She looked up, tears pooling in her eyes. "I swear, Charlie, I tried to be a good wife to him and I will try for you. I promise." The tears finally gave way and rolled down her cheeks.
Charlie held her gently and yet firmly. "Rebecca, look at me and listen to me very carefully. I want you to know that everything I am going to tell you is the absolute, unflinching truth."
She nodded, that frightened woman who lived in the back of her mind waiting for Charlie to tell her the same things. But her heart told her it could be different. "Yes?"
"To me, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I can get lost in your eyes; I joy in the sight and feel of your hair; your skin is like silk against my hands and lips. You have shown over and over how gentle you are and how caring, for me and for others. I am awed that you have managed to keep your home together as you have, facing the ravages of war alone. I am humbled by your bravery and your courage. The problem is not you, dear. It was never you. It was him."
"I have lived as I was taught by my parents, Charlie. To be kind, to care for others. I have lived by those teachings. I have only done what I need to. I am not special, I just want to love and be loved. I did not think that was wrong. But he made me feel like it was. He made me feel like a worthless whore sometimes. He used to tell me that is what I was when he forced himself on me. That I was nothing more than a brood mare, like the ones we kept in our stables."
Charlie held her close and stroked her hair. "He was wrong, beloved. He was so very, very wrong. There are some people in the world; people who are dead inside and who only feel alive when they can make someone else hurt. That is the only time that they can actually see that they can affect others. I do not understand it, but I have seen this on occasion. It is evil, reprehensible in every way, but it does happen. And these angry, broken people go through life hurting others, just as a rabid dog will lash out and injure anything or any one that gets in their way. I am so sorry that you fell into his hands, my heart. And I am even sadder that you bear the scars of his illness. But it was not your illness, it was his, I promise you."
Charlie cleared his throat and then plunged on - into the area that was hardest for him. "My love, I know what kind of scars someone like that can inflict. I told you about my father, some. How he beat me. What I did not tell you is how he acted for most of my life. When my mother died, I think that something in him died, too. Somehow, he was angry at the whole world, and since he could control me, he took it out on me. Finally, I could take it no more, and so you see me as I am. I chose to give up my identity, everything I was or could be to escape. You had the strength to remain true to yourself and withstand his illness."
"Oh, Charlie, I never would have had your courage. The courage it took to leave and never look back. I do not think you ran way. I think you were very courageous for doing what you did. Had my husband not left and died when he did, I am not sure I would have survived much longer. After Andrew was killed I really did not have a reason any longer." She caressed his cheek and smiled. "But now I think we were brought together from our terrible pasts. We both have so much that makes us different that we understand each other as no one else could. And I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life doing my best to give you the happiness you deserve."
"All you need to do, my dear, is to do your best to be happy for yourself. I love you. I want what is best for you. I will give you everything I can, and everything I am to keep you safe and give you the kind of life you deserve. The next words came like razors over his lips, but he said them anyway. "And if a real man should come into your life who can give you what I cannot, I will let you go to him."
Rebecca laughed as a thought crossed her mind and she looked up to Charlie. "Are you prepared for the sympathy you will receive when it becomes apparent that your wife cannot give the distinguish Colonel children?" She laughed again, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "And I assure you, Charlie. There is no one in my life but you and there never will be."
"For you, my dear, I would attribute that to a war wound."
"You most certainly will not." She grinned, "The town whispers about my inability now. May as well let them think that still."
"They would know differently, if the right man came into your life. I will not do that to you, dear." Charlie's heart cried. She had ignored his offer to stand aside if the right man came along.
"You are the right man, Charlie. There will be no other. I have learned what love is and I intend to hold onto you for dear life."
As darkness fell, the two sat, drained, cuddled together and quietly rejoicing in the simple comfort they offered one another’s wounded souls.
Chapter 12
Tuesday, November 29, 1864
Rebecca paced outside the door of Charlie’s office. He was still in his midday meeting and the fact she had been summoned made her wonder what was going on. In the time that Charlie had been there, he had never called her to his office when he was working.
She twisted her hands nervously, waiting for the meeting to end and the officers to leave. Finally, the door opened and the officers filed out, each of them smiling and offering various greetings to the woman.
"Good day, gentlemen." She smiled back before peeking into the office and rapping on the doorframe, "Charlie?"
"Come in, Rebecca, and please, have a seat." He rose from his desk and stood while she settled herself. "I know I am being a little presumptuous in asking you to join me here, but since this is official business, I thought it might be easier. We have a problem in town and I hope you can help fix it. There are refugees showing up from some of the harsher battle zones. The most charitable Mrs. Williams made it very clear that the people of Culpeper do not have the resources to help these folks. While I do not believe her, I do not know where to start."
"My goodness, for a woman who does not want or need our help she certainly was quick to bring this problem to us."
"Yes, well, she coerced your friend, Mrs. Cooper, into riding out here and dropping this in my lap. Got an eyeful, too, as I had just finished my morning run."
Rebecca chuckled, picking a piece of lint from her dress. "Charlie Redmond, you keep it up and I will have to beat the women of Culpeper off with a stick. But before that I suppose we should try and figure out what it is we can do to help. Your men have taken over most of the buildings on the land. I am not sure we have room for more people. Unless you have any ideas." She smiled at him. "You know I am always open to your suggestions."
Charlie tugged at his earlobe for a moment, obviously a little uncomfortable with what he was going to suggest. "I was thinking that if each of the leading families in Culpeper took one refugee family into their homes, and I saw to it that there were extra rations, extra blankets, that sort of thing, we would be able to handle much of the influx. You have a big house here, with lots of bed rooms that are not being used and I was hoping you would set the mark for the rest of them."
"Ah, I see. Well, yes I suppose we could take in a few of them, Charlie. But it will require lots of work to ready the house. Are your men finished enough with camp that you could allow them to lend a hand? I could not expect Duncan and Reg to do all the work."
"I could give you a squad of men –– what do you need? Or do you want to leave that to Duncan?"
"We will have to make sure the rooms are clean, find a way to prepare beds and storage. I think we will have to find and install stoves in some of the rooms. The fireplaces warm the house enough if you have proper clothing to ward off the chill, but I imagine these people will not have much. And Charlie, if there are any men among them I am afraid we will have to find spots for them with your troops. I just would not be comfortable having strange men residing in the house with displaced women and children."