Credo Gaium Plinium Secundum Maiorem-aut Gaium Plinium Caecilium Secundum Minorem-instituisse ut vir, qui se notiorem puellae facere vellet, ei aliquid liquoris Lyaei compararet; itaque in commemorationem illius iuvat potiunculam tibi praebere
Cicero phrased it best, and I am merely quoting the master when I am driven to remark, “Nice tits.”
Hoc Marcus Tullius optime verbis expressit, neque profero alia quam ipsissima verba optimi omnium oratorum cum adsevero te venustas habere mammas
* Cicero phrased it best, and I am merely quoting the master when I am driven to remark, “Nice tits.”
** It is required of you to go fuck yourself.
Just as Aeneas inquired of Dido in Book Four of the Aeneid after stating his desire to install his obelisk in her temple of love, your place or mine?
A te quaeso, sicut in Aeneidos libro quarto Aeneas, elocutus desiderium erigendi suum obeliscum in templo Venereo Didonis, ab ea quaesivit, tuae domi an meae?
In the deathless words of the great philosopher-emperor Marcus Aurelius, of course I will respect you in the morning
Si me decet immortalia verba usurpare Marci Aurelii, imperatoris illustris philosophici, certe apud me in honore eris, cras mane
Classical Kiss-offs-VALEDICTIONES ANTIQUAE
Kiss my basilisk
Basia basiliscum meum
Bite my zither
Morde citharam meam
Lick my licorice stick
Linge bacillum glycyrrhizae meum
Suck my aqueduct
Suge meum aquaeductum
Tune my lap trumpet
Tempera tubam quam in sinu fero
Lollipop my toga lizard
Liguri lacertam quae sub toga mea vivit
Lip-read my trouser scroll
Lege labris volumen inguinale mihi
III Sermo Latinus EruditusAdvanced Latin
Useful Syntax-SYNTAXIS UTILIS
Futue te ipsum
Go fuck yourself
IMPERFECT SUBJUNCTIVE EXPRESSING A WISH FOR THE PRESENT
Utinam tete futueres
Would that you would go fuck yourself
FIRST SUPINE EXPRESSING A WISH FOR THE PRESENT WITH VERBS OF MOTION
I fututum te ipsum
Go in order to fuck yourself
INFINITIVE WITH IMPERSONAL VERB
Te oportet futuere tete
It behooves you to go fuck yourself
PASSIVE PERIPHRASTIC
Tu tibi futuendus (futuendave) es
It is required of you to go fuck yourself
POTENTIAL SUBJUNCTIVE
Velim te futuas
I should like you to fuck yourself
SUBSTANTIVE CLAUSE OF PURPOSE
Te rogo ut futuas te ipsum
I beseech you to fuck yourself
GENITIVE OF PURPOSE
I tete futuendi gratia
Go for the sake of fucking yourself
FUTURE CONDITIONAL, LESS VIVID
Si te futuas, gaudeam
If you should go fuck yourself, I would rejoice
FUTURE CONDITIONAL, MORE VIVID
Se te futueris gaudebo
If you will have gone and fucked yourself, I will rejoice
PRESENT CONDITIONAL, CONTRARY TO FACT
Si te futueres, gauderem
If you were fucking yourself, I would be rejoicing
PAST CONDITIONAL, CONTRARY TO FACT
Se te futuisses, gavisus (gavisave) essem
If you had fucked yourself, I would have rejoiced
FUTURE PARTICIPLE DENOTING INTENTION OR LIKELIHOOD
Tete fututure, te saluto
You who are about to go fuck yourself, I salute you
FUTURE IMPERATIVE
Tete futuito
Make it your policy to fuck yourself
ABLATIVE ABSOLUTE
Te fututo, gaudeo
You having been fucked, I rejoice
You Know You May Be a Roman If…SCIAS TE FORTASSE ROMANUM ESSE SI…
… you often forget what you were going to say before you get to the verb
… saepe quid habeas in animo dicere priusquam ad verbum pervenias, obliviscaris
… you think only superstitious sissies are afraid of volcanoes
… credas molles superstitiosos solos timere montes Volcanios
… you can eat and have sex at the same time
… simul cenare et futuere possis
… you have ever used a chariot in a bar fight
… umquam in taberna curru proeliatus sis
… you never make major business decisions without first cutting open a sheep
… nunquam de negotio magni momenti decernas sine extispicio
… your most recent domestic crisis was a slave revolt
… discrimen apud te recentissimum tumultus fuerit servilis
… you know anyone who married his own mother or was raised by wolves
… quempiam cognoscas qui matrem suam in matrimonium duxerit vel sit a lupis alitus
… you have a statue of yourself holding a sword in one hand and the severed head of a Belgian in the other
… possideas statuam tui, tenentem manu dextra gladium, manu sinistra caput amputatum Belgae
… you compliment the chef by throwing up
… coquum vomendo in mensam conlaudes
… you have a personal poisoner on your staff
… unus ex officialibus tuis propriis est venenarius
… the only vegetarian you ever met had hooves
… numquam phytophagis occurreris nisi ungulatis
… your idea of a party animal is a goat
… animal convivialissimum arbitreris esse caprum
… your car has sword blades welded to its wheels
… habeas currum falcatum
… there are usually about three hundred other people in the tub when you take a bath
… plerumque, cum laveris, adsint in calidario tecum alii fere trecenti
… you think it would be really cool to be Greek
… putes esse lepidissimum Graecari
… you stay home all day if you see a woodpecker over your left shoulder or hear an owl
… domi maneas totum diem cum post tergum conspicias a sinistra picum, vel audias bubonem
… you’re never surprised to discover that the guy running the empire is a moron, a pervert, or a lunatic
… numquam admireris te invenire gubernatorem imperii fatuum esse, vel pravum, vel vesanum
Restaurant ’Tude-BILIS IN POPINA
My name is Sir-I’ll be your customer tonight
Nomen mihi est Dominus-hodie vobiscum cenabo
My sign is, I sign the check
Natus sum signo signantis syngrapham
The only thing I wish to know about you is where the hell you are when I want something
De te scire volo solum ubi gentium sis cum alicuius indigeam
If those entrées are so special, why aren’t they on the menu?
Si quidem illa fercula tantum praestant, cur in epularum indice non sunt?
Exactly how fresh is that pepper?
Quam recenter lectum est hoc piper?
Why do you put it in a mill the size of a war-trumpet?
Quamobrem id ponis in molina tanta quanta tuba est?
This is indeed a very impressive wine list, if you’re in the mood for a bottle of grape-flavored rust remover that costs as much as a new sofa
Haec tabula vinorum grandia pollicetur cuicumque sit in animo bibere ex ampulla liquoris qui sapit uvas et solvit ferruginem et stat tanti quanti lectus novus
My compliments to the chef-the empire lost a truly inspired poisoner when he decided to go to cooking school
Summam coquo laudem tribuo-imperium venefico ingeniosissimo privatum est cum ille scholam coquinariam obire statuit
No dessert, thanks, unless it contains the antidote
Benigne, secundam mensam non requiro, nisi antidotum continet
I’d have written in a smaller tip but there is no Roman numeral for a nickel
In syngrapha munusculum minus inscripsissem, sed non est littera Romana quae Ioachimici vicesimam significat
I’ll be sure to recommend this place to my friends
Zago, zagas, zagat
Winespeak-DICTA ARBITRI VINI
It’s an intense chalky white marked by overtones of turpentine and lead, with a bright, long-lasting finish