Fieri potest ut vocatum tuum subauscultemus vel transcribamus animi causa
Your call may be monitored or recorded to provide us with entertainment
Omnes auxiliatores nostri nunc emptores alios furiant
All of our representatives are currently driving other customers crazy
Necesse tibi est morari circa tres dies et dimidiam
Your approximate waiting time is three and one-half days
Preme gullulam primam uti musicam molestam audias
Press one to hear irritating music
Preme secundam ut sonum funis occupati audias
Press two to hear a busy signal
Preme tertiam uti tinnitum sempiternum lineae vacuae audias
Press three for the endless ringing of a non-working extension
Preme quartam uti statim disiungaris
Press four to be immediately disconnected
Sit iucundus tibi dies
Have a nice day
Jury Duty-OFFICIUM IUDICIALE
I’m hopelessly prejudiced-everyone in this court looks like a criminal, including the judge
Opinionem praeiudicatam immutabilem habeo-omnes in hac basilica mihi videri nefarios esse, praetore non excepto
No fair! Just last month I served as a hooded judge on a secret military tribunal, but they made me promise not to tell.
Iniquum est! Modo proximo mense officio iudicis cucullati functus sum in tribunali clandestino militari tamen coactus sum iurare me de eo taciturum.
I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help, help me Rhonda
Iuro sollemniter me dicturum verum, totum verum, nihil praeter verum, ita me iuvet, iuvet Rhonda
I think I can tell if someone is guilty just by looking at them
Credo me posse diiudicare utrum quis nocens an innocens sit modo eum spectando
* I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help, help me Rhonda
** I think I can tell if someone is guilty just by looking at them
*** If it’s really, really close and the jury deadlocks, is it okay to flip a coin?
If it’s really, really close and the jury deadlocks, is it okay to flip a coin?
Si lis valde dubia sit, sententiis iuratorum paribus, liceatne nos nummum iactare, “caput aut navem” enuntiantes?
If the guy is obviously guilty, can we just skip the trial and send him straight to prison under early admission?
Si reus manifesto sit in culpa, sitne fas nos quaestionem praetereuntes condemnatum in carcerem confestim conicere per admissionem subitariam?
If the gloves don’t fit, do we have to acquit?
Si digitalia non congruant manibus, sitne nobis necesse reum absolvere?
Does the jury room have a minibar?
Estne cubiculum deliberationis instructum cistula potionum spirituosarum?
I believe the minimum award in civil cases should be one million dollars, but if you lose, you get the electric chair
Mea sententia, causam privatam obtinenti ut minimum decies centena milia Ioachimicorum addici debent, at de perdente supplicium ultimum in electrica sella sumendum est
I plan to find everyone not guilty by reason of I am extremely pissed off
In animo mihi est, iracundiae meae maximae causa, quemque reum absolvere de crimine
But in a larger sense, can any of us say that we are truly innocent?
Quod autem ad res universas attinet, ecquis nostrum dicere potest se vere innocentem esse?
No, no! It was me! It was me all along! I did it! I did it and I’m glad! Ha-ha, just kidding.
Minime! Non est! Ego fui! Semper ego! Ego facinus feci! Atque gaudeo me fecisse! Hahahae! Tantummodo iocabar.
Stealth Latin-SERMO LATINUS CLANDESTINUS
What you say in Latin
What you say it means
What it really means
Stupra fascino volanti torum pistrinum provolventem.
You never cease to amaze me with your deeply insightful remarks.
Go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.
Quin futuis uxorem tuam foedam?
Why doesn’t everyone recognize your genius?
Why don’t you go screw your ugly wife?
Velim caput tuum devellere deinde in confinium gulae cacare.
I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your constructive criticism.
I’d like to rip off your head and take a dump in the hole.
Mande merdam et morere.
Keep up the good work.
Eat shit and die.
Propudium parcissimum.
I’ll get the check.
You cheap bastard.
Carrus exsecrabilis est! Venditor te irrumavit!
What a great car! You got a heck of a deal!
What a piece of shit! You got taken to the cleaners!
Aspice hanc supellectilem vilem. Quale gurgustium est.
Fabulous house-I love your taste.
Look at this cheesy crap. What a dump.
Rotaturne capitulum huius, virus exspuens viride?
Well, now, really, isn’t that the cutest baby you’ve ever seen?
Does its head spin around and spit green slime?
Speciem scurrae habes. Spectaculum petauristarum bestiarumque nescieGam adesse.
Dynamite outfit! It really looks good on you.
You look like a clown. I didn’t know the circus was in town.
Amicus tuus expers rationis est. Viculus nescioquis barone suo privatus est.
Your boyfriend is a great guy. No wonder you’ve been keeping him to yourself.
He’s a total moron. Somewhere there’s a village missing its idiot.
Amica tua est originis extraterrestrialis. Si fortuna tibi faveat, cum astronavem suam ista refecerit, a terra tuaque vita discedet tam cito quam fulmen ascendit.
Your girlfriend is a knockout. Talent, beauty, brains-she has it all.
She’s a space alien. If you’re lucky, when she gets her flying saucer fixed, she’ll be out of here and out of your life in a flash.
Stealth Latin for Golfers-SERMO LATINUS CLANDESTINUS IN LUSU CALEDONIO
Quod fustuarium!
Nice swing!
What a hack!
Salaputium fortunatum!
Great shot!
You lucky fuckhead.
Seligatur clava imprudenter
Be the right club.
Be the wrong club.
Pilula, curre in harenariam et defode te.
Hurry up ball, get some air! Be there!
Get in that bunker and bury.
Vola! Aberra! Egredere praeter terminos!
Stop! Hit something! Stay in play!
Go! Get lost, ball! Go out of bounds!
Immerge te in aquam!
Stay dry!
Get wet!
Decurre ab area leni in gramen densum!
Sit down! Bite!
Run off the green into the rough!
Transili puteolum!
Go in the hole!
Lip out!
Euax!
Aww, too bad!
Hurray!
Bad Latin, the Dirty Dozen-SERMO LATINUS IMPUDICUS: DUODECIM OBSCENA
asshole
culus, i m.; podex, podicis, m.
balls to be blown & to blow
coleus, i m.; irrumo, irrumare fello, fellare; ligurio, ire; (verpam) comedo, esse, edi, estum
to bugger butt
pedico, are clunis, is m. & f. (clunes, ium); natis, is f. (nates, ium); puta, ae f.
cock
capulus, i m.; cauda, ae f.; cicer, is n.; clavus, i m.; cucumis, eris m.; falcula, ae f.; fascinum, i n.; gladius, i m.; hasta, ae f.; membrum, i n.; mentula, ae f.; peculium, i n.; radix, icis f.; rutabulum, i n.; sicula, ae f.; telum, i n.; verpa, ae f.; vomer, eris m.
cunt
aratiuncula, ae f.; cunnus, i m.
fart, to fart
crepitus, us. m.: strepitus, us m.; crepo, crepare, crepui, crepitum; pedo, pedere, pepedi, peditum; strepito, are
to fuck
concumbo, concumbere, concubui, concubitum; futuo, futuere, futui, fututum
to jerk off
frico, fricare, fricui, frictum (fricatum); percieo, ire, ivi, itum; sollicito, are; tero, terere, trivi, tritum; tracto, tractare
piss, to piss
urina, ae f.; meio, meiere, mixi, mictum; mingo, mingere, minxi, minctum
shit, to shit
fimus, i m. & fimus, i n.; merda, ae f.; stercus, oris n.; caco, are