Richard looked at the woman, pressed to her limits and beyond, and spoke quietly. " It is all right, Rebecca. I am surprised you have lasted this long. If it were me, I would have been beating the door down. All we can do now is pray that Charlie comes to his senses soon."
"I have been praying everyday since I brought him home." She looked to Em who was finally calming and kissed her baby on the head. "I love you, my little darling."
--*--
Jocko stormed down the stairs. He had endured enough and the lady of this house most certainly had. He was nearly at a run by the time he had reached Charlie's door and the momentum was more than enough for him to kick the door in.
Bursting into the room, he saw Charlie sitting in the chair, eyes glazed over, staring into space.
"Well, you have finally done it, you damn fool!"
Charlie just looked at him, lost and confused.
"Go ahead and sit there like an idiot. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. I am done feeling sorry for you! I have just seen your beautiful, strong wife lose her senses. Dr. Walker is up there right now probably putting stitches in her hand, because she put it through a pane of glass. It is her and your little ones that I will spend my time feeling sorry for now."
Charlie shook himself. "Rebecca? Stitches?"
"Yes, stitches in her hand. She cut her hand, because the burden you have placed on her shoulders with your stubbornness has finally gotten to her. Not to mention that I found your little girl outside your door today, promising to be good and begging me to make you love her again."
Charlie closed his eyes. In a calm, patient tone, as if explaining to a child, Charlie started. "Look at me, Jocko. I was never the man that Rebecca and Em need. And now, I am not even a whole human being. All I can do is be a burden for them. So they will feel pain now, and I am sorry, but then I will be gone and they can have a real life. They have all the money they need. Maybe that dark haired gentleman that Rebecca seems to like and Em loves to play with will care for them."
Jocko could not help it; he started laughing. "You are an ass. Do you know who that young man is?"
"No. I assume he is some Southern soldier returning home after the war. He seems to have come courting Rebecca." Charlie started to say something else, but just could not get it out of his mouth. He was going to say ‘‘I wish him well’ but the truth was that he wished the man to hell. Rebecca was the only love Charlie would ever have, and he no longer deserved her, if he ever had.
"That is her cousin, you mule-headed son of a bitch. Her aunt's eldest boy. Rebecca is all the family he had left, so he came here. I hate to tell you this, Charlie boy, but the only person Rebecca wants in her life in that way is you."
Charlie half rose out of his chair. He glared at Jocko. "You fool. How can you say that? You have seen what my body has become. How could anyone ever want to touch someone who looks like me? Let alone a gentle, sensitive lady like Rebecca. Jesus Christ, Jocko. Before Rebecca, the only ones who would touch me were whores, paid to be discreet and responsive. She wanted me, not this mangled excuse for a body. What am I supposed to do? Limp up to her and make love? I cannot even make it to the door right now, let alone up the stairs. And when I do, and I see revulsion and pity on her face, what then? What of my children, who will only know a Papa who limps around, cannot teach them to ride, to hunt, to shoot –– to be men and women of pride? What pride can a cripple teach them? How am I supposed to run this farm –– from a chair? Jocko, I have nothing left to give them. Let me go."
"You do not remember, do you? You do not remember Rebecca being at your side in camp, do you? She performed surgery on you, Charlie, when Elizabeth was far too exhausted to do it properly any longer. That lady took those instruments in hand and took care of your wounds. She knows what you look like, Charlie, and she has not shied away from it yet. As for your children, Christ! Em only wants her Papa; she could not care less about your wounds. Your boys will grow up with it. It will be normal for them, as normal as you will allow it to be. Dr. Walker believes you will ride again, if you get off your lazy, feeling sorry for yourself arse and do what you are supposed to do to get better. There is nothing we can do to help you if you will not help yourself first."
Charlie only caught the first part of Jocko’s speech. He was stunned. "She was there? I thought I was dreaming? She was the one who…… Oh, God. I have been such a fool. How did she get there? What happened? You have to tell me, Jocko. How bad a mess have I made of things?"
Jocko's brow lifted slowly over his eye, creeping up his forehead and he put his fists on his hips. "Oh, so that is how it is? I see. Yes, she was there. Elizabeth sent for her when we thought you were going to die, but she came, resolute that you would not die. She even came up with the treatment for the infection that nearly cost you that leg you were so worried about. She stayed by your side until Elizabeth put a sedative in her tea to make her sleep. She never turned away from you. Then she brought you home and wanted to help you get better and you turned her out, Charlie boy. You drove her away." He sighed, putting his hands to his sides. "All you have to do is ask to see her and she will be here. Yes, Charlie, you have bloody well made a mess of things, and you are damn lucky you have a forgiving woman in Rebecca, cause if it were me, right now, I would let you rot." More softly, he added, "Charlie, she only wants you."
Charlie looked down at himself, dressed in a dirty nightshirt, shoeless, and probably smelling a bit ripe since he had refused Jocko’s assistance in bathing. "Jocko, can you help me get cleaned up a bit?" Charlie looked pitiful, lost and confused, and very ashamed, but somehow more himself than he had been in days.
"It would be my pleasure. It is good to have my friend back. I did not much care for the fool who had taken his place."
Charlie was shaky, but game. "Neither did I."
--*--
Getting Charlie cleaned up was more of a project than either man expected. By the time they were through, he was shaved, smelled good, and was dressed in a loose pair of trousers, a shirt and his robe and slippers. He was also exhausted. But he was also determined to begin the process of making amends with his wife and daughter.
"Jocko, how am I going to get up the stairs? I can barely stand for a minute, let alone walk."
"Wait just a moment." Jocko stepped out of the office and across the hall to the kitchen, where he found, as he expected, Reg chatting with Sarah as they washed the supper dishes. "Reg, come with me for a moment." The two men essentially picked Charlie up in a sling made of their arms and carried him up the stairs to the door of the back parlor. "Well, Charlie boy, from here you are on your own."
Reg laid his hand on Charlie’s arm. "Wait a moment, sir." He scooted to the large umbrella stand by the front door and pulled out an old cane, left by some absentminded visitor years before. "This may help."
The two men stepped back from Charlie and watched as he cautiously knocked on the parlor door.
Rebecca looked up from little Charlie's slumbering face. She was cradling one son, while the other slept near by and Em slept on the couch. After her outburst and when Elizabeth finished with her hand, she had felt an overwhelming desire to be close to her children. "Come in."
Charlie opened the door and then switched the cane to his good hand. Slowly, he shuffled into the parlor, and then just stood there, looking at his family. He looked into Rebecca’s eyes, trying to find words. "I am so, so sorry."
She stood, being very careful of her son, and walked to Charlie. She was not sure what to say to him; a wrong word might set him off again. "I love you."
"I love you. I just did not know…… I think we need to talk." Charlie stopped, unable to continue in the face of his own overwhelming stupidity. "Can I sit down?"