Two wardens arrive at the door, one of them whistling a warning. Suddenly the place is head over heels.
“Alice,” the Pillar says. “I have a great idea how to get out of here.”
“Please tell me.”
The Pillar raises an eyebrow and says, “Run!”
Chapter 28
When the Pillar says run, you realize you’re in great danger. This is what Tom Truckle does. Even the Pillar himself disappears in the flash of an eye, probably behind the bushes, because this place is actually a small prison of trees and vicious flowers.
There is nowhere out of here, except climbing over the high walls in the back or through the door we came from.
I find myself stranded, but unafraid of the Reds by the door. It’s not like I haven’t confronted them before. It’s just never happened with my back against the wall.
“What are you doing?” Tom Truckle says from behind the bushes. “They’ll kill you. You’re wanted since you broke the treaty and left the compound.”
What am I doing? Heck, I have no idea. Something inside urges me to fight back. I suppose this is a more experienced version of myself in the future, even with the few pounds I’ve put on.
One of the Reds steps forward and talks to me from the hollow darkness of his mask. “We don’t have to do this, Mrs. Wonder. If you comply and let me send you back to the compound, everything will be fine.”
I am about to scratch my head. Just like that, bring me back to the compound? Didn’t the Queen declare me a fugitive? Is that a trick?
He extends a hand. “Please, will you come with me?”
“And my friends?”
“You have no friends in here, Mrs. Wonder,” the Red says. “You’re only a bit confused. Have you taken your medication today?”
Again? Tiger, my son, asked me if I had taken my pills this morning. What is that all about?
I resort to silence, readying my fist for a fight.
“Mrs. Wonder, please don’t,” the Red says.
“I’m not leaving without my friends. Either you let us go, or else.”
“I can’t let you go. Queen’s orders. But I can spare you from having your head chopped off and send you back to the compound.” Why do I have a feeling he also fears me?
“No, I will not comply,” I say.
The Reds behind him gather and begin to approach me. First the nines, then the eights, the sevens, and so on. There’s about thirty of them in this small garden in Christ Church. I wonder why the Pillar lets me fight alone. I know he can choke them with his hookah.
The first two Reds run toward me. I find myself curving my body and slightly maneuvering to one side. The two slash the air with their swords, but one hurts the other.
Well, that was neat. Where did I learn that?
“Reds!” the leader roars, and four others approach, grunting behind their cloaks. It’s time for a real fight.
Chapter 29
This time, and I still don’t know how I am doing this, I run to the nearest tree, and with speed I find myself walk perpendicularly on its surface for a second. Then I somersault back in the air. Just as if I am professional parkour runner, tapping on the edges of walls and trees and walking on thin wires.
Wow. That feels good.
Instead of landing back on the ground, I land on their heads. Amazingly, I tap on each Red’s head quickly, breaking them, but never falling to the ground. Then finally, when they’re nothing but empty cloaks crumbled on the grass, I land on my feet. Like a ballerina.
“Huh.” I rub imaginary dust from my clothes. “Not bad for a thirty-three-year-old mum.”
“You think you can outsmart all of us?” the leader says. “With that silly None Fu of yours?”
Oh, so that’s it. None Fu in the future. Pretty dope.
“Reds!”
Now it’s ten of them. They’re carrying swords. I don’t carry one because I am swift, agile, and can almost walk on air.
I raise my hands in the air, as if I were the Karate Kid. Tension fills the air. They can’t predict my next move. I give in to my inner future powers and let my body do what feels right. This time I am running in their direction. I duck the first sword. Pull the cloak from under a Red. When he disappears, and I have the cloak for myself, I use it against the slashing sword of another Red. The cloak is incredibly uncuttable — a bit elastic, though. I wrap it around the Red’s sword until I force him to let go of it. I catch the sword in midair with one hand while I choke him with the cloak.
I am so having fun.
Too stubborn to use the sword, I throw it up in the air and, like a mad ballerina, kick the Reds left and right while binding their cloaks into one another. I’m basically like a hurricane in a cartoon movie, swirling through them, and there is nothing they can do about it.
I end up with a bunch of Red cloaks that I can make a good, long rope from.
Standing erect, I finally face the leader of the Reds, now standing alone, pretending he isn’t afraid of me.
“You think we will spare you, Mrs. Wonder?” he says. “More Reds are on their way.”
“That’s sad,” I say. “Because you will not have enough time to give them orders.”
The Reds leader seems confused by my confidence. I raise my head and look for the sword I’d thrown up in the sky. Now it comes down, slashing him in two symmetrical halves.
Someone claps behind me, applauding my performance. I swirl back to face my next enemy, but it’s only the Pillar, sitting on a chair, smoking a hookah in the middle of the garden. Now back in real Pillar form. No more possessing doctors.
“You abandoned me,” I say. “I fought them all alone while you smoked your hookah?”
“It’s a good one, trust me.” He takes a drag. “Moroccan tobacco, brewed and chewed and extracted from a forty-year-old virgin plant.”
I turn and look at Tom Truckle hiding behind the trees. “It’s time for you to talk to me.” I pull him out.
“Not before you get me out of here,” Tom says. “More of them are coming.”
He is right about that. “All right, follow me.”
I pull Tom with me toward the door, intending to keep using my skills to leave Oxford Asylum. The Pillar, however, keeps smoking in the garden.
“You’re not coming?” I grimace.
“After you kill ’em all.” He breathes out a curl of smoke in the air. “You’re the one who has a triple black belt in None Fu. Welcome to the future, Alice.”
Chapter 30
THE FUTURE: ST. ALDATES STREET, OUTSIDE OXFORD ASYLUM FOR THE CRIMINALLY SANE
As I continue using my unmatchable None Fu skills, Tom Truckle hides behind me. He also answers some of my questions. It’s a weird way to have a conversation, but I want to know all about him.
“It’s my fault we lost the Wonderland War,” he says, as I strangle a few Reds.
“We?” I punch another. “Since when were you on the Inklings side?”
“There is so much you don’t know about me.”
“Better talk now, or I’ll do to you what I am doing to them.” I smash Reds into each other. “How come you’re the Mock Turtle? You’re a Wonderlander?”
“A neglected one, actually.” He ducks behind me. “No one ever noticed me back then.”
“I guess that’s why Lewis wrote so briefly about you.”
“Even though I inspired the famous mock turtle soup.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” I somersault and kick two Reds in midair. “Its taste sucks. Who eats turtle soup?”