“Yes, but you being in this gang, you fighting, those are things that aren’t right. You can’t use violence and intimidation to solve all your problems.”
I squeezed her hand. “I’m leaving all that behind, Stelle. I’m giving all that up for you, for Dylan. I want us to have a life together because there is no way I could picture you not being in my life. I want you, all of you, and I’m giving it all up for you.”
“What about the fight that’s coming up?”
“I told Ryder I wasn’t going to do it. I told him I quit.”
Estella’s expression completely changed and her mouth fell open as she pulled her hand free from my grasp. She stood up from her seat and shook her head, backing away from me slowly at the same time.
Suddenly it felt like a crushing weight had descended into my chest at the look in her eyes. I’d been sure Estella felt the same way about me, but now I wasn’t even sure.
“Vincent, I don’t know how to do this with you.”
Her words cut into me like broken glass. I struggled to piece together what she was saying, but none of this was making much sense to me. As different as we were, we were right for each other. We didn’t make sense on paper, but we made sense on some other level. It was a level that only we could understand. So why was she pushing me away?
“You don’t realize someone was missing from your life until the moment they enter it. You were missing, Estella. Something brought us together, and I’m not going to let go. Push me away if you want. Deny that there’s anything between us. But listen to what I’m saying; I refuse to let you go. You can’t make me let go because you’re the only thing left for me to hold onto.”
Estella’s bottom lip quivered and I’d never seen her look so sad before.
“I’m a shell Vincent—empty, lifeless, dead. There’s nothing left inside of me to love.”
Estella
Vincent seized me by the shoulders, pulling me close to him so that I was faced with his dark eyes that seemed to be burning into me with each second that passed.
“Yes, there is, Estella. There’s a lot left inside of you to love. I see it in the way you put others before yourself. I see it in the way you take care of everyone. I see it in the way you look at me.” Vincent placed a hand on the center of my chest. “There is so much inside of you for me to love, but you have to love yourself first. You have to believe that you’re worth it, the way I know you are.”
His words were reassuring, but a part of me didn’t know what to believe.
“Don’t you understand? I’m dead. I died two-and-a-half years ago. I had to die so I wouldn’t keep reliving what he was doing to me. I didn’t want to stay alive anymore, so I killed a part of myself.”
Vincent took my hands in his, brushing his lips against my skin in a soft kiss. “Then let me bring you back to life.”
His words had me shaking all over. I didn’t want to feel this way, yet at the same time I did. I loved the way he made me feel. Everything was so confusing. Why couldn’t I just give into my feelings?
Without really thinking about what I was doing, I started to turn away.
“Don’t go, Stelle.”
If Vincent’s voice wasn’t enough to glue me to one spot, those eyes definitely were. They were so full of lust and desperation that I had to turn my head away. My legs still refused to budge—they were so immobilized by him that I was pretty sure my feet had grown roots and were absorbing nutrients from the sidewalk.
“Stelle?” Vincent asked, his voice uncertain.
I sighed into the night air, wishing I was a stronger human being, wishing I had the guts to pull away from him. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew as soon as he took a step towards me because my body went into some weird sense of hyper-awareness. The tiny hairs on my arms were standing straight up and every nerve in my body was reaching out, wanting to be closer to the source that was making me feel this way.
Vincent. I wanted Vincent.
And then he was in front of me, and those eyes burned into me like coals. And, still, I didn’t move. I couldn’t bring myself to move away from him. He was all wrong for me. He wasn’t the kind of guy you spent the rest of your life with. But then why wasn’t I running in the opposite direction?
“Say it.” Vincent’s voice was low as he ducked his head down to meet me; those lips of his were like a cruel taunt. “I want you to say it.”
What was I supposed to say? I couldn’t even form words, so I did some weird half-shrug thing. Wow. The hottest guy to walk this town was inches away from me and all I could manage was some lackluster gesture. I was too pathetic for words.
Vincent let out a low growl that sent shivers shooting across my skin. “I told you, I won’t lay a hand on you until you tell me to, Stelle.” Vincent’s eyes were hooded, dark with lust. The look in his eyes made me weak and I felt my pulse speed up. He leaned in, his mouth close to mine. “And I really want you to.”
I lowered my mouth to his. “I want you.”
And then without warning, our bodies were one. Vincent’s hands were everywhere. We were the same person. He was kissing me everywhere and every part of me was alive.
Vincent was bringing me back to life.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Estella
There were things Vincent needed to know about me—things that I couldn’t even begin to explain about myself and my life.
I wanted him to know about that dark part of me, but I didn’t want to scare him away. I didn’t want him to look at me differently; I wanted to be the same person but for him to have a better understanding of who I was.
Pressing my eyes shut, I started to speak, the words flowing from my mouth as though they had wanted to escape for many years now.
Two and a half years ago
The first night it happened, it had been a pretty ordinary night.
It’d been a month after Mom had left home, and it’d been the first time we’d really had a proper family dinner.
Seth had just landed his real estate job and had wanted to celebrate with us, so he’d brought over some groceries—and his new girlfriend, Mandy—and I’d cooked dinner. Dad didn’t engage much in the conversation, but at least he’d made an effort to look somewhat presentable. I think Seth had had a good talking to with him and gotten through to him.
Afterwards, we cleared some space in the living room and played Twister for an hour or so while Dad watched. Dad did a lot of that lately. He especially watched Savannah and me with this wistful look on his face.
By the time we finished playing, Seth and Mandy got into some sort of disagreement, and she stormed outside with Seth on her heels. Since I was tired, I headed to my room and climbed into bed.
Since my room was at the front of the house, I could hear Seth and Mandy’s raised voices as they fought in his car, but couldn’t quite make out their words. Eventually, even their voices weren’t enough to keep me away, and I drifted into an uneasy sleep.
I jolted awake when the bed shifted.
There was a figure climbing into my bed, and covering my mouth with a hand at the same time. Fear jolted through me, and I let out a scream that was muffled by the hand over my mouth.
He climbed on top me, placing both legs on either side of me, and lowered his lips to my ear. “Listen to me carefully.” The strong scene of alcohol invaded my nostrils. “I want you to be the good, little girl that you are. I want to take my hand off your mouth, but I can’t do that if you’re going to scream, okay? If you scream, I’m going to go into your sister’s room, and I know you don’t want that, do you?”