Don’t get me wrong. I loved the guys—they were like my brothers—but I hated moments like these ones where I couldn’t even approach a girl and talk to her without being judged for what I was instead of who I was.
Estella shot away from me, clutching her bag to her side. “Stay away from me. Don’t you come any closer or I’ll—”
“Or you’ll do what?” I challenged her.
She went silent as fear shot across her face. Her whiskey-colored eyes regarded me with apprehension, waiting to see what I would do next.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I stared off to the right. “Look, have I hurt you yet? I’m just another member of the public occupying a little bit of the pavement.”
Looking back at Estella, I saw that she’d straightened up and was eyeing me in disbelief. “You’re joking, right? You’re not just another member of the public—you’re a member of the Madden gang.”
“Thanks for stating the obvious, Stelle.” I wasn’t sure why I kept calling her Stelle, but it suited her. “Anything else you wanna add that I already know?”
Her nostrils flared and something in those eyes sparked like a lit fuse. “That you’re a delinquent and you go around doing drugs and killing people.”
Her comment got me all riled up, and I backed her up against the wall. Standing this close to her, I could smell the sweet scent that drifted around her mixed. That smell, and the burning look in her eyes were doing strange things to my head.
“You’re a damn firecracker, aren’t you?” I tilted my head to the side, just watching her watch me.
She held her tongue, but there was defiance in her eyes that excited me. The girls I hung out with weren’t like this. They’d never dare challenge me knowing who I was. They talked when I wanted them to, spread their legs for me when I wanted them to, and left me alone when I was sick of them throwing themselves at me. In this town when you had power, it attracted girls to you like you were some kind of fucking God.
Even though Estella was scared of me, she wasn’t afraid to face me with some bravado—as false as it was—and I liked that. Besides, the girl was fucking gorgeous. Her hair was long, honey-brown, with a messy effect that made me think she’d just gotten out of bed—and boy, was it a turn on to associate her with a bed. Her amber eyes made me feel like I’d just taken a shot of whiskey.
Even the way she dressed intrigued me. The baggy jeans and plain sweater hid her tall and willowy figure, but I imagined she had an amazing body beneath the loose clothing. It was completely different to the way the girls I hung around with dressed like. They let their tits and ass hang out in their skimpy and low-cut clothing. Estella’s easy going style was a nice change from what I was used to.
“Let me tell you something, darlin’.” I took a measured step away from her to escape her scent that was doing funny things to me. “Next time you run into a Madden, hold that feisty tongue of yours. The boys will do a lot worse to you than give you a jacket.”
Deep red splotches appeared on her cheeks, and she tossed her long, wavy hair behind her shoulder. “Don’t threaten me. I work at the community center; I’m around people from bad backgrounds all the time. You chose your life. You wanted to be this way. You’re an idiot and idiots don’t scare me.”
Despite my better judgment, I took a step towards her again and grinned. “Nice bluff, Stelle, but I can see the fear in your eyes.” I placed a hand on her chest, and she quickly pressed her back against the wall. “I can feel your heart racing. I can see how scared of me you are. Fear is a weakness and it’s your fear that gives me power over you, so let it go.”
For a moment I thought I’d freaked out her out into silence, but her lips tightened as she stared at me straight on. Her gaze was almost blank and instead of feeling like I’d made my point, I suddenly felt unsettled.
“Fear isn’t a weakness; it’s what makes us human.”
When I’d come out here tonight after finishing up a bike late at the garage, I’d never in a million years expected this. I’d never expected to run into a girl who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, despite being scared of me.
We didn’t break eye contact—I couldn’t. It was like this girl had reached into my mind and taken ahold of a part of me that I was still trying to figure out. No one had ever done that before.
The sound of an approaching car made us glance towards the street. A red Civic was slowly driving down the road, and from the way Estella stiffened, I could tell this was her brother.
“I guess your ride’s here.” The sound of my voice seemed to rouse her and she turned back to me with wide eyes. “I’ll see you around, Stelle.”
Her eyes never left me as I stepped back into the shadows. When the Civic pulled up, she hurried towards it but paused once she opened up the door. She briefly glanced back and sought me out in the darkness, but I knew she couldn’t really see me.
Still, it felt like a current had shot through my entire body, leaving me momentarily stunned, as I watched her search for me. Finally, she gave up and got into the car.
My eyes followed the beat-up car as it drove past and disappeared down the road. Letting out a long breath, I pulled another cigarette out and lit it up.
As I inhaled the smoke, it settled amongst my throat and lungs, calming me. My heart rate went back to normal as I leaned back against the wall, trying to forget about Estella’s whiskey eyes.
She was something else, that Estella. She was something I wasn’t used to; something I’d never experienced before.
It was like my life was on this set path already determined by my brothers, and all of a sudden Estella had run me off the road into a ditch. That’s how I felt right now. That’s what the effects of being close to her did to me. Now, I had to claw my way back into the real world and return to my life.
Feeling pissed at myself for letting a girl affect me like that, I started to head back to the garage that I ran with my brothers. My bike was back there and I had a fight to get to.
“Who was that?”
The voice came out of nowhere, but it was as familiar to me as my own. My brother, Tyson ambled towards me. He was twenty-two, only two years older than me, but sometimes I felt like he was the younger one. He was so reckless, so stupid, and took orders from our eldest brother, Ryder, without question.
Sure, I listened to Ryder too, but lately I’d been starting to wonder if Ryder was really making the best choices for us. Just because he was my big brother didn’t mean he was always right.
I tried to look unconcerned as I took another puff of my cigarette and looked at Tyson squarely. He was a lot leaner than I was but, man, was he was fast. During fights he’d be running circles around the other guy.
“Just some hooker,” I lied. “Told her no, so she found some other guy.”
Tyson leaned forward eagerly, rubbing his hands together. “How much was she asking for?”
Fuck. Of all the stories I could’ve made up, I had to pick the only one my brother would actually care about.
“Two hundred bucks.”
“Fuck off! I could get the works for one-fifty.” Tyson looked outraged as I handed him my cigarette and he took a long puff from it. “Besides, she wasn’t even dressed decent. Amateur.”
“Yeah, I think she was.” I swallowed, a bitter feeling in my mouth.
There was a part of me that wanted to protect Estella. She was so innocent, so naïve, and I didn’t want her drawing unnecessary attention to herself. Don’t ask me why I cared so much. I had no fucking clue.
Tyson looked excited as he lightly punched me on the arm, bouncing from side to side. “You ready for the fight tonight, little bro? Gonna win us some big bucks?”
I shrugged, watching Tyson flick the cigarette onto the ground and pull out his phone. “Did they give a time and place?”