"No." She stopped rubbing her back and lay down next to her, but kept rubbing small soothing circles on her back. "Look at me, Charlie."
Charlie looked into her eyes. What she saw took her breath away. She looked at her like a child, filled with pain, waiting to be hit yet again. She had stopped breathing. She could feel the goose bumps all over her skin. She could feel the muscles she had worked so hard to relax tighten into bands of steel.
"You trust me, do you not, Charlie?"
She nodded her head, her eyes locked on Rebecca’s.
"You know I would never lie to you?"
Again, she nodded, holding her breathe, waiting.
"Then you must believe me when I say this to you Charlie. I see in you the best of both. You are strong like a man, a charming gentleman and yet you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You remind me of a classical sculpture of a ancient Goddess."
Something in her words touched an empty little place within her. Her face relaxed a bit. In a very soft voice, Charlie finally found words. "Thank you, dear Rebecca. No one ever told me that I was beautiful. I was always too tall, too ungainly, too gawky. As a man, I was too whippy, too thin. It feels very strange, but very nice." The blush was back in full force.
"Anyone who has said these things to you should be ashamed. You are the most striking person I have ever seen. And since I have said this much, I feel I must continue. Is that all right?"
If anything, the blush rose higher. Charlie nodded. If she did anything else, she might try to crawl into Rebecca’s arms, and that would not do.
"I am telling you this because I want you to understand. I am a bit confused by all of this Charlie. And I am working very hard to figure it all out." She made a long languid stroke up and down her back that was sensual and meant to be. "I hope that I can find a way to express to you how much you mean to me. How much I have come to care for you. But this is new and very different to me on a variety of levels and I just ask for your patience."
With the stroke up and down her spine, Charlie froze. Her eyes closed, and her brow furrowed slightly as she concentrated on Rebecca’s words. Care for me? She cares for me? When her eyes opened again, she found herself looking into lakes of pure silver. "I am here, Rebecca. However you want me. Whatever you want from me. You have only to reach out and I will be here."
Rebecca’s hand moved from her back to her face caressing her cheek. She watched her for a long moment the leaned in and gave Charlie a very soft, chaste kiss. Right on the lips. She lingered for a brief moment, allowing the sensations to settle so she could work through them later.
Sweet Jesus. The heat roared through Charlie, ignited by that gentle touch. Every muscle in her body tightened. A light sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead. Rebecca could feel the trembling in her body through the bed. If she had held that kiss for a second more, Charlie would not have been able to prevent herself from gathering Rebecca in her arms and keeping her there. She looked into Rebecca’s eyes, her soul there for her to take.
Rebecca looked carefully at her. She graced her with a shy smile. "Thank you, Charlie."
"Thank you, dear Rebecca."
Charlie cleared her throat. "Um. Rebecca? I, uh, I need to do something here or I will either embarrass myself or frighten you."
She looked at him, not understanding. "Charlie?"
"Ah, I need to get some clothes on."
"Oh yes of course, let me get you a night shirt." She rose from her spot on the bed and retrieved a freshly washed shirt for Charlie. She laid it on the bed, and then, even though she really did not want to, she turned around to give her a bit of privacy. "You would not have frightened me, Charlie."
Charlie could not stand it. She needed to feel her against her body again, if only for a moment. She stepped behind Rebecca and very gently drew her back against her chest. She slid her hands down her arms and then softly wrapped them around her waist, holding her close, burying her face in her hair, savoring the warmth and smell of her.
Rebecca’s mind flashed to the dream she had. Suddenly it was almost too clear. She laid her hand over Charlie's and leaned back . "I feel things when I am with you I have never felt before." She whispered, closing her eyes and enjoying this connection. She wished she would touch her as she had in her dream.
The feel of her body leaning against her naked chest, her shoulders brushing against her nipples was driving Charlie crazy. "If I do not let go of you, I will beg you here and now to make love with me. And I do not want that. I do not want you to decide that I am not what you want. I need you to be sure." She hoped Rebecca understood what she was trying to say.
She gasped before opening her eyes. "If you do not let go of me you will not have to beg. But I am grateful for your patience, Charlie. I want to share so much with you, but I need to work it through." Her heart was pounding so hard she felt light headed, but she did not let go of her, she would have to move first.
Slowly, gently, she ran his hands over her slender waist and up the sides of her ribs, as if she was memorizing her. She leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her shoulder where her nightdress left it bare. "Sweet lady. When you are ready." Then she stepped back, caught up the nightshirt and quickly pulled it over her head. She was breathing hard, her hands itched with the desire to hold her and there was a gaping hole in her chest that Rebecca’s slender form had filled. "When you are ready."
The two of them settled into bed, both a little shy, both a little awkward. Charlie caught Rebecca's hand and brought it to her lips. "Ready for sleep?"
She chuckled. "Not really, I am sorry. If you would like to sleep I can go downstairs for a bit."
"No, I am not exactly sleepy myself. Something about a backrub, I believe."
Rebecca blushed. "I was not trying to...well...you know." she giggled then scrubbed her face to try and rid it of the blush. "Can we talk for a bit? Or I could read."
"Stay here and talk, if you do not mind. I love learning about you, and I find you are one of the few people I am comfortable with talking about myself."
"There is so very little about me to know. I am afraid you know most of it all ready. Tell me something about yourself. Tell me why you joined the Army."
Charlie settled a pile of pillows against the headboard and relaxed, opening her arms for Rebecca to cuddle against her. "This is very nice, dear." A satisfied hum came from the small woman who was resting her head on her shoulder.
"I promised I would tell you how I got the stripes on my back."
Rebecca looked up at him, startled. She had asked for the story of how she joined the army, never guessing that there was a link.
Charlie continued in a quiet voice. It was almost a monotone, lacking emotion. Rebecca was concerned. It was as if Charlie went away, and left only this voice, recounting whatever it was that Charlie was remembering.
"I was born in Charleston, South Carolina in 1829. My father, Mark Russell Redmond, was a merchant who provided all manner of goods and equipment for the merchant fleets that sailed in and out of Charleston. He was a big man, a black Scot, with a stern visage and a tight fist for money. My mother, Emelia Huger DuBosque, was from one of the French Huguenot families, small, delicate, with laughing blue eyes and coal black hair. They were quite a striking pair, I am told. I do not remember my mother well, as I was only four when she died of yellow fever. Mostly I only remember little snippets, like fragments of dreams. I missed her terribly for many years."
Charlie stopped for a moment, the memory of the dream he had of his mother still very fresh in his mind. He realized that the lovely woman cuddled in his arms was the first woman other than his mother who had ever just held him because she wanted to. He tightened his grip on Rebecca slightly, wondering at the feel of it.