When I didn’t say anything, Three kept on talking. “She’s something else though, and man can she cook.”
I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me to admit how I felt about Estella, but that wasn’t going to happen. I would never admit it to him, to anyone, that she’d been on my mind all day. I’d never admit that it’d killed me not seeing her today, but I’d decided that in order to stop thinking about her, I’d have to stop seeing her, too.
I’d never forget the look on her face when I’d called her desperate. It’d completely torn me apart. I didn’t want to care about her; I was trying to avoid her as much as I could, but for some reason I did care.
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t give her up.
But I had to try. For my fucking sanity, I had to try.
“I don’t give a shit if she can cook.” I stood up and drained the rest of my beer. Then I walked over to the bunch of girls who were crowding around Ryder. None of these girls was her; they would never be good enough, but one of them would have to do.
If I didn’t get her out of my system, she was going to drive me insane.
The girl closest to me had a really nice ass and I grabbed it. She let out a squeal and turned around, her face lighting up when she caught sight of me.
“Vincent! You’re so bad.” Her tone was flirtatious as she tilted her head to the side, looking at me like she couldn’t wait to rip my clothes off.
I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her towards me, not caring who saw us. “Do you wanna see how bad I can really be?”
From the way her lips curved up into a smile, I knew she wanted me. Her eyes weren’t the right color, her hair was too short, and she was curvy, but she would do for tonight.
Tonight I needed to forget about a girl. I needed to forget about a girl who had the power to bring me to my knees and destroy me.
Chapter Nineteen
Estella
On Monday night, I found myself finishing up early and heading outside twenty minutes before Savannah was due to pick me up.
I was glad we’d finished up early tonight because my head hadn’t been focused on my work at all; it’d been somewhere else, distracting me from doing my job. Being around people tonight had suffocated my thoughts, and I’d rushed to finish so I could escape into the cold November night.
I’d just have to brave the next twenty minutes until Savannah got here, but I didn’t mind so much. The freezing air against my face was sobering, and despite my best efforts to stay warm, a chill seeped into my skin.
My mind drifted to thoughts of the Maddens, even though I was desperately trying not to think about them. I was supposed to have a tutoring session with Dylan tomorrow, and I wasn’t sure what the arrangements were. I’d kind of expected Dylan to call like he had on Thursday, but so far I’d heard nothing.
Was I still banned from their house? Were we going to meet at the library like last time? Was I even still Dylan’s tutor?
I honestly had no idea what the circumstances were anymore, but I felt obligated to find out. I really didn’t want to call Vincent and ask, just in case he thought I was desperate, but I had to do it for Dylan. Someone had to be the mature one here and that had to be me. This was my job after all and I depended on that money.
But it wasn’t just about the money. Dylan had a place in my heart and I couldn’t stand to disappoint him. Maybe Vincent didn’t mind disappointing his brother, but I did.
Reluctantly, I dialed Vincent’s number and waited for him to answer. The phone rang for a long time, and I wondered if Vincent had seen my number and didn’t want to answer.
Then the line connected. “Yeah?”
The sound of his voice started up a thrumming in my chest that travelled through my entire body. It was hard not to be affected by Vincent. I had let him in and now I couldn’t push him out.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to get my emotions under control. I couldn’t care about a guy who was so cold towards me. I had to match his attitude; that was the only way to survive in his world.
“I’m calling to ask about my tutoring lesson with Dylan tomorrow.” I was proud of how detached I sounded, but then I frowned. What was happening to me? I was trying to be something I wasn’t because of a guy. That wasn’t right either.
“What about it?” he snapped.
Sighing, I leaned against the wall in defeat. My resolve to be cold had lasted a few seconds at best. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t uncaring like him. Caring about everyone else was who I was. I wasn’t going to change myself just so I could compete with Vincent in a stupid game about who was most uncaring.
No. I wouldn’t put myself through that.
The sound of approaching footsteps made me straighten up and survey the dark street. This night reminded me of the night I’d first met Vincent in the same exact place. A part of me was hoping that the footsteps belonged to him, but that was just me being foolish.
“Well, it’s just that tomorrow is Tuesday and I hadn’t heard from…” I trailed off as a figure appeared out of the darkness.
Gripping my bag tighter, I held my breath as the figure approached me. One thing I knew for sure; it wasn’t Vincent. This man was shorter with lighter hair, and he definitely didn’t have the same effect on me that Vincent did.
I looked pointedly in the other direction, hoping he’d ignore me and continue walking, but when he didn’t pass me by, I turned back to find him standing right beside me. There was a look on his face like he’d just won a prize, and fear settled into me, squeezing my heart so tight that I felt like I was going to choke.
“C-can I help you?” I asked, hoping he just needed directions or the time.
“Maybe,” he said, with an unpleasant sneer on his face. “It depends on whether or not you were the girl with Vincent last week.”
This was about Vincent? What the heck was going on?
“I…uh.” There were alarms ringing in my head, warning me not to give away any information. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me.” The guy suddenly pulled out a knife and pressed it against my throat. The cold metal sliced into my skin, and pain and fear raced through me.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to push him away, but fear had immobilized me. My hand went limp, and the phone slipped from my fingers and fell onto the ground.
“You’re the girl I saw with him last week. You were standing right here and he was holding your hand.”
My mind went blank and I forgot how to speak. Panic was strangling me as my insides screamed for help. But there was no one to help me. I was all alone.
My eyes were fixed firmly on the knife that he held in front of me. Yes, I was terrified beyond words, but I also didn’t want to let him win. I was tired of men treating me however they liked and getting me to do what they wanted through intimidation.
It didn’t matter that he held a knife to my throat; I was already dead inside. I had been dead for a long time now. What I refused to give up was my dignity. This man was not going to get the better of me. He would not win.
Instead of shrinking away, I straightened up and fixed him with a look of defiance that made him stare at me in surprise and then burst into laughter.
“Well, I can see why he likes you.” He flicked a strand of hair out of my face. “You’re easy on the eyes and you’ve got balls. More balls than those Maddens got. See, there’s one thing I know about Vincent Madden; he doesn’t hold hands with girls. So what I wanna know is what makes you so different?”
When he got no answer, he stuck the knife back in his pocket and grabbed me by the shoulders. His blue eyes had taken on a sinister glint. “Okay, I get it. You’re upset with me. I’m sorry I got angry and lost control. It’s just I get angry when people lie to me. Let me start again; I’m Conor and I’m in the Allbrook gang. Now, the thing is, Vincent’s busted up a lot of our guys and we’re losing money. Troy doesn’t like it when we lose money.”