She had little regard for her own safety, because it mattered so little to her in that moment. When she dived down under the water she thought briefly that she had got hold of Klanasta, until her fingers locked on something harder. The claw twisted in her hand and grabbed her in turn.
The Deacon thrashed wildly for the surface, but more of those nightmarish things closed around her, jerking her down. Caoirse kicked out hard, gasping in a mouthful of dirty, bloody water.
Whatever these things might be, they were strong. Their pincers and legs formed a cage around her, and carried her below the water, down into unseen depths.
Her last desperate thought was outrage that she hadn’t seen them coming.
TWO
Life of a Moth
If there was any worse thing in the world than being conscious and unable to communicate Sorcha Faris did not know of it. She lay on her back, propped up on pillows, staring at the ceiling of the Mother Abbey’s infirmary and counted the dancing moths by her bedside. It was the only thing she had to keep madness at bay.
She could feel Kolya’s hand on her wrist, but she could not pull it away as she wanted to. Her oh-so-nearly-former husband only ventured in to sit with her when Merrick was out of the room. At first he had spoken falteringly of his sadness, his regrets. He had been wrong. He should have let her in, should have trusted her.
It’s too late for that, had been her unspoken, unheard reply.
Yet despite herself she started to listen. Sorcha knew she had not been the best of wives. It was easy to admit that in the quiet of the infirmary, with nothing to do but think.
But Kolya, he was not without fault—even now. She could feel him trying to renew their withered Bond, the magical connection between an Active and a Sensitive Deacon. Sorcha shared an exceptionally strong one with her younger partner Merrick Chambers. What Kolya was trying to do was immoral and highly illegal within the strictures of the Order of the Fist and the Eye, and she suspected that he was acting under Arch Abbot Rictun’s command. Not that she, lying mute and incapacitated, was capable of telling anyone. Even with Merrick, she could not manage to send words along the Bond as she once could. He could feel her emotions and that was it, and it was hard to reveal Kolya’s duplicity with just those. She had probably given Merrick more than his fair share of headaches by trying. Sorcha might have felt sorry for that—but trying was all she had left.
If she cared to strain her eyes to the left she would be able to make out Kolya’s head bent over her hand, pressing his forehead against it. She could feel the low tug on the remains of her Bond with him, like an unpleasant tickle that she could not scratch. Deacon Kolya Petav was wearing away her strength. Sorcha resisted as best she could. She bent her will to keeping the Bond with Merrick alive, and burying the one she had once shared with Kolya.
She’d fought and defeated the geistlord Hatipai, but she’d overstepped her bounds as a Deacon. Now, this was her life—and what a miserable life it was.
By the Bones, Kolya, don’t bother. I’m not worth it…
“Deacon Petav?” If Sorcha had believed in gods at that moment she might have let out a shout of exaltation. The curly, dark head of her current partner appeared around the door frame. “To what do we owe this unexpected visit?” Ever the diplomat, he didn’t let out a curse as she might have done in the same position. Still, his tone was accusatory. On the inside Sorcha cheered. It was delightful to see the young Deacon taking the situation firmly in hand. Watching from her bed, Sorcha realized her partner had grown up.
Kolya, as always keeping his demeanor cool, stroked the back of Sorcha’s hand. “I am still her husband, Deacon Chambers.”
It’s not about that is it, Kolya?
Merrick stepped through the door and carefully placed a tray down on the table. From this angle Sorcha couldn’t see what was on it. In the good old days, two months before, she would have hoped for a cigar or a spot of hard liquor—now such bodily pleasures were beyond her. Instead, she settled for watching the two men spar over her prone body.
Her real partner took his place on the other side of her, and his voice was calm but sharp. “Only because she was not capable of standing at the final reading of the dissolution. It was merely a formality that Sorcha could not unfortunately attend.”
“Still formalities are formalities,” Kolya said, and it was the first time that Sorcha had ever heard real steel in his tone. She knew him well after years of marriage, and Kolya could be stubborn—beyond stubborn in fact.
Straining her eyes, Sorcha could make out Merrick’s tight expression, and observed him swallow hard. Without the complete Bond, she had to hang on every little nuance and expression. Funny how she had once been so annoyed by the leaking of words and thoughts between them—and now she missed them terribly.
“Brother Salay said we must leave her to sleep, and I believe Presbyter Mournling is leading a discussion this evening on the latest findings on geistlords.” The Sensitives faced each other from opposite sides of the bed, and even Sorcha, trapped in her body, could feel the tension. If they had been Actives it would have already devolved into a brawl, but Sensitive Deacons were different creatures altogether. In point of fact, Sorcha had no idea how they settled arguments.
Kolya was the first to break. “I’ve been looking forward to that discussion.” He turned, caught himself, and swung around to plant a brisk kiss on Sorcha’s cheek. “I will see you later.”
Don’t come back. Just let it go. She concentrated on moving her arm, just a little bit—just enough for a small gesture. Yet there was nothing.
Then she and Merrick were alone, and she turned her attention to the Bond; funneling all of her frustration into it. Merrick took a step back, and pressed his fingertips to his forehead. “I know, Sorcha. I know—but there is little I can do. I can’t keep him out of here since his status as your partner and your husband has not been tidied up.”
Sorcha immediately felt guilty. For the last two months she had leaned heavily on their Bond. By dumping all her feelings to her partner, she had managed to hang on by her fingernails to her mind, however in the process she had strained the young man to that very same point.
I just want to get better. A wave of despair washed over her, and when it drew back she was not the powerful, stern Deacon—she was just a woman trapped in her body and terrified that it was going to be that way forever. If so, just kill me now Merrick!
He couldn’t hear that plea, but he could feel the emotion it rode on. Merrick sat on the bed next to her and took her hand in his. “It’ll be all right. Think how much better you are than when we brought you back from Orinthal. You really are healing! Brother Salay says your muscles are responding to the exercises they put you through.” His brown eyes sparkled dangerously with something close to tears. “Please, don’t give up, Sorcha.”
Sorcha wasn’t embarrassed when one of her own leaked out and ran down her cheek. Merrick wiped it clear and smiled. “I won’t tell a soul about that. Now I want to hear what Presbyter Mournling has to say as well. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He was lying to her—that much she could tell from the Bond. However she would not deny him his secrets.
Her partner got up and snuffed out the wicks on all but two lamps in the room. The sound of him closing the door behind him was bleak indeed. The moths were altering their dance accordingly, with the change in light, but these new patterns held no magic for Sorcha. She was alone. The small hours of the night were quite the worst.