Mike averted his focus before Hank could key into it. Hank read Mike’s face, then broke the mood by floating a hand Fonzie style over the remaining strands straggled back on his shiny scalp. ‘Least the new-generation chemo let me keep my hair.’
Mike leaned back, shot a breath at the ceiling. ‘Shit, Hank,’ he said.
‘Yeah, well, everyone’s ticket gets punched sometime. I know better than to take it personally.’ Hank tugged a fat file from a bottom drawer and thunked it on the desk, causing the cat to leap from the radiator and stalk along the baseboards. ‘You came by to pick this up?’
Mike regarded the file like an artifact, giving it its due before reaching over and pulling it into his lap. It held the record of the private investigator’s search for Mike’s parents. Its girth was impressive, given that Mike remembered so little to set Hank on his investigative course. John and Momma. Approximate ages. No last name to work with, no city, no state. Abandoned-child investigations back then weren’t what they are now. Nor were computer records. Half of what Hank had dug up was on crumbling microfiche, and none of the missing-person reports on record fit what little Mike remembered. For decades he had lived with the gnawing conviction that it was his mother’s blood that had darkened his father’s sleeve that morning. Maybe he’d have to live with it forever.
He leafed through the file, memories and possibilities rising from the print. The geographic spread of the search was large, since he didn’t know how far his family home had been from the preschool playground he’d been left at; his father could have driven a few blocks or all through the night. There were investigation reports and phone transcripts, crime blotters and clipped obits from small-town papers. Mug shots of scowling men named John, all of an age, all of whom were not his father. By now he knew most of these strangers’ faces by heart. The sight made him cringe, made him wonder what children these men had left behind, what women they had destroyed. But what really put a hook into his gut were the morgue photos, a Technicolor parade of women who’d been murdered in 1980 and unclaimed bodies that had turned up for years after that. He’d become acquainted with a virtual dictionary of shrug-off terms for corpses – floaters, crispy critters, headless horsemen.
He closed the file and tapped it with a fist. A scrapbook of a failed investigation. Years of dead ends. Years of high hopes and corrosive disappointments, a deep-seated yearning running through each day like a habit you can’t quite quit.
It occurred to him that this file, with its cop-house chicken scratch, bluing flesh, and flashbulb misery, had become all he had of his parents.
Hank drew a hand across his face, tugging his features down into a basset droop. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t do better by you, Mike.’
Over the years there had been quite a few other investigators, but none as committed.
‘I didn’t come by today for this,’ Mike said, tapping the file again. ‘I came to apologize. I was up against it when we talked. I know how to handle stress better than that. Things have been good long enough that I forgot what it’s like to be graceful when they’re not.’
Hank studied him. Gave a nod. The tabby jumped up into his lap, and he dug his fingers into its scruff, the cat going limp and squint-eyed. ‘You gonna be all right with this pipe business?’
‘It’s my own goddamned fault. I liked the price and didn’t perform due diligence, and now I’m a liar and a cheat.’
‘What’s that mean?’
Hank was still regarding him curiously, but Mike just shook his head. No use getting worked up. He’d made a decision, and now he had to put it in the rearview mirror. He stood with the file and offered his hand across the desk. ‘You always did fine work for me, Hank.’
They shook, and Mike left him there, staring out the window, the cat purring in his lap.
Jimmy was waiting in Mike’s truck, passenger window rolled down, elbow stuck out, radio blaring. Mike had brought him along because they needed to select rock for the fire pit, and Hank’s office was en route to the stone yard, a good drive from the site.
Mike climbed into the truck and tossed the enormous file onto the vast plane of the dashboard. Jimmy eyed the file but said nothing. Mike had told him he needed to run an errand, and it was clear enough he hadn’t wanted to say more than that.
The music was all ska rhythm and subbaritone bleating. Mike turned down the volume, but kept the channel in a show of largesse. ‘Thanks for waiting.’
Jimmy shrugged, bopping to the tunes. ‘You the boss, Wingate.’ Pulling out, Mike watched him poke at the buttons on the console, turning on the seat warmer – a seat warmer in fucking California. ‘Hey,’ Jimmy said, ‘can I have this truck, too, when you done with it?’
‘Not if you play this music in it.’
Jimmy made a dismissive sound, tongue clicking against his teeth. ‘Shaggy’s shit so smooth, you get VD just listenin’ to his ass.’
‘That’s by way of recommendation?’
‘Better than your James Taylor shit.’
‘My James Taylor shit?’ Mike rolled the knob in protest. A few channels over, Toby Keith was crooning that he should’ve been a cowboy, a sentiment not shared by Jimmy, judging by the sour twist of his mouth.
Mike loved music, but particularly country with its twang and swagger, its paternal America, its celebration of hardworking men who punch a clock their whole lives and don’t ask for nuthin’. Parents were heroes, and if a man put his sweat into the land, he could have a shot at an honest life and good woman’s love. An honest life. Those PVC pipes bobbed up through Mike’s thoughts like a corpse that wouldn’t sink, and for the rest of the drive and the baking walk through the stone yard he was distracted and useless.
On the drive back, they passed a cemetery Mike hadn’t seen before, so he pulled off the frontage road and turned in.
Jimmy looked across at him, displeased. ‘We don’t got enough to finish today that you gotta do this again?’
Mike said, ‘Two minutes.’
The guard in the shack kicked back on a stool, reading the L.A. Times. Mike rolled down the window and was surprised to confront himself in a grainy black-and-white photo beneath a headline reading, GOVERNOR SHOWS FOR THE GREEN. Yes, that was Mike, grinning in all his lying, hypocritical glory, his arm stretched around the governor’s considerable shoulders. The paper rustled and tipped, the guard’s ruddy face appearing. The guy waved Mike through without asking any questions. There was a time when Mike got stopped at every checkpoint and reception booth, but now he was legitimate, with a knockoff Polo shirt and an overpriced fucking truck.
He parked under an overgrown willow, and they climbed out, Jimmy tapping down his pack of smokes. ‘The hell you look for in all these graveyards anyway?’ Jimmy asked.
‘John.’
‘Just John?’
‘That’s right.’
And a woman born in the late 1940s.
‘There a lotta Johns out there, Wingate,’ Jimmy said.
‘Five hundred seventy-two thousand six hundred ninety-one.’
The cigarette dangled from Jimmy’s lower lip. His eyebrows were lifted nearly to his dense hairline. He took a moment, presumably to ponder Mike’s sanity. ‘In the country?’
‘State.’
‘You know he dead, though? Just John?’
Mike shook his head, thought, Wishful thinking. He grabbed the file off the dash, because he didn’t need Jimmy nosing through it, and headed off.