“I’ve thought about this moment a lot over the years. Dreamed about it. I know life has been a struggle for you. I know it’s been hard.”
“Dr. Stewart, I don’t want to die. I’m not that girl anymore.”
“But you must. I just killed Mitch, a boy who reminds you of Jeff. You must be feeling the sharp knife of loss.”
“Mitch.” She could barely speak his name. “He can’t be dead.”
“He is,” Dr. Stewart whispered. “Dead like Jeff.”
Tears clogged her throat and spilled over her cheeks. Oh, God. What would Bragg do?
“Our core selves do not change, Greer, or should I say Elizabeth. You confessed your deepest desires that night at camp. And when you spoke I knew we were connected.”
Dear God, he’d held on to an image for over a dozen years of a girl who no longer existed. “I’ve changed. My life has changed. I don’t want to die.”
“I’ve seen you come here often. I’ve listened as you talked to your brother.”
Her mouth felt dry and her breathing grew labored. Whatever was in her system was burrowing in and pulling her closer to unconsciousness. “I don’t want to join Jeff.”
“That’s not true.” His voice was soft and soothing. “That was your dying wish.”
Before she could respond, he straightened for a moment and glanced behind him. Eyes narrowing, he shook his head. “Shut up, Meg. Shut up.”
She searched the darkness but saw no one. “Who is Meg?”
“No one.”
He grimaced and turned again. This time he seemed to wave someone away. “Shut up.”
She searched the darkness but saw no one. “I don’t see anyone.”
“How could you not see her laughing face? She’s mocking us both right now.”
Dr. Stewart was hallucinating. If only her brain wasn’t cripplingly drugged she could argue. “Dr. Stewart, let me go.”
Hands fisted at his side, he turned from his invisible tormentor. “Not until I give you your dying wish.”
“What are you talking about?”
He smiled, dragged a shaking hand through his hair, and calmed. “You don’t remember what you said that night?”
She moistened her lips. “My mind is getting foggy, Dr. Stewart.”
He smoothed his hand over her hair. Gentle. “I know. I know. I won’t make you work for this.” He hesitated and then said in a low voice, “You said you could die happy if you knew for certain there’d been a second driver on that lonely road. You wanted to know the accident that killed Jeff and Sydney wasn’t your fault.”
A jolt of energy shot through her system, cutting through the haze. “What are you talking about?”
“My dear Elizabeth, you were right all those years ago. There had been a second driver on the road. A drunk driver who had caused you to drive off the road.”
“I don’t understand. The police said there was no other driver.”
“They found no skid marks. The driver intended to crash into you. That driver wanted to crash head on into your car and to die. But you veered. You saved yourself and you saved her. Unfortunately, Jeff and Sydney paid the price for her selfishness.”
She studied his face, blinked to clear her fading vision. “Who?”
A satisfied smile eased from him. “Jennifer.”
“What?”
“Jennifer Bell.”
“She never said a word.”
“Not to you, but she caused your accident. She killed Jeff and Sydney. She kept the secret close but all these years that secret has eaten into her soul far deeper than the demons that had originally sent her out on that road long, long ago.”
“I don’t believe it. She had a brother. He dove into a lake.”
“A lie.” He pulled a tape recorder from his pocket. “Listen.”
Jennifer’s slurred drugged voice said, “I wanted to die. The fight with my boyfriend had been awful. So I got behind the wheel of the car . . . and when I saw the headlights I thought if I could crash into that car my life would end, and I wouldn’t have to be perfect anymore.”
A heavy silence and then Dr. Stewart’s gentle voice: “And what happened, Jennifer? It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“Tell me. Tell me.”
“The other car swerved. It missed me and I drove past. I drove for at least a mile before I decided to turn around and go back.” She sighed. “I saw what I had done. Two people were dead. And the other girl, I recognized her. I’d seen her at the club. She was in so much pain.”
“You didn’t try to help that girl.”
She whimpered. “No.”
“And then you took the overdose and ended up at Shady Grove.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell Elizabeth?”
She began to weep. “I wanted to tell her and I almost did. And then I left the camp and life went on. I thought what was done was done.”
“Do you want to say you’re sorry to Elizabeth now that you’re dying?”
“I don’t want to die!”
“Are you sorry ?”
“Yes.”
The tape clicked off.
Tears dampened Greer’s face as she mourned not only for Jeff and Sydney but also for Jennifer. Greer understood carrying a burden so heavy your knees threatened to buckle.
“So you see,” Dr. Stewart said, “the accident wasn’t your fault.”
Greer wasn’t sure if she’d ever truly believe that. She shouldn’t have been driving that night. She’d been too young and too inexperienced. Would an experienced driver have avoided Jennifer? She’d never know.
Though she struggled to keep alert, the drugs took a stronger hold. Though her mind rapidly fogged, one thought was razor sharp.
She wanted to live.
“You must hate her,” Dr. Stewart said.
“No,” Greer said. “I don’t. I want to move on with my life.”
He smoothed soft fingertips over her hair. “You can’t move on. You’re trapped in the past. You have been since the accident.”
She had been trapped. But she wasn’t like that anymore. Somewhere along the way that first forced step toward the vineyard had been her journey to freedom. And now she had the beginnings of something with Bragg. A future to anticipate.
Her tongue felt thick in a cottoned mouth. “My head is spinning.”
He picked up her wrist and traced the faint scar. “Yes, it must be spinning hard. Soon, you’ll fall asleep, and as you do I’ll cut into this tender flesh as you did once. That’s what you wanted all those years ago . . . to just slip away. Now you can.”
She clung to consciousness. That last time she’d cut her own wrist it had been seconds before the drugs had pulled her into unconsciousness. She’d not cared as her life had seeped from her body.
Now, an unwelcome specter of death frightened her. She blinked hard and thought about Bragg and Mitch. Would they know this man had killed her or would they believe she’d taken her life? And dear God, her mother. What would she say when her body was found on Jeff’s grave? She’d be devastated.
Anger rose in Greer and cut through some of the fog. “I’m not going to die. I am not.”
His smile was gentle. “Of course you are, but don’t worry, I’m going to be right behind you. When you’re gone, I’ll find the courage to finally take the leap and follow you. We will all be together forever. Happy. Complete, just like at Shady Grove.”