Si quidem pedibus ire tam salubre corpori est, cur similis est noster tabellarius forma illi Iabbae Hutico?
Kill Barney
Interfice Arcturulum, istum mimum personatum portentosum purpureum palaeozoicum
Road Rage-IRA IN VIA
Where did you learn to drive-fleeing from Huns?
Ubi didicisti gubernare currum? In fuga ab Hunnis?
That’s it, numbnuts. Pull out in front of me, then slow down when you get to the light.
Euge, enervate eunuche! Ingredere in orbitam meam prae me, tum reprime cursum cum biviali lucernae approprinquas.
Now speed up when I try to pass you, and as I go by, give me the finger.
Nunc, accelera cum conor te praeterire, mihique praetereunti ostende digitum impudicum.
Okay, tailgater-time for a brake check
Em, ichneumon-tempus est sufflamina temptare
Big car, little dick
Currus magnus, mentula minuscula
You know what S.U.V.s and hemorrhoids have in common? Every asshole has one.
Scisne quid commune superlativa urbana vehicula cum haemorrhoidis habeant? Est unum ex his utrisque malis cuique pathico.
* That’s it, numbnuts! Pull out in front of me, then slow down when you get to the light!
** Where did you learn to drive? Fleeing from Huns?
Lady, if you’re going to sit there all day yakking on your cell phone, why don’t you stick a steering wheel on your living room wall and just stay home?
Muliercula, si vis ibi sedens garrire totum diem in Nokiam tuam, quidni rotam adfigens gubernalem ad murum conclavis domi maneas?
What are you saving those pretty little turn signals for-Christmas?
Quod ad tempus reservas ista lumina pulchella praemonitoria-ad Saturnalia?
No, Mr. Busybody, I am not handicapped, but you will be if you don’t move your nosy butt out of that parking place, pronto
Minime, ardelio, nullo modo debilis sum, sed fies tu quidem, si clunes tuas curiosas non removeris protinam ab illa statione
Don’t boot my car!
Noli caligam in rotam currus mei adfigere!
I am too allowed in the car pool lane! See, I’m not alone. I suffer from multiple personality disorder.
Certe mihi licet vehi in orbita seposita curribus repletis. Ecce, non solus sum. Legio mihi nomen est, quia multi sumus.
There are three of us here. I want to drive! No, it’s my turn! No fair, what about me? Me me me!
Adsunt tres. Volo gubernare! Immo, ordo memet vocat! Iniquum est! Quid de me? Me me me!
Does that Breathalyzer have a Latin setting?
Potestne illa machina pneumatodocimastica ad linguam Latinam accommodari?
I have Vatican diplomatic immunity. If you give me a ticket, you’re going to end up cooling your heels in The Hague in a jail cell full of Yugoslavian war criminals.
Sedes Romana Sacra mihi diplomaticam immunitatem tribuit. Si me vocaveris in ius, aetatem tuam deges Hagae Comitis, conditus in carcerem refertum Iugoslavorum condemnatorum de bellum contra ius gentium gerendo.
Air Rage-IRA IN AËRE
Do you have nail-clipper-sniffing dogs?
Habetisne canes quae forficulas unguales olfacere possunt?
I think that guy with a napkin on his noggin has a catapult in his shoe
Credo illum mantelium in capite gerentem occultavisse catapultam in caliga
Hey, pal, is that carry-on luggage or did you just sack Carthage?
Heia, amice, utrum illae sunt sarcinae tuae, an modo Carthaginem despoliasti?
Say, miss, didn’t you used to work for Con Air?
Dic mihi, domnicella, nonne te conducebat aëria classis quae condemnatos transportabat?
You know, even galley slaves were served meals
Nempe cibus dabatur etiam servis navalibus
If there’s an accident, I’m going to charge people to use this exit
Si de caelo cadere incipiamus, vectores pretium pro usu huius exitus poscam
Warning Labels-SCHEDAE MONITORIAE
Your nose may fall off
Fieri potest ut nasus tuus decidat
You may develop hot-dog fingers
Fieri potest ut digiti tui formam tomaculorum sumant
Your head may explode
Fieri potest ut caput tuum displodatur
Your brain may turn to mush
Fieri potest ut cerebrum tuum liquefiat
You may start babbling in Latin
Fieri potest ut Latine blaterare incipias
II Lingua Latina MediaIntermediate Latin
Caesar’s PowerPoint Presentation-CAESAR TIBI PROPOSITA MAXIMI MOMENTI PRAEFERT
I
Argumentum
Gallia, terra in partes tres divisa
*Cisalpina
*Transalpina
*Oblitus sum tertiae
Topic
Gaul, a country with three parts
*Northern Italy
*France
*I forget
II
Consilium
*Visere
*Videre
*Vincere
Plan
*Make a visit
*Have a look-see
*Take it over
III
Sequelae
*De bello stultum librum scribam
*A nonnullis irrumatoribus occidar in Foro
*Acetaria et mensis accipient a me nomina
Follow-up
*Write a stupid book about it
*Get assassinated in the forum by a bunch of assholes
*Salad and month get named after me
IV
Conclusio
*Faciam ut animus meus scrutetur
*Quid illa femella Cleopatra?
Conclusions
*Get head examined
*What about that Cleopatra dame?
Top 10 Reasons to Live in the Time of the Caesars DECEM OPTIMAE RATIONUM CUR IN AEVO CAESARUM VIVERE IUCUNDIUS ESSET
X. Calculus won’t be invented for another fifteen hundred years
Calculus differentialis non invenietur intra mille quingentos annorum
IX. When you’re late on a rainy day, you can always blame the sundial
Si sub Iove pluvioso serius advenias, tu culpare semper potes horologium solare
VIII. If you piss off one god, you’ve still got 600 left
Si deum irrites unum, sescenti tibi iam supersint
VII. Actors are treated like dirt
Histriones foede tractantur
VI. Athletes who complain about their pay end up in an urn
Athletae qui queruntur de mercedibus mox in urnas funduntur
V.Scumbags who get the death penalty think they got off light
Scelesti mortis damnati se leviores poenas pensuros reuntur
IV. The likeliest place to find some pushy Christian preacher is inside a lion
Veri simillimum est, locum in quo praedicatorem Christianum protervum invenies, ventrem leoninum esse
III. The French are an ignorant bunch of servile peasants living in smelly huts, and the Germans are getting their asses kicked
Gens Gallorum inerudita servilis agrestis est, in tuguriis foetidis habitans, et Germani vapulant
II. A healthy diet consists of waiting to see if the food taster dies before having anything to eat
Diaeta salubris est, antequam aliquid cenes, observare an moriatur praegustator
I. Everyone is always dressed for a toga party
Omnès amiciuntur semper togis quasi convivium agitaturi
That Old-Time Religion-ILLA RELIGIO PRISCA
Actually, I’m a born-again pagan
Re vera, cultor denuo renatus deorum Romanorum antiquorum sum
I get to worship whomever I like, including SpongeBob SquarePants
Licet mihi venerari pro deo quemlibet, etiam SpongoRobertum QuadratoBracatum
I always ask myself, What would Julius Caesar do?
Me semper rogo, Quid faceret Iulius Caesar?