— I’ll find the right one.
— There you go.
— I’ll bring him back.
— It’ll be a cinch.
— Wish me luck.
— Good luck, Thomas.
BUILDING 57
— Wow, this is the greatest week of my life.
—
— Sorry. You probably don’t understand that.
—
— Okay, comparatively, it’s not such a good week for you. You’ve been, well, I guess you’ve been brought here. I just mean that bringing an astronaut here was hard, but getting an actual cop here … Jesus. Kev said I was invincible and now I know it’s true. Shit, I forgot to tell him. I’ll be back.
BUILDING 52
— You were right, my man.
—
— Kev? You asleep?
— What’s that?
— It’s me.
— You’re back?
— I am. And I got one.
— You got what?
— A cop, man. Just like you said. And he was easier than you.
— Oh shit.
— What?
— You brought him here?
— He’s two buildings over.
— Unharmed?
— He’s fine.
— And you weren’t followed?
— Nothing. He was alone. I left his phone right there on the street.
— Oh Jesus.
— What? It’s true. I’m unstoppable. You were right.
— He’s okay?
— He’s fine. What are you worried about?
— I don’t know. What do you plan to do with him?
— I don’t know. I mean, I know generally. I have some general police-work questions. Just some stuff I wanted to talk about. He doesn’t look like he’d know a whole lot.
— What time is it?
— About ten. It took me an hour to get there, and then a couple hours to stake out the scene. He was standing outside some party like a valet.
— I can’t believe you took a cop.
— You made me believe it was possible, Kev. I have to thank you for that.
BUILDING 57
— You don’t look very good. Maybe I used too much on you. It’s just chloroform. You won’t die.
— What is this? Where am I?
— You’re safe. And you’re far from anyone hearing you but me. I have four others out here and everyone’s safe. No one will be hurt, even you. We’ve been here for three days. I am a moral man and a principled man and I might be invincible. Do you understand that?
— What’s your plan, buddy?
— Say what?
— Tell me your plan. Is this some kind of shakedown or something?
— A shakedown?
— You trying to get back at me for giving you a ticket or busting you for drugs or whatever?
— You know, I don’t like you much so far. You’ve got an abrasive personality. I watched you half the night, just to see if you looked like a hardass, but you looked more like a dentist. A dentist dressed like a cop.
—
— With the others I’ve apologized first and foremost for having to bring them here under these circumstances, but I don’t know how sorry I am about you. I’ve had some bad experiences with your kind.
— My kind?
— Cops. But at the same time, I’ve had plenty of good experiences, too. I want you guys to be good. I want to believe you want to do the right thing. But too often you fuck that up.
—
— I forgot to tell you that you’re here to talk. That’s why you’re here. I ask some questions and you answer them, okay?
— Why?
— Why? Because I have you handcuffed and I say so. You must be familiar with the rules of a deposition, right?
— You’re calling this a deposition?
— It’s as close to that as anything else. There are just some general questions I need answered. I don’t know anything about you, but you were wearing the uniform so I figured you’d know some answers. I guess you could say I profiled you.
—
— You don’t like that?
—
— And the sooner we’re done the sooner I’m gone and you’re free. Okay?
— Go to hell.
— You really are abrasive. I didn’t expect that. You have such a friendly face. You remind me of some mailman or TV dad. I picture you putting on a cardigan after work, opening the newspaper, helping your kids with their homework.
—
— Unless you’re guarding some private party.
—
— Wow, that is the life, huh? A Monterey beat cop during the day, at night guarding private parties for time and a half. How long have you been a cop?
—
— You have to answer now.
— Twenty years.
— Twenty years. You ever take the detective test?
— Up yours.
— Ah. I take it the answer is yes. What are you looking for? Some ship you’re planning to signal? There’s no one out the window. Are you that dumb? You’re inside an abandoned military barracks and you’re gonna signal some ship two miles into the Pacific?
— We’re at Fort Ord.
— Good. You’re the first one to guess. Were you a Marine or something? You’re a very stoic guy.
—
— Okay. I guess I’ve had a streak of more talkative people, so I was getting spoiled there for a while. I didn’t need to explain the rules. The rules are that you’re here to talk to me and to answer my questions. I have a taser over there. I guess you already saw that. And I have other stuff outside that I could use if you’re really being uncooperative. But I’m not a violent guy. I haven’t harmed anyone. I have four others out here, and everyone is healthy and well fed. And I think I’m almost done finding out what I need to find out. So if you cooperate this could all be over soon enough.
—
— Maybe I picked the wrong cop. Listen, I had a night to waste until my destiny tomorrow, and I was just looking for someone from your department. I have nothing against you in particular. I knew there’s no other way any of you guys would sit down to talk to me. You get it? I’ve written letters to the department and never got an answer. I asked to talk to anyone and no one could bother.
—
— So anyway. Now that you’re here, here’s the plan. You talk to me, you answer questions, and we’ll be fine. If you don’t, then I tase you. I mace you. I do stuff like that. Stuff you’ve probably done to people all the time. You’ll find it familiar. And the sooner you talk to me and we get finished, the sooner you can get free. Does all that make sense?
— Yes.
— Huh. That was almost sudden. Suddenly you’re talking. Have you done this kind of thing before?
— No.
— But is it part of your training or anything? Do you have a simulation for this kind of situation? Being chained to a post and being asked questions? I guess this is sort of a hostage thing.
— I assume you had a bad run-in with a cop?
— We’re not talking about me right now. I want you to talk about you. I can’t sleep, and it’s hours till dawn, so we’re going to talk. We’re going to go through a little biographical portrait of you. I want to understand you and your kind. You were born where?
— Modesto.
— Modesto! Wow. Okay, Modesto. Two parents?
— Yes.
— Dad was a cop?
— Mom.
— Mom was a cop! Wow. That is fantastic. And Dad did what?
— He designed furniture.
— He designed furniture? He designed furniture? That is the best thing I’ve heard all week. I swear to god. Wow. He designed furniture! Your mom went out with her gun and everything, and your dad made her breakfast and then stayed home drawing little pictures of ottomans?
—