“Stop staring at me,” her voice met my ears, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m not staring. I mean I can’t believe you’re here, but I also can’t believe you were looking at him the way you were.” My voice was full of shock.
“How can you focus with him tutoring you? I mean… I just…” I laughed out loud not really sure how to explain it to her.
“Chance is different, more... I don’t even know how to word it properly. His brother, now that’s a whole different can of worms.” I answered her while getting the rest of my stuff together. I hadn’t meant to leave things the way I had with Chance because in all honesty I considered him a friend, but if he thought he knew me he was wrong. I wasn’t hung up on Chase. I couldn’t be.
“Well, my day just got twice as good. If there are two of those walking around, I don’t think there will be a chance of me maintaining that 4.0 I promised my mom.” I wanted to laugh at all the naivety that was Taylor. She had no clue the trouble that I could get her into. No idea the kind of things that took place in college. She was new, young, and what the guys around campus would consider fresh meat. Bottom line, Chance wouldn’t be the only guy on campus with his eyes on her.
Not wanting to talk about Chase or Chance a moment longer, I shifted the subject to our housing situation. Taylor had gone ahead and rented out the place she was scoping out on the high end of town. The entire downstairs basement was ours to do with as we pleased while the kitchen and living room would be the shared common areas. Since I was already used to sharing any and all space I had with a roommate I didn’t find it to be strange at all.
“About this place we’re renting...” I said to her as I guided us out of the library and down the steps.
“It’s beautiful! I already saw photos of it. My dad made sure everything turned out good with the property.” What she meant by that was that her dad and my dad had teamed up and ran checks on the owners.
“Great! Now I’m trusting you, Tay. I haven’t seen this place. I just don’t want to be stuck living with people who don’t pay their bills, or buy food for themselves.” My voice was uncertain. Did I really want to move out of student housing to end up in a place with shitty roommates? If I wanted me and Taylor to live together, I really had no other choice.
“It’ll be fine, Gia. I think you’re way too worried. In fact, I think you’re so worried that you should go get us some wine and we should totally have a girls night of catching up?” She winked at me, giving me her pouty eyes. The ones that I’m sure no one, not even I was immune to.
“Fine.” I sighed. “But I get to pick the wine. The last time I let you pick it tasted like I was drinking dry ass water.”
“My wine tastes are very appealing, you just fail to know what good wine is,” she shot back, and I laughed as we bumped shoulders. God, how I had missed her, missed this very interaction.
We walked down the steps to my car in complete silence, just enjoying being together again when I stopped for a moment, catching a glimpse of something across the courtyard. I lingered there for a moment drinking him in, my eyes knew that body− the silhouette, the manner in which he stood.
“Gia?” Taylor called my name breaking me out of my inner thoughts, and I knew we needed to go. At least before he noticed us or Taylor started asking questions about who I was staring at.
“Yeah sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew,” I lied, almost too easily. I didn’t want to explain my one night stand to her, or the fact that I kind of liked Chase but failed at admitting it. Keeping this secret to myself until I figured out exactly how I felt about everything that had transpired between us was the best thing to do.
I stood in my Carpentry class, safety glasses and protective gloves secured to my face and hands. My work area was covered in sawdust as I cut another piece of wood. I was dead set on finishing this extended shoe rack I was making for my mom, so I found myself coming in before class and staying even later more times than not.
A hand landed firmly on my shoulder as I turned the saw off and grabbed another piece of wood to mark the measurements.
“You keep showing this type of dedication and I have no doubt a ton of union crews will want you,” Jacobs, a master carpenter who was responsible for training us stood before me admiring my work. He was my mentor, the man that made my dreams and aspirations not seem that farfetched.
“I hope so because right now I don’t know what’s next for me after graduation,” I spoke to him honestly.
“You’ll figure it out. That’s what life is all about. It’ll happen the way it is intended to happen.”
“You’re like my own personal guru,” I chuckled slightly as I grabbed another piece of wood to mark up.
“That’s what I’m here for, but seriously I want you to come by tomorrow morning. Only if you want to. We can look at some apprenticeships, you can fill out some entry applications, and I’ll write you a sparkly little recommendation letter.”
“I don’t know…” I mumbled, not sure if I wanted to take that route. What if I applied and no one accepted me? What then? “What if no one wants me?” I dropped the wood and looked him dead in the eyes, the feeling of not being good enough eating away at me.
“Sometimes you have to take a risk and go from there, but most of all you have to have confidence that your work speaks for itself. Any master carpenter would be lucky to have you working underneath them. If they can’t see that, then you could always spend another year training with me to perfect your trade. Either way, I got your back.” At his words my mind went back to my mother and something she had said to me years ago.
Dreams don’t come true for people who aren’t willing to go after them.
Time passed extremely fucking slow, a deliberate attack on me I’m certain. Maybe because I’ve been a major fucking douche to everyone that spoke to me, or even looked my way. Or the fact that I couldn’t shake the memories of Gia’s body against mine as I moved on top of her, let alone the decision that needed to be made about my future. Whatever it was, I couldn’t seem to pull myself from inside of my head, and now I have to deal with this rental shit, all because Chance doesn’t have the time today to do it. I should just say fuck it. It’s not like Mom and Dad need the money. It’s not like we need roommates either.
They could be hot chicks, two for one? The little devil sitting on my shoulder whispered in my ear.
Shaking my head of the shit that usually gets me into trouble, I shove off my bed and head into my closet knowing that I have to find something to wear. Apparently, just lounging in my surf shorts with no shirt on isn’t presentable to Chance.
I roll my eyes at our earlier conversation. He’s always the mature, more responsible person. The person who thinks with his whole brain instead of one side like myself. He takes everyone’s opinions into account and cares for others where I only seem to care about my wants. In reality, he is the better version of me, and I wonder if I will ever be enough for someone one day.
Grabbing a pair of brown Cargo shorts and a Henley tee off the floor of my closet I head straight for the shower. I check the time knowing that if I take my time and leave my soon-to-be roommates waiting at the door for a short time, that maybe, just maybe they won’t rent from us. An evil smirk forms on my face as I turn the water to hot and jump in. The water causes tingles to form over my body as the hot water washes away the sweat and hate I have for myself.
Showers are my therapy, my way of dealing with my own ugliness. They give me a chance to clean away the insecurities that reside inside of me and to start over again, even when I know there isn’t a reset button for this thing called life.