“Why are you staring at me?” She gazed up from her book. Her dark hair was a blanket I wanted to wrap myself up in.
“Because you’re beautiful,” I simply said, being truthful and honest. She seemed to absorb what I had said as a small curve lifted on both sides of her mouth.
Minutes passed by before her smile disappeared and she spoke again, “I know right now all we’re good at is saying sorry and fucking stuff up, but that’s okay because life is a learning curve and all…” She was rambling, but it was one of the most adorable things I was just now noticing about her, so I let her go on about whatever it was she was getting at because at that moment I swore I could really see her.
“God! I’m just sorry, Chase.” She changed tactics as she pushed her hair out of her face and looked at me straight on. Her beauty couldn’t be measured, her eyes sucked me in every time. There was no coming back from a woman who looked at you like she did me.
“I don’t need an apology for anything. You needed space and time. I’m a man and men get irritable, Gia. Don’t do me any favors by saying you’re sorry.” There was an edge to my voice that I couldn’t let go of no matter how hard I tried.
She dropped her eyes to my chest. “Still, if I could go back to that day…” I could hear the despair in her words. Without thought I reached across the table, placing my fingers under her chin and forcing her eyes to meet my own.
“Shhh, don’t be sorry for your own emotions or the fact that you made a choice. Everything in life has a factor. Every choice has a reaction and life in general always has a choice that has to be made. In my eyes we were brought together for a reason.” I didn’t want to sound cheesy or like I was spewing bullshit, but even I knew God put certain people on your path, in your life for a reason. That or Jacobs had finally rubbed off on me.
Tears formed in her eyes, little pools of darkness on top of the beautiful brown that they were. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her into my warmth, but I knew I couldn’t because there would be no way I would stop there, so I retreated, pulling my hand away.
“Don’t cry,” I said, I felt conflicted with my own emotions. The lines of my wants and needs were blurring into one line, a line that wanted me to cross all the lines.
“I’m just emotional.” She wiped at her eyes, brushing away the tears. I could feel myself climbing back into my skin, making myself invisible again.
“Let’s just get the night done, and then we go from there.” My anger was back, and this time it was all because I was finally starting to feel everything that she was feeling.
My stomach was in knots, the way he looked at me with lust and anger in his eyes fueled the earthquake that was now my stomach. I was on the verge of breaking and crumbling beneath him. He was everything I wanted and the one thing I hated. The player in him made me weary, the passion he sparked in me made me crave him like my next breath. We were two magnets that shouldn’t be attracted to one another, yet there was no stopping either of us.
I gripped the book in my hands, like a life-line as it brought me back to the present. Chase was gone, having dismissed himself to clean up before dinner and I knew I should be doing the same, but I couldn’t move. His touch had encompassed me in a wave of emotions, and every time I came up for air I was knocked down by another wave.
“Gia?” Taylor was calling my name, and as I pulled myself from the darkness of my mind I knew I needed to get some advice, I knew I needed to call my mom.
“Yeah?” I smiled, my knuckles growing white against the book in my hands. She had walked into the kitchen with a smile that had fallen the second she had seen me. Guilt washed over me, was I wasting everyone’s time? Was I more of a burden that anything?
“Is everything okay? I called your name like five times. We’re about to set up everything in the media room… you want to come and help?” She talked to me as if I was a fragile piece of glass, capable of slicing her.
“I’ll…” I paused. “I’ll be there in a few. I need to put my things away and call my mom.” I stood up and turned on my heels¸ but was stopped mid-step by Taylor’s hand on my shoulder.
“I know it’s hard to want something and feel like it’s out of reach. I know it’s impossible to think you’re not alone, but you aren’t.” She whispered the words as if they were coming right from her heart and then released me. As soon as her hand was gone, I ran towards my room like a bullet being shot from a chamber.
My mother had gone through so much with my father, if there was anyone that had advice worth listening to it would be her.
The books in my hands fell to the floor as I slammed my bedroom door behind me, locking it just as fast. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I jumped onto my bed where Chase and I had last been together intimately. Looking at the very edge of the bed, I pushed the memories away. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about what we had shared, what had started this whole ordeal.
Searching for my mom’s contact info, I hit the green key to call her. The phone rang twice before she picked up, her cheery voice filtering into the phone and melting away all the pain I felt.
“Gia!!!” She sounded beyond excited to hear from me.
“Mom,” I said trying just as hard to sound happy. I knew that she could tell something was wrong, moms always could.
“What’s wrong? You sound down…” She left the sentence open so I could feel in my own thoughts. Tears were forming again, and I was wondering if I could tell her everything that took place. That it had all been a lie to please my father, a lie that in the end was breaking my heart.
“I feel broken. Like a piece of glass that has been shattered and swept away.” I knew my admission would lead to her asking more questions, but I also knew that the floodgates could no longer be closed. I was on the verge of word vomit and the truth was about to be told.
“Dear God, what is going on? Tell me right now Gianna King or I will come down there and kick your−.”
“I was going to tell you. No need to travel here, Mom.” That was the last thing I needed, my mom seeing how broken down I was, even worse over Chase.
“Well get to it, before I book a flight.” Her tone was serious, and I knew I just needed to tell her instead of beating around the bush.
“Remember what I told you and Dad? About Chase? About how we were dating?” I bit my lip waiting for her response.
“Of course I do.” She huffed into the phone. “I also think it’s a crock of shit. I know a relationship when I see one. Remember all the stories I shared with you about your father and I when he was in the Mafia?”
I laughed into the phone, “I do and you’re right, it wasn’t true. None of it was. Chase and I are, well, we were friends, I think, sorta… kinda like I hate you so much I can’t help but like you. At least we were before we hooked up one night. Now the lines have blurred and I’m feeling emotions that I never have before, feelings that I don’t want to give in to.” I was scared shitless of becoming another notch on his bedpost, another girl that chased him around, raving about him while he wasn’t paying me one ounce of attention.
“What does your heart tell you? Why can’t you give in to how you feel? What’s separating you?”
A tear escaped my eye.
Me.
It was me that was separating us. It was me that was forcing us apart. Fear was a bitch when it wanted to be, it made the reality of the good less appealing, it made everything you feared that much bigger.
“My heart says jump. If you swim then yeah, you survived. If you sink, you’ll always float back to the top,” I confessed.