i always “yuh.” It’s thanks to YOO-lih-uhss (not JOO-lee-yuss) that we celebrate the fourth of July instead of the fourth of Quinctil.
r you can rrroll your r’s even if they’rrre the last letterrr of a worrrrd.
s always “sss.” The Roman fanss (not fanz) were animalss (not animalz).
t, th always “teh.” Teh-hey teh-rew teh-hings at eak ot-teh-her during teh-he nah-tih-oh-nahl (not nashunal) ant-hem (not anthum).
v always “w.” The wolcano that waporized Pompeii was Weh-SOO-wee-uhss.
There are no silent letters in Latin-every vowel (unless it’s part of a two-syllable dipthong) and every consonant is always pronounced fully, and often separately. Of course, there are also no actual Romans around to give you the stink-eye when you mess up.
ILingua Latina TironibusBeginning Latin
Narratiuncula-A LITTLE STORY
Puellae filiae agricolarum sunt
The girls are the daughters of the farmers
Puellae pulchrae sunt
The girls are pretty
Puellae nautas in via spectant
The girls see the sailors in the street
Nautae pulchri sunt
The sailors are hunks
Puellae nautas salutant
The girls say hello to the sailors
O malam fortunam! Nautae male mares sunt
Too bad! The sailors are homos
Nautae ad puellas digitos impudicos porrigunt
The sailors give the girls the finger
Puellae nautas appellant
The girls call out to the sailors
“Speramus naviculam misellam vestram ad scopulum adlisam iri summersum”
“We hope your stupid boat hits a rock and sinks”
Puellae in forum descendere destinant et ibi mercimonium furari
The girls decide to go down to the mall and shoplift some stuff
Omnes paucis annis prosedae erunt
In a few years they will all be hookers
Latin Aptitude Test-PROBATIO LATINITATIS
(answers below-responsa recta in ima pagina)
I. MATH – SCIENTIA MATHEMATICA
All Gaul is divided into____________________parts
Gallia est omnis divisa in partes____________________
many
multas
good
bonas
small
parvas
warlike
bellicosas
Capture a Gaul and torture him until he tells you
Torque Gallum captum donec tibi respondeat
II. VERBAL – SCIENTIA VERBORUM
Arms and the man I sing, who first from the shores of____________________…
Arma virumque cano____________________qui primus ab oris…
Syracuse
Syracusarum
Ithaca
Ithacae
Albany
Albani
Buffalo
Bufali
Sacrifice a bullock to Jupiter so the test gets canceled because the teacher was struck by lightning
Immola Iovi iuvencum ut magistro tacto de caelo probatio relinquatur
III. EXTRA CREDIT – QUAESTIO ADDITA PRAEMII GRATIA
Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when bearing____________________
Quidquid id est, timeo Danaos et____________________ferentes
shish kebabs
carunculas veribus fixas
stuffed grape leaves
folia vitis oryza farta
baklava
crustula laminosa
the check
syngrapham
Send a slave over later with the answer, and if he gets it wrong, lop off his ears
Mitte brevi postea servum qui responsum referat atque si erret praecide aures ei
I., E; II, E; III, E.
Romulus and Remus Jokes-ROMULI REMIQUE IOCULARIA
ROMULUS: Why did the sacred chicken cross the Appian Way?
ROMULUS: Quem ob rem pullus sacer viam Appiam transivit?
REMUS: I do not know. Let us cut it open and see if the entrails provide an explanation for this inauspicious behavior!
REMUS: Nescio. Eum evisceremus ut, extane ostensura sint illius infausti facti causam, comperiamus!
ROMULUS: Why do Roman firemen wear red suspenders?
ROMULUS: Cur gerunt siphonarii Romani retinacula rubra?
REMUS: I do not know-let us set the city ablaze and see if their pants fall down!
REMUS: Nescio. Urbem incendamus ut, sintne delapsurae bracae eorum, comperiamus!
ROMULUS: Why did the Helvetian moron throw the water clock out the window?
ROMULUS: Quare iecit caudex Helvetius clepsydram de fenestra?
* Why did the sacred chicken cross the Appian way?
** I do not know. Let us cut it open and see if the entrails provide an explanation for this inauspicious behavior!
*** I growl
REMUS: I do not know, but I feel certain that after ten years chained to an oar as a galley slave he will be eager to reveal the reason for his rash act!
REMUS: Nescio; pro certo tamen habeo istum, decem annos vinctum in servitio ad remum intra navem longam, cupidum futurum revelare rationem sui temerarii facti!
The Legion of Superheroes-LEGIO HEROUM MAXIMORUM
Faster than a speeding chariot…
Celerior quam currus festinans…
More powerful than a Carthaginian war-elephant…
Valentior quam elephas bellicus Punicus…
Able to conjugate irregular verbs without making a single mistake…
Potis anomala verba sine lapsu declinare…
It’s Ro-Man!
Romanus est!
T-shirt Slogans-TITULI TUNICALES
CARPE NAREM
Pick your nose
CAPE SOMNUM
Catch some “z’s”
CAPIAMUS CEREVISIAM
Let’s grab a beer
CAVE LABOREM
Beware of work
MORANS FAC PAUSAM UT SEDES BIROTARUM OLFACIAS
Take time to stop and smell the bicycle seats
PUTEO ERGO SUM
I stink, therefore I am
VENI, VIDI, VOMUI
I came, I saw, I blew lunch
SOLVE LORA INFERNIS
Unleash hell
OSTENDE MIHI PECUNIAM
Show me the money
PARENTES MEI DIMIDIUM EUROPAE DESPOLIA VERUNT. EGO TAMEN NIL ACCEPI PRAETER HANC TUNICULAM MISELLAM
My parents plundered half of Europe and all I got was this stupid T-shirt
ABES ETIAM A CONSILIO INSULTANDI MIHI NISI LATINE LOQUI SCIAS
Don’t even think of dissing me unless you speak Latin
ILLUC IVI, ILLUD FECI
Been there, done that
Bumper Stickers-TITULI CURRULES
I’d rather be pillaging
Malim praedari
I’m dumb and I vote
Hebes sum et suffragia fero
My child can beat the crap out of your wimpy honor student
Filius meus puerum tuum studiosum laureatum mollem deverberare potest
Thank you for not thanking me for not smoking
Tibi gratias ago quod mihi gratias non agis quod fumum non comedo
Visualize world conquest
Habe ante oculos devictionem mundi
Keep honking-I’m reloading
Perge cornu canere-sclopetum repleo
Horn broken-watch for finger
Buccina fracta-exspecta signum digiti impudici
Barbarian on board
Barbarus in curru
Proud of our brutal police
Vigilitus nostris crudelibus gloriantes
Stop the aqueduct, save the unicorns
Sistite constructionem aquaeductus ut conservetis unicornes
I brake for lunch
Frenos inhibere soleo pransurus
Don’t blame me-I voted for Miss Piggy
Nolite me culpare-Suffragatus sum Erae Porcellae
Jesus loves you-everyone else thinks you’re an asshole
Te amat Iesus-ceteri te putant irrumatorem
If you can read this, I lost my trailer
Si hoc potes legere, traheam meam amisi
Reality TV-SPECTACULA TELEVISORIA VERI SIMILIA
Celebrity Shark Attack
Impetus Pistricum in Insignes
Supermodel Food Fight
Pulcherrimae Inter Se Luctantes Edulibus
Beach Babe Lapdance Showdown
Certamen Ultimum Saltandi Nympharum Litoralium in Genibus Virorum