‘Come,’ he calls.
I open it and as I enter he looks up from some papers. There is slight frown on his face. ‘What is it?’ he asks impatiently.
I walk quickly to his desk and place my envelope down on his table.
He narrows his eyes. ‘What’s this?’
‘It’s my letter of resignation.’
His eyes pop open. For a second he actually looks panicked. ‘What?’ he erupts.
‘I … er … I’m leaving HMRC.’
He stares at me with a shocked expression while I fidget uncomfortably. I certainly never expected this reaction. I’ve always suspected he secretly doesn’t like me.
‘Why?’ he asks finally.
I look down at a spot on the blue carpet. ‘We’ve actually had this conversation before, you know, about the unfairness of taxation. All this time, I thought I was making things better, but it turns out I’m not. I’m just perpetuating a system that is intrinsically wrong.’
‘I see. So when did this change of heart come about?’
I shrug. I really don’t want to discuss Dom with him especially since he dislikes him so intensely. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say. ‘I just came in here today to give you my letter in person and thank you for everything you’ve taught me. I won’t be coming back after today. I’ve got some leave accrued to me and I’ll just use it up as part of my notice.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Ella. No matter where you go there will always be unfair practices. At least here you know that you’ll have a good pension scheme to take care of you.’
‘Look, Sir. It’s really kind of you to think of my future and everything, but I just can’t stay.’
‘But you’re one of our rising stars. You have a real talent,’ he says.
I look up, surprised by the compliment. I don’t think I’ve ever had one from him. ‘Thank you, Sir, for saying that. Er… it … um … means a lot to me, but my mind’s made up. I just can’t work here anymore.’
He frowns. ‘Where will you go?’
I shrug again. ‘I don’t know yet. I’ll probably find something temporary first and see how it goes.’
He holds my letter out to me. ‘I’m not going to accept your resignation. It seems to me you are acting on an impulse. You should take some time to think about this more clearly.’
I don’t take the letter from him. ‘No, I have thought about it carefully.’
‘You’re throwing away a really good career on a whim. I always saw you as one of the managers here.’
He did! Really? Who would have guessed by the horrible way he treated me?
‘It’s not a whim, Sir.’
‘Why don’t you have dinner with me tonight?’
My eyes widen with shock. Wow, Rob has always been so distant and cold with me that I can’t think of a more uncomfortable way to spend an evening. Besides I have absolutely nothing in common with him. I shake my head.
‘It’s not a date,’ he says dryly.
I flush bright red with embarrassment. See, why I can’t have dinner with a brute like him? ‘I know that, Sir. Of course, it’s not a date. I realize that you just want to try and talk me into staying, but really there’s just no point. I’ve made up my mind.’
He stands. ‘I think you’re making a mistake.’
I smile awkwardly. It never crossed my mind that he would try to stop me from leaving that he even considered me such a valuable member of his team. Having said that, I suppose I was pretty useful to him. I did all the legwork so he could go out there and achieve all his monthly quotas.
‘Why don’t you take the leave that you are owed to relax and reflect on your decision? And if for any reason you change your mind you can always come back.’
I shake my head and start backing away. ‘No, my mind’s made. Thank you, Sir, for everything.’
‘Wait, Ella.’
Holding the door open I turn around and find he is only a few feet away from me. ‘At least finish the bloody week,’ he says angrily. ‘You’re going to leave everybody in the shit leaving like this.’
I’ll be glad to see the back of him. I shake my head, and say resolutely, ‘Goodbye, Sir.’ Then I close the door, happy that I have made the right decision.
Three weeks later …
SIXTEEN
My mother always has her children driving over to her other childrens’ houses delivering homemade food. I’m sure she does it because she thinks it will mean we see more of each other. Maybe she’s right. I suppose I would see less of them without these errands she makes us all run for her. This week I have a box of Shane’s favorite—lemon cupcakes—sitting on the passenger seat of my car.
I turn off the engine, grab the cakes, and, locking the door, cross the courtyard toward his apartment. My brother is a funny guy. It’s easy to misunderstand him and think he’s a pushover or a shallow playboy, but that’s just a façade he employs since it’s so convenient and effective. The opposite is true.
He’s actually very deep. Deeper than me, anyway. Me, I’m a simple guy. Neanderthal simple. Especially when it comes to women. My woman is my woman and mine alone. Shane’s more complicated. He doesn’t go out there all guns blazing to keep his woman.
Like that time with Lily. It was Shane who was first interested in her, but he took her to a party at Jake’s house, and Jake and Lily immediately hooked up. I know that Jake and Lily are mad about each other and all that, but the ease with which Shane allowed Jake to take his woman shocked me. I mean, I don’t know what I would have done. I love my brother, but I might have had to punch him real hard. I know I definitely wouldn’t have behaved like it was nothing, like I was some sort of wuss.
It bothered me so much that I asked Shane how he could be so cool about something like that. He shrugged and said, ‘I can get a woman any time. Sometimes I open my kitchen drawer and one pops out. But I can never replace Jake. I’d give my life for him. He’s family.’
And suddenly I remembered being fourteen again. My father had just been killed, and Jake had taken his place, so he was never in the house. It seemed to me then that my whole family was falling apart, and for some weird reason I became furious with my mother, as it was her fault that my father had stolen money from a gangster and had his throat cut.
Rebelliously, I began to act out. I cut school and would never come home until late, and when I did come home I wouldn’t speak to anyone. I was rude and sullen. I stole alcohol from the supermarket and got drunk. And when I was drunk, all I wanted to do was fight. I fought with everybody in those days.
Shane had just turned ten, then. One night I came home late, nearly midnight. Layla was asleep, Jake was out, of course, and only my mother and Shane were home. I walked into the house and heard a strange crooning sound coming from the living room. So I stopped and tiptoed to the door, and what I saw changed me forever.
My mother’s head was in my brother’s lap. She was weeping quietly, and he was gently stroking her cheek and kind of singing to her in a strange, reedy voice.
‘Don’t you worry, Ma. Don’t you worry. Everything will work out perfectly. Jake and I’ll take care of you. Dom will come around. He always does. Don’t you worry, Ma. Don’t you worry.’
I didn’t show myself. I walked backwards out of the door. I went to an illegal, open-all-night pub and got totally smashed. I felt so ashamed. Shane had taken on the role that I should have. Jake was doing his bit, and I was slacking. No one had asked me to change my ways. Everybody was just waiting for me to come to my senses.
I woke up the next morning with an almighty hangover, and totally changed. I pulled my weight, and I’ve never forgotten the strength of character that Shane showed at the tender age of ten. I know it’s all still there. He’s playing the part of the devil-may-care playboy, but one day the real Shane will come through and reveal himself.