Thanks for that tidbit of information. Now every time we travel by car, we can never fully trust the safety of our vehicles. Just that slight doubt will always screw with our subconscious. Unfortunately, after a little research, I found the equation to be true.
In 1970, Ford introduced the Pinto. It was a subcompact designed to compete with foreign carmakers. During production, problems were found in the gas tank assembly. The fuel tank was weak and, in the event of a rear-end collision, would leak and easily ignite. Unfortunately, the human body wasn’t built Ford tough, which resulted in many fiery deaths. Of course, Ford was aware of the defect and could have retooled the Pinto’s design during production, but it chose not to. The auto giant could have issued a recall after cars started exploding, but it didn’t allow that either. Instead, Ford did the math and decided it would be cheaper to pay the potential lawsuits.
How much is your life worth? Given Ford’s estimated out-of-court settlements for death in 1970, it’s around $200,000.
№071
Sony’s Betamax
For starting format wars.
Sony has produced a lot of great products over the last few decades. The company has had some major flops too, Betamax being the most famous (although the MiniDisc player was a close second). In this decade-long battle, JVC’s VHS won the format race. But why? Beta came out first and was actually superior in quality compared to its competition.
Beta failed mostly because of its short recording time, a measly one hour at first. People wanted to record movies and football games, and this just wouldn’t cut it. Eventually, Sony would extend the play time, but Beta always trailed VHS. The inferior product also failed to win consumers over because of Sony’s awful marketing, bad design, and high price point.
But let’s get to the key factor behind VHS’s victory—porn was not available on Betamax.
Sony had to ruin it by not fighting hard enough to win over the consumer (and for being too goody-goody about the smut videos). Of course, the real losers here are all the chumps who didn’t buy VHS in the first place. It was quite a costly transition to make (especially since the DVD craze came shortly after). And of course, every consumer would eventually be hit by the wave of similarly snide technology companies that continually change platforms and media players just because they can.
So don’t worry, Sony isn’t shedding a tear; it’s back on top with Blu-ray. Which, of course, means you will soon have to update that tired old DVD collection you spent years building. It just goes to show that in a battle versus technology, you will always lose. What does this mean for the future? Due to changing formats, you will have to repurchase the Beatles’ “White Album” at least six more times in your life.
№072
Car alarm users
For making a lot of noise.
A car is stolen every twenty-six seconds in the United States. Cars are easy to steal; they even have a built-in getaway system. The odds of your car being stolen are one in two hundred. You have a 13 percent chance of getting your car back. On average, the authorities are called to the scene only 1 percent of the time when a car alarm is triggered.
An educated guess would all but guarantee a car‘s (false) alarm is blaring somewhere in your town with no one thinking of stealing it. Rather than theft, you have a greater chance of vandalism happening to your door in the shape of someone’s annoyed boot print.
You can’t blame the inventor for this one: The product performs as advertised. A car alarm won’t promise the security of your car; it only guarantees that it will make a lot of annoying noise if someone ever tries to jack it (and plenty more times when a garbage truck rumbles by). The liability on this one goes to everyone who still uses car alarms. They so don’t work. They just make an irritating racket and give people headaches. It has gotten to the point where everyone just tunes them out. Here is an idea: Why not make a silent alarm that alerts your phone and gives GPS coordinates when a thief steals your car? Then an iPhone app could automatically pop up and give an “Electrocute or Eject?” option. Something more like David Hasselhoff’s old ride. This way you may actually be able to get your car back and then catch, prosecute, AND have some fun with the car thief.
Here are more effective car theft deterrent systems to try before you buy KITT from NBC:
• Kill switch
• LoJack
• An empty gas tank
• A chauffeur
• Snipers
• Or just stop paying your parking tickets and the police will attach the ultimate antitheft device—the boot.
• And if none of this works, just take the bus!
№073
Asbestos companies
For making our lungs biohazard sites.
Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral. There is no doubt that asbestos is a great building material. It has incredible heat resistance, which makes it flame-retardant. It has wonderful insulating properties. As long as it does not enter your lungs, there’s no problem. Unfortunately, prolonged inhalation exposure, usually with individuals working in the factories that manufacture the product, will result in extreme health problems, most prominently terminal cancer.
In 1951, asbestos companies (having control over both the experiments and the printing of asbestos-related studies) removed all references to cancer before allowing their self-sponsored research to be made public. A year later a medical director at the building-insulation company Johns Manville attempted to force asbestos companies, including his own, to place a warning label on all of their products to reduce the risk of disease in workers. However, the massive companies ignored his efforts, and it took a continued loss of life for the public to find out the truth.
As the saying goes, “Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it.” The ancient Greeks used asbestos for tablecloths and clothing because they could be cleaned in fire and would not burn. But since there was such a high demand for large-sized doilies and sear-proof panties, many slaves who worked with asbestos became deathly ill from the same health problems of the modern era. Unfortunately, there was no Wikipedia in the 1950s for easy research. As a result, people died.
You asbestos companies lucked out. Big Tobacco took a lot of smoke away from your product. As I see it, they killed their consumers and you killed your employees. But at least Big Tobacco provided some enjoyment for their stooges. You just put people in non-habit-forming hospital beds. But you both knew the harmful effects of your products and still peddled your deadly wares. You might as well have handed out fiberglass-flavored cotton candy to kids. I hope the cost of your soul was worth it, ’cause you’ll be ridin’ shotgun straight down with your tobacco-shilling friends.
№074
Dr. Robert Atkins
For a stupid diet.
The Atkins Diet plan is a low-carb, high-protein strategy for shedding unwanted pounds, made popular in the early 2000s. About thirty million Americans have tried the diet. If you haven’t heard of it, maybe you’re that kid in the news who can only eat six foods without dying?