I think he’s going to come after me, but then he turns. His focus back to my mother, still gasping for air desperately on the floor. With one arm he grabs her hair in his fist and hoists her back up, slamming her into the refrigerator. Everything resting on the top falls, some of it landing on my mother. But it doesn’t distract him. Holding her head steady with a fistful of hair against the refrigerator he leans his head into my mother’s, his once handsome face contorting to the point that he no longer even resembles himself. “What did I tell you I would do if you tried to leave again, you stupid little cunt? This is all your fault. You bring it all on yourself, you worthless whore. You’re garbage.”
Then he pulls his face back and winds up before slamming his fist square into her cheek. I hear a loud crack and I’m not sure if it’s my mother’s face or my father’s hand, but the sound makes me sick. Physically. I vomit all over myself.
My father punches her again and this time there’s no crack. All I hear is a noise that sounds like a seal barking. It’s my mother, she’s crying out in pain, but her voice is still gone from when he choked her. It’s a horrible sound. A horrible, horrible sickening sound. She can’t breathe and the sound is getting more desperate, but lower at the same time. Like she’s running out of time. She gasps again and I hear that sound again. It’s the most horrible noise I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s also the last thing I remember until the gun blast jolts me.
I tried for months to remember what happened. I remember the sound, my mother trying to breathe. Then I remember the gunshot. It was so loud it hurt my ears. The ringing won’t stop. I remember watching my father fall and seeing blood start to pour out of his head. There was a lot of blood. More than I’ve watched my mother clean up of her own blood after the beatings. It pools into a circle that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Then the pool reaches me and it starts to seep onto my bare feet. But I don’t move. I have no idea where the gunshot came from. Until I look down and realize I’m holding the gun in my own hands.
I wake up holding my ears. For a long moment I can actually hear the ringing. It’s exactly the same as that day. Only when I sit up the sound disappears and the room is silent. Eerily silent. I slap my hands together just to hear sound. I need to be sure I’m awake and the monster is really gone.
Chapter 37
Nico
It’s been three days and Elle still won’t answer my calls. I know I fucked up, and I’ll understand if she never wants to see me again, but I need to see her. Need to apologize for how I treated her. She only wanted to help me, and I was too busy wallowing in self-pity to accept it. I’m a total asshole.
I’ve called and texted. The flowers that I tried to have delivered were returned to the shop twice because no one answered. I banged on her door myself, apologizing and asking her to give me just two minutes. Either she wasn’t home or she hates me so much she won’t even waste her breath to blow me off.
Swallowing my pride, I finally head to her office. I just need to see her. I promise myself that I won’t make a scene.
“Hi Regina.” I try to sound casual, instead of the desperate loser that I really am.
“Hi Nico.”
I can tell by her face that she knows something happened. She tries to smile, but she looks sad.
“Is Elle around?” I glance over Regina’s shoulder, hoping to catch sight of her.
“No, I’m sorry, she’s not.”
Fuck casual. I’m desperate. “Please Regina. If she told you to tell me she isn’t here, go tell her I need to see her.”
There’s something I think might be pity in Regina’s face when she responds. “She’s really not here. She took a few days off.”
“Is she okay?”
“I think so. She just needs some time. There’s a lot you don’t understand.”
“I’m in love with her Regina. I need to see her. Tell her I’m sorry.” Until the words come out of my mouth, I hadn’t even admitted it to myself. But damn it, it doesn’t even scare me. I need to fix this. My own shit isn’t even important anymore. I just need to get to Elle.
Regina looks into my eyes, assessing my sincerity. She looks conflicted, but then I see her smile and shake her head. “She’s going to kick my ass for this. But, here.” She scribbles something on paper and offers it to me. “Her stepfather has a cabin out in Spring Grove. I’m supposed to head there after work.” I go to take the paper from her hand, but she pulls it back and looks up at me. “You have until midnight. If she doesn’t text me not to come by then, I’m coming and you are leaving. Got it?”
“Got it.” I’d make a deal with the devil to get that paper from her hand.
I make the three hour drive in just under two and a half hours. The house is in the middle of nowhere, on a big lake. It bothers me that she’s up here all by herself. The closest house is probably at least a mile away. The inside door is wide open, only a screen door keeping out the unwelcomed.
I knock and feel more alive than I have in days when she responds. Just hearing her voice brings me a sense of relief. She yells from somewhere in the distance. She thinks I’m Regina. “What are you knocking for? Come in.”
I open the door and step inside, looking around.
“Was Lawrence pissed I didn’t come in again?” Her voice is coming from the back of the house somewhere, but it’s getting closer. “Was the drive…”
She finally rounds a corner and stops in her tracks when she sees me.
“What are you doing here?”
“I talked Regina into giving me the address.”
“But…why?”
Hesitantly, I take steps in her direction. She doesn’t move toward me, but at least she isn’t running the other way either. I stop when I get in front of her. She isn’t wearing any makeup and it looks like she’s been crying recently. I’m such a complete asshole.
“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”
Elle says nothing, she’s waiting for me to continue. “I was out of line the other night. You were trying to help, and I was…a total asshole to you.”
She half-heartedly smiles at me and nods her head. “It’s okay. I get it. You were upset. I shouldn’t have pushed.”
I should be happy at hearing her say she forgives me, but it’s what she’s not saying that gives me a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Will you give me a chance to make it up to you?” I reach out for her hand. She looks at my hand and then up to my eyes, but she doesn’t give me the hand I am reaching for like a lifeline as I begin to feel myself sink.
“I’m not mad at you, Nico. But I thought about some of the things you said. And you’re right. We’re just too different.”
My heartbeat pounds in my chest. I forgot that I had told her she was better off with someone more like her. Fucking William. That was her response. I want to break that stuffy asshole in two. I can’t even look at her. I need to get out with at least my dignity intact. At least she let me say my piece.