It was then that I realized I was angry with the man and not in a generous mood, because, without thinking, I said, “You’re sober enough now to be scared.”
Howard froze. He didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t imagine what I would have said had I been him.
“You drink like that all the time or was that just your party face?”
“John, Pamela and I—”
“Pamela and you what?”
“Pamela’s young.”
“And what’s your excuse?”
“John, I—”
I stopped him. “Why is she here? Did you think David was going to want to meet her? What was that all about?” He tried to speak again. “Listen,” I said, “I don’t want to hear it right now. Maybe never, I don’t know. I want your son to be well. I want him to see you sitting by that bed when he opens his eyes and I don’t want Pamela in this room.”
“You’re being a little harsh,” he said.
“A little harsh?” I asked. “I must be tired or you must be misreading me because I mean to be very harsh. I’m going to get some rest.” With that I turned away from him and went into the kitchen.
Pamela was stirring her soup at the stove. Gus was just pouring the hot water into the mugs. Pamela was thankfully covered in a sweater.
“You’re up,” she said.
“Yes.” I looked at her and she could see the fight still in my eyes and she shrank away slightly. “Pamela, you seem like a nice person. I don’t have anything against you and I don’t know much about you. But I’d like you to somehow find a way to leave this ranch, with or without Howard as soon as you can.”
I don’t know what I expected, but her reaction must have fallen within the range of my expectations, because I was not surprised when she ran out of the room, holding her face in her hands, weeping.
The coyote came to me and jumped up against my leg. I gave her head a pat and looked at the stump of her leg.
“You want milk?” Gus asked.
“No, thanks.”
“Morgan’s out checking on the horses.”
“That’s good.”
Morgan stepped into the shower with me. I wanted to grab her and kiss her, but I was too wiped out. She rubbed my shoulders and then began to lather up my head with shampoo.
“That feels good,” I said.
“I love your hair,” she said.
“What’s left of it,” I said.
“You’re crazy. You’ve got nothing but hair up here.”
“Very funny.”
“Gus told me what you said to Pamela.”
“I feel a little bad about that,” I said. I put my face to the spray to rinse my eyes of shampoo. “I suppose I was venting.”
“I suppose.”
“Is she still crying?”
“Probably. I don’t know. I believe that Howard is getting ready to leave with her.”
I nodded. It was not an unexpected turn. What else could he do? He was planning to marry the woman so he couldn’t very well send her alone on her way. Still, I was hoping he’d stay around for David.
“You’ve been in here long enough,” Morgan said. “Time to get out, eat something, and go to bed.”
“Yes, doctor.”
“First, I’m going down to talk to Howard.”
“First, you’re going to let me dry your body and get you dressed.”
“If you insist.”
The hot shower had cooled me off somewhat. I felt bad for what I’d said to Howard and Pamela, but still I thought it would be better if they left. I made my way downstairs and into the den where they were slowly packing.
“Howard, Pamela,” I said. I considered apologizing.
Pamela said nothing, but she tugged at the bottom of her shirt that barely covered her navel. She stuffed a sweater into her bag.
“We’ll be gone soon,” Howard said, coolly.
“I’m sorry things worked out this way,” I said.
“It’s not your fault,” Howard said. “It’s certainly not your fault.”
“Pamela, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” My words might have been sincere, but they weren’t true.
“Do you want your scarf in the bag or out?” she asked Howard.
“Out,” he said.
I backed away, imagining that Howard’s request was not merely a response to Pamela, but a command to me. I looked down the hall at David’s door. I walked to it, waited a few seconds, then walked in. David was asleep but awoke as I stood there. I moved to the foot of his bed.
“Warm enough?” I asked.
“Too warm,” he said.
I reached down and picked up the control for the electric blanket. It was set on ten. “Maybe Gus was planning to serve you for dinner. I think I can just turn this off now.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“You bet. How are you feeling?”
“My toes still hurt,” he said. “But not as much. I believe that’s supposed to be a good sign. Gus told me that. Gus told me everything. I’m sorry.”
I just looked at him, not sure what he was talking about. “Sorry?”
“Sorry for running out like a stupid child and causing everybody to worry.” He closed his eyes for a second. “Sorry I made you come out there and have to save me. I feel like such a jerk.”
“Hey, you would have come out after me,” I said. “You were upset. That’s understandable. And apparently, you shouldn’t drink.”
“I knew that before.”
“Your father’s packing to leave,” I told him.
“Good.”
“Well, you get some more rest. I’m going to do the same thing.”
In the kitchen, the puppy was bouncing around, roughhousing with Zoe. The little girl growled, leaned back, and lurched forward. I looked over at Gus and Morgan sitting at the table.
“Somebody please turn the puppy over,” I said.
“She’s only playing,” Morgan said.
“Gus, flip her over.”
Gus got up, walked to the coyote, kneeled down and flipped her onto her back. Emily kicked, twisted and tried to reach over his hand to bite him.
“Hold her until she doesn’t squirm,” I said.
He did. The coyote surrendered, became soft under Gus’s hand and he slowly let her up.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Are you all right?” Morgan asked, a kind of accusation.
I closed my eyes briefly, then opened them. “I’m fine. I’m sorry, you two. I’m just tired and worried about everything too much.”
“No, you were right about Emily,” Gus said. “I’ve been lazy about the training. I need to turn her over more and take her food away like you told me.”
“Gus, you’re doing fine. Really.”
Morgan asked me if I wanted tea.
“Is there any coffee?”
“I’ll make some,” Gus said. He opened the cupboard and took down the coffee beans.
“I just looked in on David. He was awake. He appears to be in pretty good shape.”
Morgan nodded and sipped her tea. “Did you tell him that his father is leaving?” she asked.
“I did. The news didn’t seem to bother him too much. I guess that’s a good thing. Where is Howard?”
“Having a drink?” Gus said, sarcastically.
“No, actually, he’s preparing to leave,” Howard said from the doorway.
Gus turned to the counter and ran the grinder for several seconds, then a couple more seconds.
“I’m sorry all this happened,” I said. It was an expression of dismay and not an apology.
“Yeah, me, too,” Howard said, softly. Neither was he apologizing. He had settled into anger; his jaw was fixed. He tossed a glance back to Pamela who hovered at his shoulder.
“Have a good trip,” Gus said. “The roads can be slippery.”
“It was nice meeting you,” Morgan said, seeming to suck the statement back in once it was out.
Howard didn’t say anything. What could he say? I followed them to the front door where they had already placed their bags. I reached out to shake Howard’s hand and he reluctantly took it.