I’m twenty-two years old and still feel as if my life after graduation is undecided. There are two routes I could take after being on a one-way street for the past three years. What I really need is a road map to figuring out my next move. I could extend my pre-apprenticeship training, or cross my fingers and hope that I am assigned to a local union where I would work within a union carpentry crew, doing jobs as a First Year Apprentice while working my way up to a journeyman, and if I’m lucky a master carpenter one day.
I look down at myself wondering where I went wrong. In the beginning it was all fun and games, everyone was experimenting their first year of college. Not saying I was inexperienced before then because I’m no saint, and I experimented a lot with a lot of girls that year, but I’m more than this playboy I have presented myself as. I just don’t know how to come back from it.
In high school I stayed in trouble for being the class clown, teachers always said I didn’t take anything seriously. Being sent to the principal’s office one time too many landed me in a carpentry class. The principal felt I needed something to keep my mind and hands preoccupied, that way I wouldn’t have time to goof off. Four years spent in shop and I decided it was something I wanted to take further.
When I signed up for classes my first year here at Auburn they were all general studies’ classes, but when my second year rolled around I was intent on making up for all the bullshit I did freshman year. I extended my general degree to an advanced college degree where I would take classes in new construction, restoration, and preservation carpentry fields. I was ready to make my mom and Dad proud, the same way Chance effortlessly did time and time again, but by then everyone knew my reputation. Guys wanted to hang around me and girls wanted to bang me. They used me to get themselves up the ladder and in return I felt useless when I wasn’t being used. So I became the user so I wouldn’t have to feel the loneliness when everyone walked away, and if I’m being honest that’s the worst feeling imaginable.
Forcing myself to move on and forget the shitty thoughts racing through me all at once, I wash my body and then my hair. I can feel the time dwindling down to when I have to fake a smile and pretend like I’m not raging on the inside as I stand beneath the steady stream of hot water. Once all the soap is washed from my body, I walk out of the floor to ceiling glass shower and grab the brown towel from the hook next to the shower door.
“Fuck!” I yell out loud as I grab my phone and see that I have three missed calls from Chance. Did the doorbell really ring and I missed it? Drying off in record speed I slip into my shorts and then throw on my shirt, not worrying about what my hair looks like.
A moment later, my deodorant and cologne are on and I’m ready to present the house to these new possible roommates. I hit the send key and hustle down the hall towards the front of the house. The phone rings and rings and rings while my feet hit the marble flooring of the kitchen.
“What the fuck were you doing? I called three times!” Chance’s voice is hushed as he finally picks up his phone. He’s probably in the library tutoring, automatically leading my mind to thoughts of Gia. The way she pushes her hair behind her ear and taps her pencil against the table when she is studying. I must have stayed quiet far longer than usual because an impatient huff filters into the phone, alerting me to speak up.
“Oh sorry, Dad! I didn’t realize I was to report to you on everything. In case you need a play by play, I was beating it off in the shower.” My teeth ground together with each word. For some unforeseen reason I was pissed, no I was livid, ready to rip him apart and for what reasoning?
Gia. That’s what my heart said while my mind had thoughts of their own, so I went with my mind, not ready to acknowledge my heart. I’m no good for her anyways.
“Well, dickhead I called to let you know the roommates are running late. They were having an issue with their fall schedules. I just thought I would call and give you a heads up. Obviously, that wasn’t needed as you’re easily getting it up.” He attempted a joke, but it was weak and I was too angry to laugh.
“Ha-ha-ha. Funny,” I mocked arrogantly.
“God, you need to get laid. You have been acting like this since−” I wasn’t about to let him finish his thought. No fucking way. Instead I interrupted, cutting him off before he could get another word out.
“Whatever. Thanks for the heads up, asshole.” I hit the end key on my cell as I stared at the counter in the kitchen for a moment. I needed to breathe, to cool down. I had no real reasoning to be this worked up.
“Breathe,” I told myself forcing some deep breaths into my lungs. I felt like a pussy, like a girl on the verge of a panic attack.
Bracing myself against the counter on my forearms, I stood for a long moment contemplating how I was going to move forward with all the shit emotions that were swirling around deep inside my head.
What if you…
NO! I almost screamed out loud. I felt like I was being eaten alive, like the love bug had finally come and bit me right in the fucking ass. There was no going to Gia, there was no dragging my ass to her and pleading for a date.
I refused.
But I wanted her.
I craved her.
Her lips. Her hair. Her vanilla fucking scent and those chocolate eyes. My cock was getting hard at the very image of her in my mind. The way her back arched as she reached her orgasm. Fuck, this girl was doing things to me. To my mind, to my body, and to my heart.
The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house as it bounced off the walls. I clenched my fists tightly, forcing in fresh oxygen then headed straight towards the front door.
I needed to move on. I needed to push past whatever fucked up obsession I had with her. With my hand resting on the door handle briefly, I rolled my shoulders and opened the heavy wooden door, not realizing just how much my life was about to change. Just how fucking hard it truly would be to move on from Gia motherfucking King.
Sweat covered my hands and my heart all but beat right out of my chest. I knew this house, this whole neighborhood. I knew that the second the door before me opened that everything would change.
I should’ve ran. I should’ve confessed my sins to Taylor. Now there was nothing that I could do. Now I would have to pretend as if I didn’t know him. As if I didn’t care about him at all, when all I could think about was him.
He’s all I’ve thought about since I first seen him all those months ago, I thought to myself as I wrung my hands together nervously.
“Holy shit, this house is…”
“Nice,” I finished the sentence for her, giving her a fake smile. If Taylor could tell that it wasn’t real, she wasn’t letting on, which sent relief coursing through me. She watched me for a moment longer before pressing the doorbell with a genuine smile on her face. She was happy, energetic about it all. There was no fucking way I could go and ruin this for her. I needed to pull on my big girl panties and just deal, that and we had already paid for six months of rent. There was no going back now.
My heartbeat skyrocketed as I heard the click of the doorknob turning as it opened. Wind seemed to stir the air around me, and I almost choked as I looked into a pair of blue eyes that I knew all too well. They flickered straight to me and then to Taylor, and then of course back to me. The shock in his eyes evident and mirroring my own. Thank God for my dark complexion, otherwise Taylor and Chase would’ve been able to see the blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks.
“Umm…” He cleared his throat, his eyes landing on mine again. Why was he staring at me?