‘Tommy is sucking the cat’s tail,’ she announces in what can only be described as a passive-aggressive tone.
‘What the hell?’ I turn to look at Tommy, and indeed he’s sucking on its tail. I run to him, pick him up, and try to shoo the cat away, but it hisses at me and refuses to move. I drop Tommy onto the sofa. There’s a toy train on the table and I give it to him. He takes it with a squeal of delight. How much longer before Ella gets here? I really can’t handle this for many more minutes. I run my hands through my hair.
‘I’m bored,’ Liliana says.
I rub my hands together with fake enthusiasm. ‘So, what shall we do until Aunty Ella comes, huh?’
Liliana shrugs. ‘Shall we play hide and seek?’
‘Nope. Let’s not do that. How about we watch some TV?’
‘OK,’ she says agreeably.
‘Lee Jaw,’ Tommy says.
‘What?’
‘Little Lucien,’ Liliana translates.
I switch on the TV, find the video, and press play. Both kids settle on the floor. The doorbell goes. Oh! Thank God. I rush to open the door and by God Ella is a sight for sore eyes.
‘Hey, sexy,’ I say looking her up and down. To my horror, I see Tommy shoot out of the front door past my legs. Honestly, I’m way too shocked to do anything, but Ella catches him by the scruff of his T-shirt.
She smiles at me. ‘When they run away from you, they’re not really running away. They just want to be caught.’
‘Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.’
I pull her in and close the door. ‘Listen, Ella. Tommy ate a bit of cat food before I could get to him.’
To my relief she grins. ‘It won’t hurt him. Most things won’t. Kids are made to be as tough as old boots. To ensure the survival of the human race and all that.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. My brother took a dead cockroach from the mouth of a cat and ate it. My mother never recovered, but he was perfectly fine.’
I sigh with relief. ‘Christ was tested in the desert by Satan. I’ve been tested by my nephew.’
EIGHTEEN
I walk into the kitchen and catch Dom on his hands and knees wiping a wet sponge on the floor in circles, an action that is only serving to smear melted ice cream all over the floor. I stand there looking at him, at his endearing helplessness, and falling in love all over again. I don’t know how grating an undomesticated male can eventually become, but right now, it’s like watching puppies fall asleep on the lip of their food bowls. Cute, cute, cute.
He looks up, sees me, and sudden panic flares in his eyes.
‘Where’s Tommy?’ he asks urgently.
‘Relax. He’s inside his playpen with a bottle of milk.’
I hear him exhale with relief.
‘And Little Miss Perfect?’
I bite back a smile. ‘Watching a cartoon.’
‘Is it normal for a three-year-old kid to talk like her?’
‘She is a bit precocious, but kids nowadays are more advanced than we were.’
‘Right,’ he mutters.
I smile at him.
‘Thank you,’ he says.
I start walking toward him. ‘Need some help?’
‘Nah, I think I’ve nearly got it all,’ he says, looking down at the mess.
I go over to the cupboard under the sink, and, opening it, find some cloths and a bottle of floor cleaner. I find a bowl and fill it from the hot water tap. I squirt a little cleaner into the bowl and walk over to him. I take the sponge out of his hand and replace it with a wet cloth. I toss the sponge across the room into the sink and squat beside him. I wink and begin to clean the floor. He copies my actions exactly.
‘So you got the diaper on, huh?’ he asks casually.
‘Yeah.’ I dip the cloth into the bowl of warm water and rinse it.
‘Any problems?’
‘Nope.’
‘Hmmm … Good.’
There is silence for a few minutes.
‘What do you think they feed that kid?’ he asks.
I hide my amusement as I wring milky water out of the cloth. ‘I don’t know. Maybe dead cats.’
‘I never imagined a baby could stink like that,’ he says in an awed voice. He actually shudders.
I push the bowl over to him. ‘I’ll have to be sure not to fart in bed, then.’
He stops swirling the cloth in the water. ‘Let’s make a deal. Any time you eat a dead cat for dinner, and you think you’re gonna fart in bed, just let me know, and I’ll put a sick bowl by my side,’ he says very seriously.
I laugh so hard at the thought of him puking his guts into a bowl that I fall over backwards. He sits on his heels looking down at me. ‘Have I ever told you, Ella Savage, you are one delicious woman?’
‘Is it because I’m covered in ice cream?’ I giggle.
He bends down and kisses my nose. ‘Even before that. Well before that,’ he growls.
We’re interrupted by an incoherent scream of rage coming from the living room. Dom freezes.
‘Go on,’ I say. ‘I’ll finish up here and join you.’
‘No, you go. I’ll finish up here and join you.’
I try not to chuckle. ‘Are you afraid of them, Dominic Eden?’
‘Terrified,’ he says.
I kiss his nose and go into the living room. Tommy is upset because Liliana has changed the channel.
‘Right,’ I say. ‘No more TV. How about we read a book?’
Both are happy with that, so I take Tommy out of the playpen, and together we choose a book and cuddle up on the sofa to read it. By the time Dom comes in, both kids are leaning on either side of me and we are more than halfway through the book.
He stops at the entrance and watches for a minute before he comes in and sits down with us. After reading the book, we play with the kids.
It’s a game where Dom has to say, ‘Fe fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a half-gypsy girl and the blood of a full-gypsy boy.’
Total panic ensues, with Dom taking on the persona of a zombie-like creature and chasing the kids, and them dodging his flailing arms while they squeal, scream, and laugh hysterically. As soon as their parents arrive, Liliana dashes to the door and lunges at her father.
‘Tommy broke a bowl, Daddy,’ Liliana says, as soon as she is high up in her father’s arms.
‘I smell ice cream,’ her father says with a straight face.
She covers her mouth. ‘Tommy ate ice cream.’
‘And you didn’t?’
She shakes her head vigorously.
Jake looks at me. ‘My daughter is such a liar.’
‘You can say that again,’ Dom mutters.
‘Why does my son smell of cat food, Uncle Dom?’ Layla asks.
Dom coughs.
‘Because Uncle Dom let Tommy eat cat food,’ Liliana says.
‘How much?’ Layla wonders.
‘Maybe one mouthful,’ Dom admits sheepishly.
Layla grins. ‘Actually, I think you coped brilliantly. Much better than I thought. What are you doing next Sunday?’
Dom actually takes a backward step, and everybody laughs. Even BJ joins in at the terror on Dom’s face.
After they’ve gone, Dom closes the door and turns to me. ‘Do you want to have sex in my brother’s flat?’
‘No, I don’t. But you can take me to dinner and then have sex with me at my place. You won’t believe what I’m wearing underneath these boring old clothes.’
His eyes brighten. ‘What are you wearing?’
‘It’s a surprise.’
‘Let’s go,’ he says, and bundles me quickly out of the apartment.