after the circus. Who knows what? It’s hard to bring the subject to the table right now. “Do you happen to also remember why I need the pill?” I say. “I need to make sure you understand.”
“Of course,” she says. “Because of Jack. I’m really sorry.”
“What about Jack?”
“But you know why, dear Alice.”
“Just spit it out.”
“You regret having accidentally killed Jack on the bus,” she says. “Even though everyone on this bus had to die, Jack wasn’t meant to be on it. He didn’t have to die. I understand how this changed you. Love changes everything.”
Chapter 60
THE PAST: THE QUEEN’S LIMOUSINE, OUTSIDE THE ASYLUM
Now that I know what changed my dark heart, I tell the Queen she and Mr. Jay have to take the pill when I take it. I tell her that I’m still determined to forget and spend the rest of my life in the asylum.
The Queen complies, and confirms Mr. Jay has taken the pill. I only ask her to watch the sunset outside for one last time before I resort to my madness inside the dark asylum. The Queen complies, and now we’re outside in her limousine, driving around.
“You can still forget about the pill,” the Queen, sitting next to me, advises. “You can rule the world when we win the war. I have information that someone has found a way to bring the Wonderland Monsters into this world. Week by week they will arrive and wreak havoc on this world until we take our revenge on humans.”