— You were a student?
— Yes. I was a student in your class. Sixth grade. Ah, I just saw something in your eyes. Some flash of fear. Now do you know why I’m here and you’re here?
— No. I don’t.
— Okay, now you’re defiant again. I heard that about you. I heard you were good. You passed lie detector tests and everything. And the thing is, you really might be innocent. No one knows for sure. That’s why you’re here.
—
— Now you’re not talking. Does it feel weird to be chained to a post?
—
— You really should answer. I haven’t had to use the taser yet, but I would use it on you. You’re the first one I would not mind using it on.
— Sir, what are your plans for me?
— Again, I love the Sir. I really do. But I have to say, that penitent tone makes you seem more guilty. You should consider that.
— Please, will you tell me what your plans are for me?
— My plans are to ask you questions and for you to answer them.
— Okay. And then what?
— And then I let you go.
— You’ll let me go?
— You and the astronaut and everyone else will be let go. I have a real astronaut three buildings over. He’s an honorable man. And I have a former congressman. He gave me the idea to find you, indirectly at least. He’s an honorable man, too. You, though, I don’t know. Well, I do know. You’re not an honorable man. I know that much. At the very best, you’re just sad and twisted. Maybe just lonely. But I think you’re more than that. I think you’re a monster. Now do you know why you’re here?
— I think you should just explain it. I don’t want to guess.
— You don’t want to guess. Okay. Now you just painted yourself into a corner. That means you did other terrible things. You did so many terrible things that you don’t know which of them this is about. That’s what you just revealed to me. You said that you don’t remember what you did to me. That it could be any number of crimes.
— I didn’t say that.
— You didn’t need to.
— Please. Let’s stay specific here. I don’t remember you, but I trust now that you were a student at Miwok Middle School. Were you one of the students who filed a complaint against me?
— Ah, now suddenly you’re all business. Good. You acknowledge that complaints were lodged against you.
— There were seven complaints. Nothing was proven.
— But you left teaching.
— Yes. It was impossible to stay under those circumstances.
— Circumstances you created.
— There was no trial and there was no hearing.
— God, it’s like you have it rehearsed. I guess you have to. If you talk to a cousin or nephew and they ask you why you left teaching, you have to recite this stuff about “allegedly” and “no hearing” and all that. What did you tell your parents?
— My father is dead. But my mother knows the truth.
—“My mother knows the truth”! Wow. That is a revealing comment. What is the truth, Mr. Hansen?
— The truth about what?
— Yes! You are brilliant! You know how to turn it back to me, to make sure you don’t say anything too broad. You don’t want to say, for example, that you didn’t mean to touch that one kid in the bathroom, because maybe I don’t know about that one kid in the bathroom. This is fun, Mr. Hansen! You’re more fun than the others. I have to draw this out. I have to make sure I don’t rush it. Okay, let’s see. Do you remember the late eighties, Mr. Hansen?
— Yes, I remember the late eighties.
— Watch the attitude, Mr. Hansen. You’re tied to a post. You’re ten miles from the nearest highway. I could bludgeon you and you’d never be found. You know this?
— Yes.
— And you’re really the first one in this whole process I would actually hurt. I’m guessing you can tell I don’t have much to lose, right?
— Yes. I can sense that.
—“I can sense that.” That is great. Yes. I’m risking a lot here. Having you and the astronaut and everyone out here. But Jesus, so far, it’s been so worth it. I’ve learned so much. It’s like all the pieces are coming together. The one thing I’m kicking myself about is that I didn’t do this sooner. You should have been brought here sooner. Twenty years ago. You don’t belong with people just like I don’t belong with people.
— I trust you have someone you’re seeing? A professional?
— Don’t talk to me that way. You know I’m making sense. I’ve done an unusual thing here, but I’m not irrational. You know that. Your undergraduate degree was in psychology. But I guess that never means anything.
— No. Not in my case.
— Isn’t that funny, the undergrads who major in psychology? It’s like half of every college, these psych majors. They have no idea why they’re studying psychology. It’s like majoring in faces, or people. “I’m majoring in multiple-choice questions about people.”
— Right.
— See, still with the attitude. You have a smarmy way about you, you know that?
—
— Were you always that way? I can’t remember.
— I don’t know.
— You should be making yourself more appealing, not less, don’t you think?
— I suppose so.
— But even your phrasing is smarmy. “I suppose so.” Who talks like that?
— I can’t help the way I talk.
— Of course you can. Now stop being so smarmy.
— I will try.
— Now that: “I will try.” You really should just say “I’ll try.” Use contractions. Contractions will make you sound more like a regular human being.
— Okay.
— Are you one of those assholes who says either with the long i?
— No.
— That wasn’t convincing. I bet you are. You know who says either with the long i? Assholes.
— Sir, I want to do whatever I can to help you. Why did you bring me here?
— But how can I be surprised that you’re an asshole? I brought you here because you’re an asshole.
— So you were one of the complainants?
— No.
— But you were in my class?
— Yes. Remember me?
— I might if you give me your name.
— No, asshole. But I remember you being the fun teacher. Was that your goal, to seem like the cool one, the fun one?
— I don’t know.
— You dressed like us. Or tried to dress young at least. I remember you wearing Jordache jeans. Do you remember wearing Jordache jeans?
— I don’t know.
— You wear Jordache jeans and don’t remember? That’s not something you forget. That’s a full commitment. They were made for women, so when a man wore them, it was all-out. There was no halfway to those pants. That’s a major life decision you wouldn’t forget. Now tell me if you wore Jordache jeans.
— I believe I did.
— See, where does a worm like you come from? First you wear Jordache jeans. Then you deny it. Then, when you admit it, you say, “I believe I did.”
— Sir, what does this have to do with anything?
— It has everything to do with everything. You were trying to insinuate yourself. You were trying to garner our trust. You were trying to seem like us, our age, harmless, cool.
— I don’t know about that.
— Then you could get the babysitting jobs.
—
— Right?
—
— Do you remember babysitting for Don Banh?
— Yes.
— Good. That was good. A straight answer. You did overnights.
— Yes.
— When their parents were gone for a week or whatever, you would stay with the kids, feed everyone, tuck everyone in at night, sleep over. You remember?