His words sent a shock through my entire system, and I gasped at the way each word cut into me. The look in his eyes was enough to make my blood run cold, but it was the fact that he’d said I meant nothing to him that affected me the most.
It was impossible to believe that in just an hour, Vincent had completely transformed from the man who had swept me off my feet into someone who didn’t want me in their life. The way his eyes had fixed onto me in his kitchen, as though I was his only desire in this world, seemed to be a faraway dream. Had I imagined the entire thing? Was I losing my mind?
“Y-you don’t mean that.” I hated how weak my voice sounded, but I had to make sure. There had to be a part of Vincent that cared about me. I didn’t know why it was so important to me that this boy feel something for me, but as stupid as it was, a part of me needed to hear that he did care.
For a moment, I thought I saw something shift in Vincent’s eyes, but maybe I imagined that too, because a second later, his eyes were hard again. “Desperation doesn’t suit you,” he said, his lips twisting cruelly.
A gasp wracked through me, and I dropped the helmet onto the ground and stumbled backwards, my mind a mess of emotions. I hated myself for feeling like this; I didn’t want to be affected by Vincent. I had tried to convince myself that I didn’t care about him, but obviously I’d lied to myself.
But I couldn’t let that show. I couldn’t let him see that he had gotten to me. I had to be as cold as he was.
“The only desperate one is you. Otherwise you wouldn’t let those sluts into your bed.” My voice was flat, clear of all emotion, and I was proud that I could be as uncaring and ruthless as he was.
Before my façade slipped and I broke down, I turned and headed towards my house, misery descending upon me like a cloud.
There were feelings inside me for Vincent—I wasn’t sure exactly what those feelings were—yet he felt nothing for me. The reality of that was like a knife slicing through my chest, and I stumbled blindly up the steps to my front door.
I didn’t look back. I refused to give Vincent the satisfaction of seeing that he’d gotten to me. I refused to give Vincent anything.
He would not break me. He could not break me. I was beyond broken—I was dead.
I was really surprised when I got a call from Dylan on Thursday afternoon.
“Estella?” he asked, sounding uncertain when I answered the phone.
“Yes? Dylan?” He had never called me before, so I began to worry that something bad had happened. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” he assured me quickly, then paused. “Um, Vincent told me to tell you that he can’t pick you up on Friday, so I’m just supposed to meet you at the library to study there.”
I barely flinched as Dylan’s words sunk in. It was obvious that this was just an excuse for Vincent to put distance between us. A part of me had been prepared for this after our fight on Tuesday night.
“How are you getting to the library?” I asked.
“Three’s coming with me.”
A smile formed on my mouth. As prejudiced as I had originally been against the Madden gang, I had to admit that I did like Three. He didn’t seem to take all this gang nonsense as seriously as some of the other members, and he was actually a very good-natured guy, with this ability to make me laugh easily.
“That’s fine,” I said, “I’ll see you at 4 o’clock.”
Once I hung up, I dialed Hadie’s number. The phone rang for a while before Hadie picked up just as I was considering hanging up.
“Hey, Hadie!” I said in my brightest tone.
Yes, I sounded like a complete and utter nut job. My over-cheerful demeanor had less to do with trying to make Hadie feel better and more to do with me trying to act as though Vincent’s apathy didn’t affect me. Which was weird when you thought about it. I was trying not to care about someone who didn’t care about me, even though I did care.
“Hi, Estee.”
My stupid selfishness faded at the sound of Hadie’s voice. My best friend was no longer the same person anymore and all I could think about was a guy. When had I become so shallow?
“I was wondering if you wanted to have a girls’ night at your house. Just you and me. I’ve missed you.” As much as I loved Mariah, I knew Hadie would have an easier time talking to me without Ray being there.
It’d been nearly a month since Hadie had lost her boyfriend and she had yet to speak about it to anyone. If Eddie was right about Hadie withdrawing, I had to try and get her to open up somehow.
“Yeah, I guess that would be okay.” There was reluctance in her tone, but I knew she didn’t want to let me down. “I don’t know if I’ll be great company though.”
“It’s okay, I’ll be great company enough for the both of us,” I said with a smile that wasn’t forced. “I have a tutoring session tomorrow, but I’ll get Anna to drop me off at your house afterwards.”
“Don’t worry about it. I can take you. Penthill, right?”
“Yes, at the library. Then we could go straight to your house when I’m done.”
“Sounds good. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Once we’d hung up, I headed into the kitchen to make chicken stew to take for Dylan tomorrow. Just because Vincent didn’t want me at his house didn’t mean that I would stop taking care of Dylan.
“You know, if things don’t work out between you and Vincent, I’m more than happy to step in,” Three said, his voice very close to my ear as Hadie and I browsed the classics section of the library.
We’d left Dylan alone in the last ten minutes of our tutoring session so he could finish up some English homework, and Three had followed us along with his ridiculous chatter.
With a roll of my eyes, I replaced the copy of The Scarlett Letter back on the shelf, trying to prevent the smile from creeping onto my face. It never bothered me what Three said because I knew most things that came out of his mouth were a joke; he was never serious when he made comments like that.
“I plan on marrying a handsome, intelligent doctor. You’re just not going to cut it for me, Three.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Hadie looking at me, and we both grinned at each other. At least Three and I were keeping her mood up.
Three staggered against the bookshelf, clutching his heart. “How can you say such cruel things to me, dearest Estella? My love for you is like a big, giant, bowl of swirling hormones that I can’t control.”
Hadie snorted, and Three placed an arm around my shoulders, his blue eyes twinkling. “I have to keep you and your hormones in line somehow,” I said, pushing him off me. “I don’t want any unnecessary suitors.”
“I can buy a suit if you want me to,” Three said, flashing me a cute grin.
Hadie burst into laughter as I tried to get my own laughter under control. “I don’t think a suit will help you. You’re kind of a lost cause.”
We started walking down the aisle and back towards where Dylan was sitting. It was about time we started heading home.
Three’s face fell with rejection, which I knew was all an act. “I never had a chance anyway, not with Vincent declaring you off limits.”
My steps faltered, and I scrutinized him, checking his face for any signs of him joking. Three evenly matched my stare. “I don’t know what you mean by Vincent declaring me off limits. There’s nothing going on between us and there never will be. I don’t mean anything to him.”
Three caught my arm, surprise spilling onto his face. “Why would you think that?”
“No reason.” Heat crept along my neck like a caterpillar. There was no way I was going to admit to him that the words had come straight out of Vincent’s mouth. I was already humiliated by the entire situation. “So I don’t understand why he would declare anything about me.”